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Comment by Bonnie Jacobs on May 19, 2013 at 10:49pm

today was my Sara's memorial and I am torn up and very tired. I will post more at a later time. Thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me.

Comment by Bonnie Jacobs on May 11, 2013 at 10:10pm

Thank you Michael. It sounds like you know exactly how I feel. I am taking it one day at a time and some days are easier than others but none are really easy.  I prepared a few words that I am going to say at Sara's memorial and I just hope I can get through it.  I just wish that I could have done something to prevent it but I know in my heart that I did all I could. I ,too, have been thinking of how to be with Sara but it would destroy my son and my grandson, Sara's 7 year old son. I have to try to be strong even though I don't want to. Thank you for your kind words and for sharing.

Comment by Michael Morton on May 11, 2013 at 9:08pm

Bonnie, I want to say I know how you feel but we all handle greiving differently.  I lost my wife Mar 30th of this year.  She was 49 years old.  I have had a losing battle with depression since right after her passing.  I totally understand your statement that you were stronger while she was dying.  I felt the same way and I thought I was ready.  Boy was I wrong.  This has been terrible and it has only eased a little bit since the beginning.  But it has eased a little....and with every day there is hope.  I loved my wife dearly and I miss he more then words can describe.  During the first couple of weeks I felt so bad that I started thinking of ways to be with my wife...if you know what I am saying.  I have gotton over that.  I talk to my wife daily, I go to her resting place daily, and believe it or not....I text my wife every day just like I did when she was with me.  I feel sorry for whoever get's that number.  I am in so much pain that I don't know if I can say the right things to you but here goes nothing....there's hope.  Try to think positive.  She would want you to be happy.  Another problem I'm having is thinking that I could have done so much more for my wife...I think that way all the time.    I know how tough it has to be for you right now and I am SOOO sorry for your loss.  You hang in there!  It can only get better.

Comment by dream moon JO B on May 11, 2013 at 3:36pm

i dnt no whot i wud of dun if i had not fond ths web site bonnie  i thnk it gose  to a lot of peple on hear it fond it pelpe undrstand our pain grief lik th 1sit nevr lost any 1 thy dont undrstand th pain it carses us

2012 woz a vry bad yr but ths yer it seams to be worse coz of all th death of peple i no in my lif all good peple 2 

Comment by Bonnie Jacobs on May 10, 2013 at 5:27pm

Thank you for understanding.  I only have a few friends but they are supportive.  Hospice is coming out to do one on one grief counciling and I am sure that it will help greatly. I can't say enough good about the Hospice folks. It takes special people to do the things that they do.  This depression just came on last night but I think I have been buring it for a while.  I have to take it one day at a time just as we all do. Some days are harder than others but I am going to try hard and not give up. My Sara would be so angry if I through in the towel.  My son would crumble as he did with his sister's death.  I just can't do that to them.  I have hope for the help I get from you guys and Hospice.

Comment by dream moon JO B on May 10, 2013 at 3:38pm

im sory abot yore loss bonnie i undrstand depresion grief dose it to us my mum has had depresion sinse my dad died 

it mad it worse coz more deat folerd us a fw of my mums friends died as well in 2012we woz hopin for a grt sttart in 2013 but did not get it coz we lostss 6 peple in our livs 2 family mebers to th big c 2 frineds of the family to the big c 2 nboz 1 had alzimers but th othr 1 woz kild by a hit run drivr she nerver got cort 

thn ths weak we loze a nor goood frind of th famly wish is sad coz he took his own lifee 

sory abot the  speling bean bad 

Comment by trish on May 10, 2013 at 12:28pm

Bonnie,

There is no "right or wrong" when it comes to dealing with a loved one's passing. All I can suggest is too not be afraid to lean on others. Things like this are all consuming for some, and that's okay. It sounds like you are doing everything you can. While Sara was in a coma, I'm guessing that it felt like she was still with you.Please don't be hard on yourself, you've had a loss, and you need to figure out how to deal with, and accept what has happened. 

My heart and prayers go out to you.