Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by joey haning on July 13, 2012 at 9:02pm

i also lost my boyfriend a month ago today. I still sit around and cry all day long. I barely sleep  because of all the nightmares that i have.  I keep telling myself that i am gonig to be ok and that il get through this but some days it doesnt feel like it.  I miss coming home and seeing my boyfriends smiling face, he had a wonderful smile. I hope and pray every day that he knew how much i cared about him and that he was my entire world and still is.  I just try to get through one minute at a time. It just feels like the world is still going on but im stuck.  Everyone else is moving on with their lives but i cant because he was my life.

I am so sorry for your lose, i know how you feel.

Permalink Reply by renee collier on July 14, 2012 at 1:44am

joey,  I can relate to what you said about taking it one minute at a time.  I feel thats what I am trying to do.  And yes it does feel like the world is going on but I too feel stuck.  It sucks.  Well when you come onto this site you are not alone.  I miss my boyfriend every min of every day as I am sure you do as well

Permalink Reply by JL on July 31, 2012 at 9:59pm

My husband died on June 12th, 2012.  He was diagnosed with Chronic Renal Failure on 2nd February, 2012. and died during dialysis on my birthday. He started dialysis on May 10th and was doing his 11th one when h died. He was only 49 yrs. I was there when he died. He was my husband for almost 29 yrs..  It's been only a little over 2 months.  I miss him every day and I long for him.  I don't cry everyday anymore but I still cry.  The past month has been difficult.  I have been busy with many job and children.  Everything in the house and everywhere I go remind me of how lonely I am without him.  And although I go about my day, I come home and he is not there. I can't call him during the day to say I love you our just simply hearing his voice.   I feel sad and depressed. I just want to stay home, on my bed and be sad and cry and talk to his picture. They say grief will take time to subside but I am not really sure about that. 

I am thankful for this website. This is a place I can come to when I have days that are bad because although I have people who are supportive they can't relate because they have not been through what I am going through. And I don't want to be a burden or a downer.

I miss him so much it hurts.

Permalink Reply by Audra Ferguson on August 10, 2012 at 6:13pm

JL - God Bless you and your children. I hope you find a way through the grief. I posted my story in return, but I know what you mean about being surrounded by him at home. Anthony and I had only just started our lives together. I was blessed to have the time I had with him, but his stuff around me at home was at first a comfort and then unbearable. I put up more pictures but I slowly packed up his clothes and personal items. After each little bit of packing, I cried for hours and days.
So did it make it better? hard to say... I just packed it up. I can't bring myself to even move it out of the house into the garage or shed. Sometimes I pull out a t-shirt ad sleep in it. I go through my days acting like me. But it's only acting because without him I don't even know me anymore.
I hope you find some semblance of peace. I hope we all do.

Permalink Reply by Audra Ferguson on August 10, 2012 at 6:07pm

I am so sorry for your loss. My boyfriend died May 1st - just 4 days after you found your fiance. I went home from lunch and found him dead. I tried to revive him and of course called 911 - EMTs came and tried to revive him as well.. But he was already gone for too long.
I can relate to what you write here. My boyfriend's name was Anthony. We were together 20 months... we didn't even make it to two years. We were in love and I was finally happy for the first time in decades. We were high school classmates and reconnected in 2010, 26 years after high school. We just fit. It was like finding the other half of my heart. We were inseparable. I have been married before and in long term relationships, but I had never felt so connected.
I know exactly what you mean. I long to hear his voice when I come home after work... feel his touch, laugh at his corny jokes, watch TV with him - I have lost my father, my sister, a very close uncle and many others, but never have I lost someone so full of life - so healthy before this. There is still no explanation as the autopsy was inconclusive.
I feel for you Renee and I have said the same things too. I don't want to be a downer. I don't want to be a burden. My friends and family all tell me that I'm not. But I hide to cry.
I'm with you in spirit Renee... and Anthony my love I miss you down to my DNA.