Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kitty Peine on August 9, 2012 at 10:44am

That was then, this is now. 

I am angry. I don't want to go anywhere where someone is going to ask me how I am or how Kevin's Katie is or how his 5 yr old son is or the rest of my boys. People like to know the gory details that is why the news on TV is all about horrible things that happen. I don't want to be thier source of tragic stories. I don't want to go anywhere. I am having trouble being nice at work. I need to just go home, lock the doors and stay there.

Permalink Reply by Karen R. on August 10, 2012 at 12:19pm

Dear Kitty, I can relate to how you are feeling. I never sugar coat my feelings to anyone. I may soften my response by saying "I could be better" depending on who asks but for the most part, my response is not so "gentle". I am NOT doing good, I am NOT ok, It will NEVER be alright.....how can it be? My 21yr old son was robbed of his life and I will forever be broken! Children are suppose to bury their parents. I want my son back!  Thanks for listening.

Permalink Reply by Kitty Peine on August 10, 2012 at 12:33pm

Hi Karen,

That's the thing, people want us to say we are oK so they can go on with their lives with ease. I am tired of making them feel good.

The thing is, I need to get OK because I have 6 sons, God's watching 2 and I am watching 4. Plus I have 5 grandsons all still here on earth.  I know I need to live, not just exist, for my boys still here. But this time it is just so hard. Even my mom is having a hard time. My cousin invited us to her cabin this Sunday. I told Mom I don't want to go cuz i am tired of telling people i am OK when i am so not oK. She said she gets tired of people asking her "How's Kitty doning" she said she wants to shout "How the hell do you think she is doing?" but she just says "As well as can be expected". Thanks for listening and responding.

Permalink Reply by Dolly on June 8, 2013 at 3:01am

How nice do we have to be? I just want to look at them and say "DUH" but ...so I just avoid the question by staying away from anyone or any place where anyone might know that my son has died...because I am a total basket case full of agony and anger and hopelessness and emptiness and fear

Permalink Reply by Dolly on June 8, 2013 at 3:29am

am I in the "angry stage"?  I FEEL angry...at what? I CAN'T HAVE MY SON BACK....I don't want to hear how 'better off' he is....I hope to God he IS better off and I always wanted him to be "better off" but to ME that meant HEALED, not DEAD.... i didn't want him to have to die to be healed... i just wanted him to be well and not have pain and fear...i NEVER wanted him dead....im not doing well ....

Permalink Reply by Kar on July 22, 2013 at 9:41pm

Marilyn,    I tend to hide too -  It is just easier.    Thinking of you & your precious son.  

Permalink Reply by Maria on July 30, 2013 at 8:01am

If some asks How are you and I don't know them, I say OK. If I do know them, I say pray for me and ask or give them a hug. Everybody wants to help me. I give them that opportunity.

Permalink Reply by Vassiliki Zafeiri on September 24, 2013 at 3:27pm

Dear Karen

the issue is not the question, but the answer. Believe me i have learnt that especially this question is like they are kidding, but you have to understand them and forgive them - what they say is what they know (nothing)... So, Avoid being miserable, and say you are not ok. Stand up to grief and life. Make everybody admire you and respect you. Find the strength within you, because we all have it. Yes you can be sad, cry, not be ok, but don't allow anyone feel sorry for you. I write these, which are based on my personal beliefs and this is what I do. I feel blessed I had a wonderful charismatic son for 20 years, and as happy as i felt when i gave birth to him, the same way I shall mourn and cry and be sad and depressed because i lost him, but only for him and only I know how i feel inside.. The rest of the people are not entitled to know, except for only a few ones. ...

Permalink Reply by Ross Hotard on December 17, 2014 at 11:03am

I just tell them it's hard and they usually reply with an I'll pray for you guys. And I try to change the subject. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

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