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Comment by dream moon JO B on November 12, 2014 at 4:09pm

u dont get over it bill

iv had 2 mush multi loss sine 2012 after my dad died im lk why not me im lk iv even sead evry 1 wud be beter off if it had me 

grief has relly messet me up it has 

Comment by bluebird on November 12, 2014 at 10:21am

I don't think you should be "over it" just because 16 years have passed.  I fervently hope I don't live for 16 years after my husband's death (he died two years ago) -- hell, I hope I don't live for another 16 days, or hours, or minutes -- but for however long I am stuck in this fucking farce of a life, I will always mourn my husband's death, and I will always want nothing more than to be with him.

I truly am sorry that your wife died. Of course I can't know exactly what it's like for you, as it's different for each person dealing with this horror, but I do have some idea, and I would never wish this on anyone. I think you should have been allowed to grow old with your wife, as I should have been allowed to grown old with my husband, as m morgan should have been allowed to grow old with her husband, etc. The fact that we were not allowed to do that, to me points to there not being a god. I could be wrong about that, but if there is a god who let this happen, then as far as i'm concerned that god is a fucking bastard. Anyway, sorry about ranting about god, but that really is how I feel about it.

If there is any kind of afterlife to which we go after death, then i'm sure that your wife (and my husband, and m morgan's husband, etc.) is waiting for you there. If human souls continue to exist after death, then I know that my husband still loves me as always, and i'm sure the same is true of your wife.

Comment by morgan on November 12, 2014 at 12:34am

Meaningless.  One word that communicates what I am struggling to overcome.  From the very beginning I asked people who were recommending ways to experience my grief (the ones that think drugs and therapy will bring back sunshine automatically) " give me one good reason why I should go one".  Just one.  No one can provide even one.  No one can provide what I do is now "meaningful".  I see it as Groundhog day.  I do, and then do some more and continue to do but there is no reason for it. No meaning.  

I can only say that looking to 16 years of this when I am feeling like I am is not a very encouraging state.  I too thought that my beloved husband and I would spend our years growing old together.  He was 64, I am 62. I thought "come grow old with me, the best is yet to be" was where we were headed.  Now I just want out.  I will never be with anyone else.  That is definite.  And I am not meant to live alone.  It is why I am so desperate to leave.  I cannot live without him and it has become excruciatingly painful.  I knew what I was losing and we were so busy just trying to save his life that we forgot what terminal cancer meant.  I am tired and want to join him.