Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Bern on January 8, 2013 at 9:52pm

I MISS MY SON...WHY MY SON...MY ONLY SON....

Permalink Reply by Shirlee Smith on January 15, 2013 at 8:02pm

I lost my son Joe on 10/19/12 he was driving home that morning and only 2.8 miles from our driveway when he wrecked his truck. My husband and I believe that he had a heart attack and that is what caused the accident.  The police said he was speeding and since drugs or alcohol were not involved they closed the investagation. My husband and I both thought an autopsy was done automatically so we did not request one we only found out that if we wanted and autopsy we had to request it after he was cremated. I found out about the accident on my way to work that morning I came upon it. All I remember from that day was how badly the truck looked and a man kept telling me how sorry he was and I kept telling him he was wrong. I sit and watch the cameras that we have that shows the outside of our home waiting for him to come home. whenever I see headlights or a truck my heart races. I know in my head that he is not coming home but my shattered heart is not ready to give up hope. I truly hope that this group helps me as there are no support groups in my area.

Permalink Reply by anna l. on January 15, 2013 at 10:12pm

Shirlee I am so so very sorry for your loss.  (I have a problem saying loss but that is for another conversation)  You will find many here who understand your pain and offer comfort.  I know what you are saying about your head knowing but your heart not ready to give up hope.  It took a year before I could see my  husbands truck and not instantly think, Tom is  home.  That was a very steep rollercoaster that I am glad to be off of.  I also lost a son a year before my husband.  Hugs from me to you.

 

Permalink Reply by Bern on January 16, 2013 at 11:15am

Shirlee, I know I sound selfish. OMG

Oh My God! what do you do daily. I wish I  could just erase this pain, give it to someone, or stay in my house and yard and never leave again. I hate to cook, which is something that I love. My friends and family know my number, but no one calls. I will not call them either because I know most people are uncomfortable with death and talking about it. They just don't want to hear it.

Permalink Reply by Shirlee Smith on January 16, 2013 at 10:39pm

Berna

I go to work and come home it is really hard as I have to drive past where the accident happened when I am going to work as well as coming home. I usually cry on my way to work and on my way home. I no longer go outside to the smoking area like I used to I now go to my car and sit until my breaks and lunch are over. I do not have any family so to speak that I talk with but when they call I do answer as they are just checking on me to make sure that I am ok. The day that Joe was killed my uncle called me and he was crying and told me if he could take his place so that I could have Joe back he would do it so that I did not have to suffer through what my mom did all those years. I understand what you are saying about wanting to give this pain to someone else as I have felt that way as well. then I scold myself as I would not want any parent to have this heart ache. 

Permalink Reply by Bern on January 17, 2013 at 1:03am

I feel like I am cursed for life. I am married but it is like I am alone. He don't talk about it. That bothers me. I don't want to be physical with him since my son's death. I use to love to cook..Now I am in tears when I try to cook. I understand if the Lord allow me to live. I will live unhappy. I talk to my son everyday. I hate to leave my home now. I feel like when people look at me they know that I am curse because I loss my son. He will be forever 20 years old. so so so sad!

Permalink Reply by Shirlee Smith on January 18, 2013 at 12:16am

Berna,

I am so very sorry that you are having these feelings, but I think that your son would want you to continue doing the things you loved to honor him. we breed dogs and there is one that I rescued and he is not overly friendly with my other dogs so after my son passed I told my husband that I wanted to have that particular dog put down and he said Joe would be upset if we did that he really liked him as well as all our dogs and that we needed to continue caring for them the same way that Joe did. So we did not put the dog down and we have since decided to dedicate our web site to our son. Moving on is extremely hard and I know this all too well I wish I did not. I wish none of us knew this pain. Try talking with your husband I know that my husband does not like to talk about our son but I bring it up and make him talk so that he can cry and greive for our son as well. When my brother was killed I watched my mom push me away and pull my other brother so close that she could not see anything wrong that he did, all that did was make my baby brother an alcoholic me on the other hand turned to drugs. I kicked my habit when I seen what it was doing to me, my younger brother is still an alcoholic and my brother was killed in 1978. my mom and I had a long talk when my daughter was born in 1983 and she explained that the reason she pushed me away was so that I would not be angry with her if she killed herself. After that we became close again and when she passed on 4/20/08 I told her the day before it was ok for her to go home as she was in so much pain for the cancer and the only reason she was hanging on was for me. I do not know what happened to your child and I also do not know why God chose to take our children and right now I am extremely angry with him for that. But isolating yourself from those who love you will not help I do know that. I have to drive by the site where my son had his accident every time I leave my house. I was not aware of the symptoms that my son was having as no one told me and I was upset with my husband for not telling me and he said he did not think they were symptoms of a heart attack and Joe had ask him not to tell me as he had no insurance and we are not wealthy and he knew I would go into debt to make sure that there was nothing seriously wrong with him. Please try and talk with your husband your child would not want you or him to stop doing what you love nor would he want you two to split up over the loss.

