Comment

Comment by christina d on January 2, 2014 at 7:11pm

I am so sorry for your loss.  I understand how you feel.  I lost my fiancé on December 7th.  While we were not married, we had been together for 18 years and lived together for the last ten.  I still cannot believe he is really gone until I come home and the house is dark and he is not here and never will be again.  We did everything together including working at the same place, playing in card leagues and horseshoes together.  We never had any children together and when I am home I absolutely can't stand the silence of him not being here.  Every little thing that I see or happens reminds me of him in some way.  I am also angry because he had surgery 2 1/2 weeks before his death and I believe that had something to do with it although they say it was a heart attack even though he had a nuclear medicine stress test 3 days before the surgery and it was completely negative.  It was a minor surgery and it wasn't a life or death decision to have it but I was just nervous about it from the beginning. I also feel like the same about staying in our home as he loved this house and our life here with our three dogs but  I also feel scared, panicky, and I just can't imagine being here without him.  I don't see anything ever getting better, I feel like I died with him.  

Comment by CJ on December 31, 2013 at 8:08pm

I relate to your agony of wishing, hoping, and yearning for his touch, his voice, his warmth, his laugh.  2 months ago I lost the man I loved for 12 years and like you and your husband, he was my best friend. I am without my confidant, the person I shared my exciting news with, or the person I first sought out when I needed advice.  Someone said something to me that helped, at least some times, she said, "He is always with you, he has given you the gift of true love for 12 years.  He wants you to lead your thoughts with that memory.  He ended his life knowing you gave him that gift and he had literally spent the rest of his life on this earth in love with YOU".  I  think of what she said often and I try to accept his gift to me of true love right up until the day he died by showing him that I will take the lessons he has taught me while we were together and I will find joy and spread joy.  Often, I say the words, even though I haven't figured out quite how to genuinely do it yet.

Comment by Nemesis on December 16, 2013 at 10:49pm

I am so sorry!  You know I will be praying for strength for you and your children.  Asthma is a sneaky disease and I believe it must have been terrifying.  I am hoping that things improve for your daughter.  Hold each other tight.  You are right, the little things keep popping up and it is hard to keep remembering that our loved ones are gone.  

Comment by Cortney on December 14, 2013 at 10:55pm

I feel your pain. I lost my husband less than a month ago. He died suddenly from an asthma attack of all things. Now I am raising 3 kids alone. Our oldest is 13 and she is having a hard time and I have to be strong for her.
You are not along. I wish I can just hide in my house for a few days and cry but I have to put on a brave face. I don't like going to family functions either but they are family. I miss him holding me and him making me laugh. It's the little things that we miss the most.