Grief - such an interesting process.  The question is, according to "Healing After Loss" are there benefits to us in grieving?  We do get attention and sympathy from those around us. Perhaps we're able to avoid responsibilities that were never on our list of favorite things to do anyway?  How about the fact that grief can actually make us feel even closer to our lost loved one? 

Here's the punch line - of course we want to stay close to our loved one, BUT it's the person we need to hold in our minds; dwelling on the loss only gets in the way of our doing that.

"My hope is found in my love, not in the degree of my grieving"  Peace

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Comment by bluebird on July 6, 2014 at 5:54pm

I truly hope you find the peace, hope, and desire for life that you want, and that you will eventually be with your son again.

Comment by Gale Brunault on July 6, 2014 at 5:37pm

I truly understand wanting our loved ones here - that's the best case scenario.  Although it's only been a month since I lost my son, I am trying to process this horrific grief the best way possible.  When a friend gave me the book "Healing After Loss", I began reading and blogging.  It has helped me immensely (even if only for a miinute out of my grief stricken day).  The perspectives are so thoughtful, truthful and compassionate that I find myself looking forward to reading each daily meditation. 

Believe me Bluebird there are days that all I want is to be with my son - after all how can I go on without him?  Healing After Loss has given me a smidgen of hope that I may be capable of "living" again; not today, not tomorrow, but someday.  I'm willing to hold out for that someday.  Peace to you.

Gale

Comment by bluebird on July 6, 2014 at 3:35pm

That's a lovely way to look at it, but I can't agree.  To me, holding my husband "in my mind" is simply nowhere near enough -- I need to have him here, with me, and failing that I need to be wherever he is, but I do not have faith in an afterlife, so I don't even know if he is anywhere. And so I have no real hope. I try to hope that there is an afterlife, but I long for death either way.

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It was not supposed to be like this

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