Over

I feel so hopelessly broken today. I put on my ",normal" face today and went to work. I talked to people even laughed, but inside I was screaming "Can't you see I need help? I'm dying here!". Of course, those were only words heard within. Only one person that I work with, an alarmingly intuitive soul, HEARD my voice on the phone and knew something wasn't right. Knew that wasn't me. Knew I had been crying, but didn't want to come out and ask. So she posed another question, " Have you got a cold or allergies? A pause that was a second too long, then I replied, "Something like that, I guess" and hurriedly changed the subject. People can't fix my grief. So why even bother them? Nobody, no pill can fix it. Just want it over with, sometimes. Don't mean to be gross, but my constant grief reminds me of vomiting. Nobody wants to do it. I had rather face a firing squad than do it, will do everything in my power to keep from it. But that horrible nausea gets to be a terrible burden to bear and so you just let it out, as unpleasant as it's going to be, because you know relief will follow. That's where I'm at with this grief. I just want IT or ME to be over...

Views: 174

Comment

You need to be a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community to add comments!

Join Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Comment by FLORA on May 4, 2016 at 1:30pm

Hi Felicia, I too know how you feel. I lost the love of my life going on three months ago, and the grief is an awful, terrible feeling, and it's always there!!! He's the first thing on my mind in the morning, the last thing at night, and all day in between..... I just want it to stop!!! I'll always love and miss him with all my heart, but I want to be happy again, otherwise what's the point of living??

Comment by HollowHeart on May 2, 2016 at 11:19am

I know just how you feel. I know that may sound presumptuous, but I get it. I would also rather face a firing squad, at least this pain would be over then. I am another one of those sad souls that has to go to work (and job I don't even like which makes it worse) and pretend to be OK and socialize. I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there. I understand exactly wanting someone to see your pain but also knowing they don't care and there is nothing they can do anyway. I guess there is a feeling of wanting someone to realize how much suffering you are going through on a daily basis. How I think about wanting to die multiple times a day to end this torment. I'm tired of being miserable.

Comment by Felicia on April 28, 2016 at 8:34pm

I am very sorry for your losses, as well.  It is so difficult to be "normal" for everyone elses'  sake when your heart is breaking inside you.  Looking forward to this promise from God coming true, Isaiah 25:8--"God will swallow up death FOREVER, and wipe the tears from all faces..."

Comment by Sharon Stolp on April 28, 2016 at 5:30am

My heart understands so well what you are saying. I lost my husband of 46 years Feb.5th, 2016 at 11:15 a.m. due to cardiac arrest.  It hurts so badly.

Groups

Latest Activity

Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Welcome Them!
Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
Welcome Them!
Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
dream moon JO B updated their profile
Oct 16
Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
Welcome Them!
Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
Thumbnail

It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26
1 Comment

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service