Comment

Comment by Ruth on July 4, 2011 at 8:12pm

Fred, I have been thinking a lot about you since I left my comment.  I hope you are doing better than your last post indicated, but it is OK if you are not.  I am praying for all of us here and especially you, your wife and your daughter.

Comment by Ruth on June 30, 2011 at 9:54pm

Dear Fred,

I am so glad the first time I read your comment was today.  I am full of white-hot hatred today as well.  I can NOT know how you feel.  I lost my dad to murder but to lose a child, it is unfathomable to me.  I thought I was going crazy in the courtroom today hearing so many lies.  I had to just sit there and let it happen!  I wanted to scream, "Why are you listening to this convicted CRIMINAL?  HE IS A CHILD OF THE FATHER OF LIES!" as I rush up to beat him with the code books the prosecutor had on his desk.  I will now definitely fantasize about killing his father, who  helped his son after the fact; wouldn't that be just?

 

That's my crazy.  I live side by side with her and crybaby.  Who am I?  I am rational and I am Love.  I have so much LOVE inside for my DAD.  HUGE LOVE.  Love for who he was to me, love for how he was with everyone else, love for who he was to my mom.  Love for the person he made himself.  Love for that Love. For what he taught me about Love.  It is bigger, and deeper and stronger and smarter  and better than any other agony in my life.  I can't give dimension to it because what we had is so much more than anything that unthinking, unloving POS could ever experience. I don't just hate that murderer, I hate everything he represents. I am bigger and better and stronger and smart enough to not let this insignificant mite of a soul dishonor the wellspring of the love I have experienced with my dad.  That hater tried to cut the world off from the love your daughter had to give it.  Please don't let him succeed.  Please, just like you helped me now, couldn't your magnify that LOVE your daughter was to you?  I feel your love for her, for the joy she brought into your life.  Could you think of a way to channel that love to build a way to honor your girl?  We are here for you, we accept your anger and pain.  I pray for all of us here because we all need the cleansing our tears and our burning hatred brings to our gaping soul  wounds.

 

PS my son's name is Fred.  Just plain  "Fred", old school :)

Comment by tammi sue maczorowski on December 29, 2010 at 2:30pm

im sorry for your loss. i lost my husband two months ago he was 32. we have 3 young kids. 3, 7, 11.

it is ok to be angry. i probably don't let myself get angry enough. i am a christian, but im not going to tell your feelings are wrong. just do something with that anger , or it will kill you. just do something that can help you vent it. i do volunteer work it helps heal me. what ever killed your daughter volunteer for that cause. it will help you. my husband was a very angry man because he had so many deaths in his family. this is what took his life. please don't let it happen to you. we care for you. because we feel pain too, but not like yours none of our pain is the same. go to a support group for parents who lost a child. even if you are afraid of breaking down, or venting that is what they are there for. i know your angry with God, but i will pray for you. because you need it wether you think you do or not. remember we care about you. your daughter would want you to keep on living. find a cause and fight for it. journal it is really helpful. get angry on those pages. i do all the time. it helps thinking of you. tammi ( a young widow)

 

Comment by Patricia J. Jones on December 27, 2010 at 5:33am

I  can only imagine how you feel.  I think you have a human right to feel the way you do.  I just recently lost my husband and the pain of that is unbearable.  The pain of losing a child is the hardest thing any person could ever go through.  My son's close friend Chris was killed by a drunk driver on Super Bowl Sunday 17 years ago.  He had just turned 18.  After his parents spent a year grieving they decided to turn his death into something positive.  The spent the next 5 years going to high schools (with the drunk driver) speaking to the students about the evils of mixing driving with alchohol.   I think your wife is right.  I don't think you can get through this alone.   It's the anger that tears you up inside.  I was very angry at God after he took my brother at such a young age.  I miss him every day and it's been 24 years.  I'm still in shock over the death of my husband (three weeks ago).  The anger stage hasn't hit me yet but when it does I know it will hit with a vengance.  We don't ever get over the pain.  I guess we just learn to live with it.  Don't be afraid to reach out for help.  Your wife is your greatest ally in this.   She's trying to help you.   

Comment by Diana, Grief Recovery Coach on December 26, 2010 at 10:46am

I've been thinking about you, Fred.  (((((hugs)))))

Comment by anne on December 24, 2010 at 11:20pm

This is the best site for venting. Sometimes you need to be able to let the junk out. I have learned that the feelings are ok but never the actions. Both of my son's were killed in car accidents and since I started on this web site I feel some good release when I blog here. So vent away we are here.

Comment by coachlouise on December 23, 2010 at 3:24am

Thank you for venting, you need to get your feelings out, wrong or right is not the question, just get them out in a healthy  way, which is what you just did. Thats the first step. Talking to a grief coach or therapist will help you.... not lock you away. I remember thinking I wanted to die just to see my son, I needed to know he was alright. This is natural, we are parents. Take your pillow and scream in to it as loud as you can , you can even beat it up. Write a hate letter with all your feelings and then burn it in a fire. Chop wood, go to the river and throw rocks. Start running a mile everyday, then work up to five miles. You are mad, and you have a right to be. The key to healing, is finding the right place to vent your feelings. There is a frustration  in not being able to control life. Not being able to save your daughter. It is the hardest thing we ever face. What your feelings are telling me is how much you do know how to love, because to feel this much pain means you loved your daughter deeply. Know that she loves you too. 

If you died and your daughter was having to deal with her grief over you, what would you want her to do? What advice would you give her, would you want her to be mad forever, kill herself, or....?

I honestly send you compassion, no judgement, just love, Coach Louise