This is a week that I can't seem to get my mind off of Shawn and the hole in my heart. I would like to share some things about my son that made him the person he was. When he was little, his hero was the 6 million dollar man. He loved to run all over the place. When he was 5, he was driving me crazy one day, and I thought about something he could do which would keep him occupied. I gave him a salt-shaker with salt in it. I told him if he could put salt on a bird's tail, he would be able to catch the bird. I got the biggest kick out of him running all over the yard chasing birds. Needless to say, he would sneak up on the bird, and just as he could put salt on it's tail, it would fly away. It gave him something to do and and except for filling the salt shaker, I had time to get things done while keeping an eye on him.
His little sister was in a walker and he loved to tease her. He would sing song Na, Na na, na na. She would chase him with her teeth chomping. She never caught him, but she came close.
As they grew older we spent our share of time and money in emergency rooms with his knees, and ankles.
He went to live with his Dad when he was 15, but ended up with the step- mother, as his dad worked for a barge line. He was on the barge for 30 days and home for 15. He had no regard for the step-mother. After that he went to live with his grandparents. It was very hard for me to let him go, but ultimately it was for the best.
When he was 17 he signed up for the Army, went through boot camp and was trained to work on Bradleys. He was sent to Germany and was a mechanic on the Bradleys. His wife went there with him and about a year later they broke up and he ended up getting a discharge for hardship which was honorable. It broke his heart. He went to work on the barge line with his father and loved the job, but he managed to twist his left knee and was put off the boat. I went to get him and we took him to a Dr. They fitted him with a brace which would stabilize his knee. About 3 months later he had his car accident. In the accident, he lost both feet. He was taken to S.E. Missouri Hospital. His feet were shredded at the scent. When I went to the hospital that night, it was a terrible shock to see him laying on an examination table, and where his feet should have been, the table was flat. The accident happened at 2 am. There were 3 others in the car and they were returning from a pool league celebration. There was a fight with his girlfriends ex, and decided to head home. The three others got into the car. We think the one in the passenger tried to force Shawn to turn on a road he had no intention of going on, and he over-corrected and his fire bird went flying into a tree. The tree came in on the drivers side and his feet were amputated immediately. The tree tore his car in half. He stayed with the front, and the rear continued on down the road about 50 yards. The ones who came to help were paramedics which Shawn knew and they had also been at the pool league. They thought it was a 2 car collision until they realized it was one car, split in half.
Where Shawn landed there was a patch of mud, which he slid into and packed his legs so he didn't lose too much blood. That same patch caused him to lose his left knee. He had a break above the knee. They decided to take the leg a little above the place they normally would have, but they went above the break so he wouldn't have to wait for the break to heal. He also had the middle finger on the left hand which was dead and they removed it above the knuckle and placed a pin to pull it together. If you didn't know he was missing a finger you wouldn't notice. It was amazing how they pulled it together. Later as healing began, he made a joke of himself calling himself "Bart Man".
We were told he would be in the hospital for 2 months, and in rehab at least a month. He actually was in the hospital for 2 weeks and in rehab 1 week. They said they couldn't teach him any more to be independent, because he already was independent. They released him 24 hours after his last morphine shot. They sent us home with lots of medicine, mostly for pain. They told us that he may be depressed and could even attempt suicide. I went home and hid all the knives and scissors and anything I could think of he could use to hurt himself. I wouldn't let him self-medicate and I had a chart for what he took and when. About 2 weeks later, he was in the kitchen and had cooked a pizza and called me in there. I went in and he said, "Mom, where are all the knives???" I was stunned and said I would get him a pizza cutter. He told me that I should have known by then that he had more to live for than his feet. He asked if I didn't know that. I told him I did know that, but was afraid he didn't. We just started to laugh.
don't get me wrong, he was in a lot of pain. One of the meds was perkocet. I can't remember the strength, but when I took it to him and he told me I was wasting the meds and the time, because they were not doing anything to ease the pain. He quit them cold turkey.
We did go to pain management in Cape Girardeau, Mo. They would numb him from the waist down and then wait for him to regain feeling. They said they were hoping to reset the memory of the point of impact.
Others in the car had head injuries and an arm injury. The lady in the back seat was in a coma for 9 months, and was coming out of it and learning to walk and talk again and made good progress. The man was injured but not as badly as she was. The one in the passenger seat was wounded in his arm and it required surgery.
Shawn had had six small cups of beer, and they charged him with felony DUI. He never went to jail, but the possibility was there.
About a week later, the DA called in the lady with the brain injury and asked if they should charge him to the fullest extent of the law. She said no, that he hadn't forced her into the car, and they were friends. A week later, something happened to her tracheotomy, and she passed away. Since the Tracheotomy was due to the accident, he could have been charged with vehicular manslaughter. They offered him a deal, to plead guilty to DUI and they put him on probation for 5 years. He also had to take classes on alcohol and anger management.
He told me the week before he passed away that never did a day pass but what he thought of that lady.
Needless to say he never drove again. He also contracted Hep C due to the blood transfusions that helped save him. His accident was the January before they tested for Hep C in April.
He knew it was wrong to drink and drive and had been drinking non-alcohol beer. It wasn't available that night and he also said, he doesn't know for sure what caused the accident, but he was angry as he drove home. That is what he blamed.
I don't know how you all believe, but we believe the number 666 is connected to evil. The odometer in his car read 44,666. When he heard that, it hit him like a ton of bricks. He also had a hat that he wore a lot about that time. One of his friends went to the scene and found his hat. He washed it and took it to him. It didn't leave his head the whole time in the hospital and about a year later.
My husband had to go out to where the car was put in a junk yard and found his wallet. I have pictures of the car and will put them on here. At the base of the drivers door is a swatch of his jeans.
Trust me he didn't go to jail, but there's nothing like being bound to a wheel chair for the rest of your life. He wasn't paralyzed, but he was slowed way down. He also suffered for 18 years with what the DR.'s said was memory of impact. Don't think I could do that.
Sorry for rambling, but it has helped me.