I will admit that the holidays make me really sad. I never had that big of a family to begin with and ever since my mother left my family seemed to get smaller and smaller.

I did manage to get through anothe semester with half my insanity.

My college years have not been the easiest, but I have met many people who were kind enough to listen to my story and help me during my tough times.

My mother was my only connection to human life. Now, my grandmother is. But I realized that I can not run from reality. The truth is that my grandmother is getting older. One day she will be gone too. And then I will have no connection to another human life.

The human connection is very important. Humans need companionship. We need other people. That is just how life is.

I realized that I am very mature. And in me being mature that when it comes to dating I need a man that can understand loss the way I do. He has to be as strong as me or stronger. He has to have stability in his life. I am normally always the strong one out of any friendship or relationship in general. But there are days when I am at a low point and those are the days when I need someone to be there.

I know that my mother would not approve of all the tears I have wasted over the guys that didn't want to stay in my life. For some reason I keep trying to hold on to people who truly don't have any interest in carrying about my life to begin with. They come and they go. But because I miss the connection I fight harder than I normally would.

I have chosen to stop fighting for those that do not care about my life. I generally use to believe that everyone was good. That they just met with awkward situations that made them do bad things. But now I am aware that there are some people who just love misery. And that I can not save anyone if they don't have a want to be saved.

My love is strong. My heart is big. And because it is big it takes longer to fix if it is broken. But, I take responsibility for my pain because I am the one that is "too nice" or "too understanding" even though there is no way that I can change that.