3 weeks tomorrow, i've started sleeping better, and im have intervals of not crying until someone brings tod up.  i know people mean well, but if i think about toddie i can't function, and i can't af…

3 weeks tomorrow, i've started sleeping better, and im have intervals of not crying until someone brings tod up.  i know people mean well, but if i think about toddie i can't function, and i can't afford to lose my job.

 

friday night, our night to watch all of our dumb shows, stay up late, curl up and cuddle after dinner together.  the week would be over and we would wind down in each others company, thrilled to have two full days together.  He was so lonely while i worked all day, and weeknights were so busy, but the weekends were ours.

 

tonight, i struggle to fill the time, watch tv, read, make some dinner for 1.  keep noise in the house, keep my mind off the fact that it's 3 weeks since i've heard him say i love you, 3 weeks since he's kissed me, 3 weeks since he's smiled at me.

 

what will tomorrow bring, another of day of going through the motions, painting on a smile, doing what society thinks i should, learning to be widow

Views: 70

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by Patricia J. Jones on March 31, 2011 at 8:52am

I know exactly what you are going through.  It will be four months in a few days for me.  My husband aged so badly with his illness he ~ he looks so old in this picture ~ he had just turned 65 ~ three months before he died.  He was 10 years older than me.  We were married for 35 years ~ just a kid when I married him.  I miss him so much every day.  I think I was in a complete state of shock for 60 days.  Things finally started to settle after that and reality hit me in the face.  I keep my TV on 24/7 just to have some background noise.  I've had to completely stay away from the things we used to share together, songs, TV, favorite restaurants.  I can't do it right now.  As far as the medical bills go in some states you aren't liable for your husband's bills after his death.  I live in Illinois and I am not responsible.  I did my job by submitting them all to Medicare and Insurance but after that I'm not responsible.  Check it out.  All states have different laws.  God's blessings to you.  This grief thing is a lot of work.  One good day followed by a bad day.  Everyone calls it a roller coaster ride.  It does get better though.......one step.....one day at a time.

 

Comment by Sean Casey on March 26, 2011 at 4:27pm

Glad you're at least sleeping better and the crying's not hitting as bad.

 

It's been 7 weeks for me since I got the news my wife had killed herself.  I'm getting better at not thinking about it as much, but there's still so much to get done that it's hard to avoid all the reminders.

 

I know what you mean about learning to be (in my case) a widower.  Never figured I'd have to learn that at 41.

Latest Activity

dream moon JO B posted a blog post

Not looking forward to Christmas

It's been a long time since I've posted a Blog on here but I am not looking forward to Christmas I am notBecause the people should be here it's no longer hereSee More
Dec 2
Profile IconBert Sel and Nikki joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 27
Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 19
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service