I am still stuck

Today would have been my dads 96th birthday. He died in 1978 and I have been without him for so long that it is normal. However I still remember the day even as I can't remember what his voice sounded like. My mom has been dead for 5 months now and I am so afraid I will forget the sound of her voice. I want to hanger on to it. I never tape recorded her stories like I told myself I would. I have three older brothers and a sister but its like we were never in the same family. For the last 20+ years I have lived my life always doing the "right thing" for my mother. I loved being with her and we took her on our family vacations, I knew that those were times we would always have for memories. We have all the pictures and my children have wonderful memories but I still feel that it was not enough. I should have gone to see her in the nursing home more. I did what I could but I should have done more. Would it ever have seemed like enough? If i went to see her everyday would Istill feel like I did not do enough? My grief is turning into guilt and I know these cycles are normal but that does not make it any easier to et through the days.

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It was not supposed to be like this

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