"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
What I wish that people knew what's going on behind my closed doors...
Warning. If you don't wish to hear anger, disappointment, a pity party, and down-right anger, stop reading now.
I am so sick of purging and packing I could scream. Everything has just come to a grinding stop. I'm overwhelmed. Every time I go to the mailbox there is another bill I can't pay. I can never get ahead of the process. I can't seem to stay organized and continually misplace things. I'm easily distracted. No family around, and acquaintances never offer any assistance. I just want to give up and walk away.
Neighbors, I have fallen four times in the last two months trying to complete the "take one step at a time" advice you are so eager to give me. The last spill ruined my left knee and now it looks like there's an egg perched atop my patella. You've seen it and said "Wow! that doesn't look good!" Fortunately, I still have a semi-functional right knee. No medical insurance, I have difficulty bending and doing stairs. There's no money to see a doctor because I choose to have lights and heat.
My very small front lawn needs to be mowed and I don't have a lawn mower. Do you think one of you could just take a few more steps, roll your mower over that invisible property line and cut mine while your'e out there? No. If the situation was reversed, I wouldn't think twice about it. Along the alley I have a 30' x 12inch patch that is getting long enough to receive a citation from the city. Could you continue mowing just that one swoop while you're there, instead of coming to a dead stop when you reach our property line? Nope, guess not.
You both know I don't have any money, am unemployed, there was no life insurance, no more SS or pension. Now, in order to make the lawn presentable to sell the house, I'll have to pay someone to do it with money that I'm also scraping together just to have running water.
People, I'm tired of hearing that I need to "move on." I already know there are things I must do. I am really trying to remain sane, despite my memory losses and frustration. Just maybe I could speed up the process if you could offer a bit of assistance. I'm not needing anything major. I could use a simple sanity check. I could use some reassurance. I need help with organizing my thoughts. Call me. Knock on my door. Let me know that you still live there. Don't give me the "If you need anything, call." and then abruptly turn away. And when I'm truly desperate, and get the courage to call, don't say "Gee, I'd love to help, but... (fill in the blank)."
When you see me and ask "How are you doing?" and I tell you "It's been tough, I have a lot to do, and I'm really stressed...there's a time crunch" (or something to that affect), don't say "Yep, gosh, it must be rough, but ya know? Ya just - need - to - take - wonnnnnnn - step - at - a - time." Yep, that really motivates me. Gee, I don't think I would have thought of that myself. Could you say "I'm here, what do you need help with today?" Or "I don't have anything going on Saturday, I can help you."
Oh, and do you remember that (literally) made-from-scratch chicken soup I brought over when you were ill? Do you remember the several times I've delivered the fresh out-of-the-oven food when I had the urge to cook or bake, but it was too much for two people? Nope, guess not.
In the beginning, the doorbell rang and the phone wouldn't stop ringing. I miss those days. I know that life goes on. I know people have jobs, children, and very busy lives. I did too. I guess I'm expecting too much. I treat people the way I would want to be treated. I would, and have done, whatever I could do to help. Maybe that's old-fashioned. I know this is just my own personal experience. I also know that my feelings are my own.
Please don't call me an ingrate. Yes, I'm whining, but, "ya know?" Just maybe if I felt that I had some help, and if I could just occasionally vent, I would feel some empowerment, not just emptiness and frustration. This is what I need the most.
M
Views: 74
Comment
-
Comment by Amanda Ab on January 3, 2012 at 3:36pm
-
Hi Mariann,
We all here can relate and understand all of the frustration we go through as widows. I myself have been in so much anger, frustration against other people, whom I would expect a little bit of help, but no, nothing. And hated so very much, when I hear "anything you need, just let us know" (as if that is going to solve everything, and like they will really do it) I believe that if one offers to help, he/she does it right then and then and DOES NOT leave it up to us, because guess what "WE DO NEED HELP". I am in financial strain as well since loosing my husband. Bills keep coming, rent to pay, and 2 year old to raise, is at times too much for my little head to handle. I dont get any assitance from anywhere neither from in laws, besides a box of diapers once every other month (if i get lucky) but nothing else. And yes, people eventually stop coming, and stop calling. And I am beginning to try to work with the little that I have, which is only my son, my mother and I. No one else to support me or help me. I am having difficulty doing this, but I am tired of expecting others to act as I would do myself, its not worth it.. People dont understand unless they have gone through something similar, like we understand each other, and will obviously help each other out.
I am here to listen . I found this qoute in reading a book my friend gave me for xmas "Light Always Follows Darkness".
Take Care,
Amanda
-
Comment by anne on January 1, 2012 at 11:37pm
-
You go girl, you just let all those feeling out. I truly wish I lived nextdoor to you. I know all those feelings. When a person has to grieve all the things that normally get done become overwhelming. After the dust settles after a death no one comes around. It's a sad reality but one people who are grieving face. I hope things settle down for you. It's got to be really awful to lose a spouse. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
-
-
Dear Mariann
I didn't even think about all the things my husband did until I had to do them. When something isn't working I absolutely panic. But I have now unclogged drains, moved large tree limbs, restarted the fireplace, etc. I am luckier than you because I do have a wonderful neighbor that did drive his riding lawn mower up on my lawn and cut it. I have a friend not to far away but today she left for NC and won't be back for a month so that has me undone that she is not here to call if I needed her. I have inlaws that just say its too bad I live so far away. I am 35 minutes from them! When people ask if I'm okay I want to say "No". I am not okay and I don't think I ever will be. My financial picture is very bleak like yours and I don't know from day to day if I will make but more to point do I want to make it! I do not blame you for your feelings. I wish I were there and could help you. I have pity parties too. Espeially when people tell me their plans for going out, taking trips, etc. all the things I will not be able to do. I think the beauty of this site is the fact that we find we are not alone in our feelings. Please know I am thinking about you and am always here to talk. You can be angry and I willl understand
-
Comment by anna l. on January 1, 2012 at 4:49pm
-
Oh dear I wish I was your neighbor, or close enough to boot yours in the butt!!! I get the "if you need anything, just call" too. And I dont call because I dont usually have the words to express what I need. Instead of saying, just call, I too wish they would just call and offer something helpful. Like a ride to the store to get groceries for me, cut your grass for you!! Im glad you got to say your peace here. Just wish with all my heart I could do something to help you. I dont have the huge financial worry you have but money is certainly tight now and I am very thankful for what I have as I know not all of us are as fortunate. Is there a free clinic you can go to to have your knee looked at? Is there a church group you could contact to get help with your lawn? Where I live I know there are churches that have an elderly support system that does that as well as snow shovelling for them in the winter.
Groups
-
Being the Other Woman/Ot…
45 members
-
Loss of a loved one to a…
3 members
-
Grief Counseling
141 members
-
Sibling Loss
10 members
-
Losing My Sister
5 members
-
Losing a Sister
94 members
-
Funeral Service
2 members
-
I miss my Mom!
751 members
-
LESBIAN ..GAY 2 SPIRITE…
15 members
-
Loss of a child In memor…
29 members
-
Too Young To Die
17 members
-
Multiple Losses Group
324 members
-
Zoom Grief Support
39 members
-
Orphaned Adults
80 members
-
Sole Survivors
15 members
Latest Activity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
"Kali
I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal.
Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
It was not supposed to be like this
In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
© 2024 Created by Ninja.
Powered by
You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!
Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community