Permalink Reply by Shirlee Smith on January 18, 2013 at 12:35am

Anna

I am sorry that you have lost two people that mean more than words can say. I always thought that if I died or my husband died our son would be there to help the one who survived. I am not sure how long I will be on this up and down. To be honest I do not think I will leave long enough to not cry daily. But thank you hugs from me to you

Permalink Reply by Sue Beckwith Burton on January 17, 2013 at 10:05pm

I lost my daughter, Pam, on May 12, 2011, to cancer at 44 years old. A big part of me died with her. She is my oldest child, my only daughter and we were very close even though miles separated us for the last 6 years. I am not alive anymore, I exist day to day and do what has to be done. The tears come without notice. I have 3 sons and a husband (her stepfather) but no one talks about her. It's as if she never existed to them.  Even her 2 sons or husband don't mention her in our phone calls, and when I say her name the subject gets changed.   I don't understand. Our family used to be very close, but we seem to be drifting apart for the past 20 months. Pam was the one we called to tell her our news and she always passed it on.  I am lost, I have no one around to talk to. I have read many of these posts and am hoping to find some comfort in knowing there are other mothers and fathers feeling the way I do.

Permalink Reply by Shirlee Smith on January 18, 2013 at 12:31am

Hi Sue

Please do not feel alone because you are not. I know that some people do not feel comfortable talking of a loved one especially with the mother. For some reason they think that it will upset you. I know that is what I have found. I just had a discussion with my husband this past weekend and told him that he was acting as though our son Joe did not exist and he screamed at me which is what I wanted him to do so that we could talk about him. My son just passed this saturday will be three months so this has just started for us. I do know that people avoid me that I thought were my friends and I just said ok. Our son was the only son and he was the baby. He was also very sickly as a baby and a young child so I was always over protective of him. I was however very close with my own mother and was her only daughter as well as the oldest she was my best friend and when she was told she had cancer I thought my heart would break she fought really hard for two years and during that time she was in a great deal of pain I found out that she was going into hospice on my birthday 2/26/08 and she passed on 4/20/08. She lived in Florida and I in Kentucky so I took my two children and went to see her the last week of March, We had a great visit but I could tell that this beautful, strong, loving, very religious women was tired of fighting. The day before she passed my stepdad and I both told her that if she was ready it was ok and that we would be fine that was the hardest conversation I have ever had with my mom. I miss her and whenever I had some news good or bad she was the first person I would call and the next day after my sons death the first thought that came to my mind was how glad I was that my mom was not here as see I lost a brother in 1978 he was 15 and I knew that she would not be able to handle this as well. Your family has not forgotten  your daughter, she was their sister, their mother, their wife, and a daughter. It may upset them to talk of her or they may think that it will make you worse. Have you tried telling them how you feel maybe offer to do something specail to honor Pam with maybe a family dinner or planting a tree or something. I am sure that her children miss her as much as you do. I am sorry I do not have any other words of comfort. I also just go through the daily motions.

Permalink Reply by Sue Beckwith Burton on January 20, 2013 at 12:11am

Hi Shirlee

I tried once several months ago to talk to my son about Pam. He told me to get on with my life. Of course, he has always been gruff and appears cold, but he was very close to Pam and I know how much he is hurting. We just can't discuss it. I am unable to plan any family events because the family is apart, miles and emotions.  2 of my sons didn't even attend the wedding of their sister's oldest son (my grandson, their nephew). We are separated by many miles because I foolishly moved south 8 years ago.  They don't call very often and don't visit at all. I go up to see them at least twice a year and call at least once or twice a month. Most days I just hope they will make the call to me.  I really believe that Pam held this family together. Her brothers would do anything for her. Anyway, I get through each day. I lost my younger sister a few years ago and thought that was the worst that could ever happen. I do have a virtual memorial for Pam that I visit often, look at her pictures online, shed some tears and smiles as I see her again growing up. Pam is my best friend, I still talk to her (when no one is around), but I just want to have one more day with her, no pain, no suffering. Just her beautiful smile. Thank you for responding and assuring me that I am not alone. 

Permalink Reply by Shirlee Smith on January 20, 2013 at 1:03am

I know how your son feels my brothers and I were very close we actually hung out together I was friends with both of their girlfriends. when my brother was killed he was only 15 and his 14 year old girlfriend was pregnant and he was going to meet her because she was running away and he wanted to bring her to our house and have her call her mom they were walking towards one another crossing a 4 lane road when a pickup truck with a drink 18 year old driving it went left of center and hit him. when the EMT's arrived they told my mom that his girlfriend had his head in her lap with him turned on his side and she told them you have to hurry he is going to choke on this blood coming out of his mouth she was in such shock she did not know that he was killed when the truck hit him. My mom blamed his girlfriend for awhile as she did as well and all the stress almost made her lose the baby. I did not realize that your son did not live with you. If he refuses to talk about his sister there is not anything you can do. I really do know what you are saying about being best friends as my mom and I were the best of friends and I miss her so much and it hurts that I do not have the same type of relationship with my own daughter and it is not for lack of trying. The day my son was killed she went to the funeral home with me because my husband just could not do it I honestly believe if he had he would have had a heart attack. I used to tell Joe my son and Nicole my daughter when they would fight and argue that they needed to make sure that they never went to bed angry at each other as you never know what might happen and if something bad should happen to one of them and they were fighting the other one would feel horrible for the rest of their lives. Well any way by daughter said to me that day mom I am so sorry I never listened to you about not fighting with each other but I am so happy that Joe and I were not fighting we were actually getting along very well for the last couple of weeks any time you need to talk you can email me I check this site several times a day.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 19
• 20
• 21
• 22
• 23
• …
• 36
• Next ›
• Page