The very first day, yesterday, was normal. Not too bad, not the greatest. A few people noticed my tattoo and said how they were sorry about it, etc, and some friends saw it for the first time in person and just wordlessly gave my a hug. I went and saw one of his teachers, saw one of my teachers that I unexpectedly left last year a week before school was over and talked to her a bit, that was the only time that day that there was any danger of crying, but i made it through without a drop, and got used to my schedule... that was pretty much it. But today, the second day of school, was oddly really hard. During my first 'class', which is an off period, nothing major happened, but I was sad and got annoyed by one of the people that I don't like that happens to have the off period and sits with my friends and I. I also went up and visited the teacher I saw yesterday, no issues with tearing up this time (though that could've been because one of my other friend accompanied me this time) and I even talked about Robert a little bit. After 1st, I met Ryan outside his class and walked with him to our general direction of our next classes. But before the bell rang dismissing 1st period, one of my teachers from the previous year, another one that i unexpectedly left a week before school was over for the summer, stopped to talk to me. I muttered a hello and she asked me how i was doing. She then mentioned that she knew Robert. He had told me this before, but i hadn't remembered until then. She said she really liked having him in her class, and he was very smart, sweet and funny.. And how she knew his loss was one that many people would have and will continue to mourn. I guess that was my first warning that today was going to be a bad day. Next class was my 3rd period (Wednesdays have odd number classes) and I got through it, no trouble except a did doze off a couple times, just for a few seconds. But then our school news show came on, and it had little highlights from last year and everything... Then the little clips of graduation came. Graduation was May 19th. Robert was hit May 20th. I watched, pretty much glued to the screen as the song that was sung and the video played. I tried to remember the day before my life fell apart. I remember texting Robert, telling him that Jenna R, my (now ex) boyfriends' sister asked me why he didn't come and also mentioned that she liked him and how funny he was. I just smiled at her, silently agreeing. That simple video of what was some people's happiest days of their lives so far, made my day spiral down, and fast. After that, I had my 5th period, Economics, but I saw Ryan before that class. He always can tell when something is wrong, and that time was not one that he over looked. He guessed what made my mood bad on the first try, and I just simply nodded, trying to make the subject go away. I was already close to tears. I continued to think about the last day I had my brother in my life... And before I knew it, we were at my classroom. I said goodbye to Ryan, telling him I'd see him after this class was over for lunch and 7th period, and shuffled into my classroom. I continued to think, and tears continued to threaten me, which would not be a good 2nd impression to give to my teacher. (all the teachers in the school know about Robert, but either way. I'd rather not break down the 2nd day of class anyways.) So i quietly dismissed myself to the bathroom, and hid in there for only a couple minutes, long enough for me to drop a couple silent tears and wipe them away and get rid of any proof that they existed. I went back to class, lived, and got out for the lunch. My teacher let us out a minute early, so I was waiting outside of Ryan's class when he came out. I had texted him and told him about the video bothering me when i went to the bathroom, but he hadn't read it until he came out, which i didn't mind. But he was apologetic anyways. I tried to dismiss his worry, and hopefully it worked. At the moment, i was not in the mood to be reminded that i can't just float through life and never think. We got to the lunch room and separated, so we could each have time with our friends without annoying either of the groups. I barely made it through lunch, i only did because of music. i wasn't in the mood to talk, so i think i brought a lot of my friends down, either that or just made them feel awkward. I left to go to the bathroom once, and let a few more tears silently fall. All the friends I have this year never met Robert, except maybe in passing (minus Ryan, he had hung out with us all a few times) so I don't really share what's going on with them. By the time lunch was over, i felt like i was totally crapped out, i just wanted to go to bed... I had another period ahead of me though, but it was another off period. I sat quietly for a bit until Ryan came and sat with me. I was having a really hard time, and couldn't even muster the fake smile i plaster on 95% of the time. I had been alone and thinking for so long, I had tears in my eyes, but they weren't full enough to spill over. Ryan, of course, immediately noticed this and asked what was wrong. I pretty much swatted the question away like a bug- I didn't want to say anything in worry of the tears spilling. Eventually, he let it go, and told me he had to run errand to teachers around the school, and i went with. After we had tried (and failed) to find his teachers, we were walking down the hall when a security guard notices us at the same time that we notice a teacher that he was looking for. she starts barking about how we aren't supposed to be in the halls, and Ryan tries to explain to her that we have off periods and we were just looking for teachers. She pretty much calls us liars and makes me go back to the cafeteria to wait for Ryan to be done with his teacher. The rest of the period is spent with Ryan pretty much, in the cafeteria talking to him and occasionally a couple of his friends.

Yeah... Today didn't go well. At all. Sorry, i wasn't expecting this to be so long. I just kinda blabbed all that i remembered about today and the little bit about yesterday. Again... If it doesn't make sense... I'm sorry?