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Comment by denise cooke on March 21, 2011 at 6:18pm

I know how you feel. On March 5 I lost my forever best friend, my soulmate. We had been together for the past 12 yrs.  He was the best thing that ever happen to me. About 6 to 7 yrs ago they told me he had liver failure, and that if he was lucky enough to leave the hospital they gave him 6 months to a few years. This had come on all of a sudden and I thought for sure the drs were wrong. I also am in the medical field and work as a nurse.  SInce that day we have had alot of close calls, he would always pull through, and come back home with me. THis time he didn't, let for work that morning, gave him a kiss, told him I loved him and he said I  love you too George, and I told him I would see him after work, he said he would see me then. That was the last time that he would talk with me. Came home and he was on the couch, he had slipped into a hepatic coma and never came back to me. the saddness is overwhelming most of the time, I try and keep busy, have the most supportive kids and family.and i love them. But that doesnt change the emptyiness I feel here at our home. My Sweets also had made some bad choices ealier in his life, but since we had been together he had made alot of changes. He was so good for me and too me. We had talked about his wishes, I promised I would not put him on a vent, I knew in my heart that wouldnt change things and he would hate me it I did, he would come back to haunt me for sure. Sweets had such a rough go of it the last day of his life, I felt so bad I couldnt make it better this time or make it easier for him. I want just one more day with him, my heart is aching so bad, everyone keeps telling me you are strong you will get through this, it cant make them understand the hurt I am feeling. We had plans to grow old together, side by side in our rocking chairs. He was only 47, how do I learn to live without him,  dont know how too. I know that he left this world knowing that I loved him and i know that he loved me. Sweets always told me always and forever, this is not forever,

Comment by charlene aragon on February 15, 2011 at 8:36pm

Hi Sherri

People do depend on you, I'm sure you have friends ho love you and would hate for you to leave them, I too want to scream, and the pain is too much.. I hate when docs misdiagnose you than think it's nothing.  I was misdiagnosed myself, but found a doc to listen and they were able to get the cancer out of me, but before that they didn't listen..  You sound very strong, and seem to have your head together, but of course I could be wrong, because I probably seem the same way, but don't feel strong... He'll always be with you, and in your heart, you gave him love, and that can never be taken from you.... you keep ur head up. I'm jst a click away

Comment by Sherri Cremer on February 15, 2011 at 8:02pm

hi Charlene, sorry I missed you on chat. Sorry for your loss, I understand those feelings you are having. I too feel like giving up, I don't want to live either. I am so frustrated I want to scream, and I have. It is not your fault he didn't go to the doctor.  Eric went to the doctor but they misdiagnosed him and didn't take his symptoms seriously. I think you did the right thing with the life support, and what a tough decision for you to have to make. You have to continue on living, you have people relying on you. I try to tell myself the same, but I don't have people relying on me. I am so alone and have absolutely no support except from his family across the sea. Which is no help to me while I am here. I couldn't even go to his funeral service which was yesterday.

Keep in touch, the only thing that keeps me going is my belief that he is around me still. xx