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Anne,
Thank you for your kind words. Like you, I really wanted to concentrate on some of the good times we used to have. Shawn was quite a card. He was crusty tough one the outside and if you could get past that you would find a marshmello heart. He didn't realize he had it or that it was showing. ha ha. He was more than just my son, he was my friend and we had a lot of fun together. We also went through a lot together, the accident for one, a tornado for another. He was a hero to his siblings even if they didn't always want to admitt it.
He was with me 3 years ago last night. My Mother was in hospice and I was there with her all the way through. It had been a couple of days since she had responded to us and we could tell it was coming time for her to go. Shawn came to the hospital that night and pronounced he was not leaving. He didn't want me to be alone if Mom Passed. He told me to lay down and rest and he would take first shift. He positioned himself in a corner and pulled the tv to where he could watch it. He sat there all night and watched tv and also watched Mom breath.
She stayed with us until 3 years ago today at 6 pm central time. The nurses came to bathe her and she took a deep breath and was gone. It just so happened that the kids had gone to eat and were on their way back. I started to go to them, but they came in just after. They gathered around me and tried to comfort me. Mom had alzheimers for several years. At the end, she was also blind and didn't know anyone was there sometimes. During hospice, the seemed to recognize me for the first time in a long time. I told her to go ahead if she needed to and not to worry about me, cause I'll be home before dinner. I truly think she was already there and her body just had to catch up. It was peaceful and I know she didn't suffer any longer than necessary. She was 86. I miss her so much, but in the end it was like I was more the parent and she the child.
Now I believe she went home to a wonderful reunion of relatives and just waited for Shawn to come to her. I know she is taking good care of him until I get there.
It may sound silly, but I am not so afraid of death as I once was.
I loved your story of your boys and the pranks you all would pull. I'm glad there was humor in your lives, and that you have the wonderful memories to comfort you. Sometimes we need to go back and think of the good times. Good memories help us to heal. Does it mean I won't miss my son, NO, but it helps to remember him like he was.
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