THE PAIN IS UNBEARABLE RIGHT HOW

My husband passed away on December 3, 2010 while waiting for a heart transplant.  He had undergone 3 major surgeries in the past two years.  I was in a state of shock for the first week and now every day seems to be getting worse.  Yesterday I picked up his ashes.  Today I donated all of his clothing after family members took some of his nicer things.  My hands are shaking as I'm trying  to type.  I can't sleep, I can't eat.  I know I have to go through this in order to heal (I equate this to a junkie in drug withdrawal).  None of my friends have lost their spouses so they really don't know how I feel.  I know I have to take one breath and one day at a time.  It's just so hard.  I walked into my son's house yesterday and my little three year old grandson said, "Grandma where's Pop Pop?"  My heart is breaking.

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Comment by Linda Gutierrez on December 26, 2010 at 5:33pm
Thank you for sharing with me. Our stories are so familiar. My husband needed a liver. Sometimes the pain is so intense i can't breath! even tho it was sept that he left, like you, was just yesterday. He was home the whole time. Oh he was in and out of hospitals for several years, but, last Christmas was when they told us we needed to call Hospice. You know, i don't remember last Christmas, or even the last three years. My girls having been filling me in. Youngest daughter and her 3 kids live with me, so, we've had each other. But, neither of us want to leave the house. It just does'nt feel right, you know ? All i remember is him, taking care of him. Then as time went on, he started losing it mentally, and the last couple of days before he left, he would'nt let mee hold him or touch him. That was unbearable! Like you today is no better. I still have everything the way it was. Have'nt even started on the closet yet.
Comment by rose on December 21, 2010 at 9:18pm
I would like to recommend youngwidow.org. it is a site full of support and comfort...and it is not just for young people. Widows and widowers of all ages belong to this community. Hugs to you.
Comment by Ammy on December 19, 2010 at 12:16pm

Patricia, I'm very sorry for your loss.  It is hard at any time, but I'm sure it feels even harder at this time of year.  Don't be surprised at the emotions you are going through.  They are normal.  You learn to accept them as part of your new way of living.  We are all in this and learning a new way to live.  I pray you will find some comfort in good memories.  Blessings & hugs, Ann

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