tryn to deal with the loss of my mum n dad

I lost my mum 10th august 2010 and my dad, 10th april 2011.  I feel alot of guilt as i did when i lost my gran 15 years ago. 

I try to replace the feelings with something positive now.  Such as with my dad, I mean, after i lost my mum i was annoyed that the drip was taken away, i felt it was cos he gave permission,  at first i believed that and was so angry.  but then i blamed my self for not being at hospital with him, as he sat with her for over three months constantly, He had only one leg as his leg was amutated a yr before.

 

I thought about it and realised it was not his fault, he wanted her to go on as much as i did.  The hos docs presured him and said thr was nothing they could do.

 

I tell my self it was the shock of losing my mum wn we thrt she was ok again, to a certain extent. as, i was feeln guilty that i blamed my dad at first.  Even though now i know he loved her so very much, And i love my dad as much as i loved my mum.

 

If i feel regret about not seeing him at the house they lived in.  I tell myself, at least i stopped blaming him, and he came to my house, and there was no bad feeling, i even loved him coming over to see my and  my partnet and kids.  I only felt annoyed the first couple v times he visitedl.  Cos i thought that it was all his fault.  I sent him an elecronic birthday card in 14th January 2011 n he sent one in return sayn ,'you made my day,'  I sent him a christmas card from just me to him, sayn sent with all my love. it

it helps me to remember this.  Every time the guilt feelings return each day, i replace them with a positive thought, also regrets, replaced  with thoughts of a good action which replaces the negitive thought.  It really helps. me.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Bridget Doyle on March 15, 2012 at 12:46pm

I am very sorry for your loss Marie <3 I know it has been quite some time since you posted this, so I only wish I had read this sooner. Your words touched me, and provided me with hope during a time of resentment and guilt.

I was angry at, and blamed my friend for the corruption of another who ended up taking her own life; yet this same friend would end up doing the same only a month later... naturally, I felt guilty for ever harboring negative feelings towards her. Often I wonder if I did the right things, said the right things, in the months before I lost them.

Your post reminded me of a Lauryn Hill song (one of my favorite artists) called "Everything is Everything". In the song, she says that "after winter, must come spring...", and she also says

"Develop a Negative into a Positive Picture". Very good advice.

Feelings of guilt can be overwhelming, and make it so you go around with a negative outlook. Nothing can ever be positive when you put yourself in this mindset. It is better to think of, and to work for, the positive memories. With time and with work, your mindset will change, and the day can once again be fresh and new like a spring.

Take care and keep reminding yourself of that, and thanks again for the positive message.

Permalink Reply by Nancy Payette on September 14, 2012 at 6:29pm

Hi. I have a hard time with negative emotions. Today, I lost a ticket for the bus back to Guelph, Ontario from Rockwood, Ontario and all I can think of was that I lose thing everywhere I go. I can't seem to focus. Maybe there are too many reminders of mom and dad around. Or if there are, maybe i shouldn't talk about them to other people. People get fet up with me, especially priests. I am having a hard time with my faith right now and i feel like not going to church until i am able to cope better with the everyday things in life. But it still feels like a traumatic loss in my heart and is o easy to cry; which drive most males nuts! anyways, a good place for me to start is to practice hard on the positive things in life to continue with living.

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