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Comment by Maria on July 30, 2013 at 6:49am

I am so thankful for this group!! I did not realize that it is common for family to blame the mothers for their children's death. My brother and sister said I was a horrible mom too (our relationship is severed) and my girls also wouldn't talk to me. I have grieved without my family- alone with the Lord. I know that I sacrificed and gave of myself 100%. I worked midnights so that I would be with my children as much as possible. Sure I made mistakes that I wish I could do over, but I also know that I LOVED my children and would have give my life for them at any time in their lives. I figured that I must need this time to grow in the Lord and have tried to take advantage of that by reading and talking and always looking at the Lord in every decision I make. It could've gone the other way. My family are big partiers. When my son first died, I thought that I missed a lot of time with him because I don't drink. So as everyone digested his death the first day- and was doing shots, I stepped up and said I wanted one too...that I wanted to fix the time I could spend with them. Right after that, I thought, "what am I doing? I am throwing away all that I am to be more like them- NO!" Alcohol and drugs had been a big part and downfall of my youth. I have been clean for 25 years and would not go back.

Being a Christian has never been easy. It is nothing that I thought it would be. It is not going to church and not having fun. I had to get to know the Lord, learn to live the life that he gave me, take the hate and give back love to those that don't know God- blah, blah,  but I have never been alone, nor never been more loved and taken care of. I have made huge mistakes in my life, but I am forgiven. I miss my child every day and life is not perfect, but I have prayer. I know my life is going to be changed forever because of his death and the strained relationships may eventually become better or forever broken. I can't control how others grieve or what they think of me, but I can take the high road and be there for them when they need me and love them always.

Anne & Barbara, my heart breaks for you. I really pray that you both also have Jesus in your lives. I can't even imagine trying to get through this pain without him and I pray that you both have him too.

 

Comment by anne on July 29, 2013 at 1:21pm

Dear Barbara, I used to think my girls hated me too. First after my little boy died and than after my oldest son died. It's been a tough road to repair. We were doing a little better till my oldest son died. Than my father in law made the statement in front of my girls that if I was a better mother my sons would still be alive. That just made things worse between my daughters and I. I waited a long time for them to come to me to talk. Our relationship has never been the same, but as the healing started and the time passed it got better. To this day they won't talk about the boys. they don't want me to talk about the boys. My brother and sisters have no contact with me anymore. I talk to my mom still but not about the boys. It's hard, but the reality is that as long as I keep my mouth shut the time I spend with my girls is better than nothing. My heart goes out to you. Just know that they really don't hate you, they just don't know how to deal with the situation.

Comment by Maria on July 29, 2013 at 11:55am

I am so sorry for your loss. I can relate to your pain. My son died in June 2013 and I am a Christian, so most of my family doesn't talk to me either. My kids hate me...they're going through their anger stage. I have a part time job that pays poorly, little money, a broken down car...I do know how you feel. I believe that when it's time all things will work out. Until then, rely on those that are supporting you. This group for instance. And talk to God for comfort and strength. I do so much during the day- he is my biggest supporter. You can write to me anytime.