Comment

Comment by Susan Z Z Wooten on October 13, 2011 at 9:12pm

p.s.  don't feel bad if you are not strong now......it's only been 2 months.....take your time sweetie.....time--takes time.....

my prayers and best wishes are with you xo

Comment by Susan Z Z Wooten on October 13, 2011 at 9:10pm

hey,

no we are definitely not alone.....and hugs and kisses to you hon......it will be hard for years.  the books tell you that for every 10 yrs you are together it will take just 1 yr to get better.  don't believe it.  I;m not trying to be negative, just sensitive and truthful.  It amounts to how much your heart was involved.  and some has to do with your faith, and some has to do with your resilisency.  also with how strong you are.

Resolve to be strong, and keep up with your life as forcefully as you know you can.......keep on keepin on...it does help.  And also, if you meet someone who can make you happy, DO NOT feel guilty.....remind yourself that he would want you to be happy above all pain.  And also, open your heart.  you obviously have a huge heart, so don't waste it.  But don't hurry.....pain takes it's time too.  Just don't sink into depression like I did. It took years of age from me in such a short amount of time (life-wise).  You HAVE to get up and live.  eventually. 

Don't rush it if you aren't ready, but realize that you still have to live.  that is a fact. 

Loss is crippling----and as soon as you realize that and don't let survival guilt eat at you, the better of you will be.

MY heart is aching for you, and I do promise that someday it will ease....until then, keep strong, and know you have people like me that will love you and help you.  

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo 

susan

Comment by Charlotte Fraise on October 11, 2011 at 12:58pm

I know what you mean about arrangements! It is so hard. And I too realize what I lost... my heart goes out to you because I know what pain you are having... and we will never be ok again... i hate it when people ask how i am, you feel like you have to say "ok" and inside you are crying, and outside. My guy also passed away almost 2 months ago.. will be 2months on the 20th of Oct. it is all just still so raw, the wound to my heart, as I know you are feeling that too. We used to argue, and now I wonder why, it was so meaningless... and i used to pick at him about little things like putting down the toilet seat... i wish I could take it all back now. I hope your day brings good memories of Tom... that is what I am trying to do, thinkn of those, but I still cry. We both had "one of a kind" men, and i think they kknow we loved them, and are watching over us... i hear that all the time... but it is hard anyway, constantly missing their physical presence. Well i gotta go for now, but you are NOT alone in this. Char

 

Comment by Susan Z Z Wooten on September 26, 2011 at 9:19pm

I have lost a husband of 10+ yrs to cancer.  I thought the pain would never ease....it is still there, but I promise you that it will ease some.  It will never be gone completely, but our "job" to our lost ones is (you know they want it) is for us to live.......to move forward.....never forget, but move forward. 

Pretend you passed, and he lived...wouldn't you want him to move forward?  I know this is still fresh for you--my lord, it has only been 2 months, take your time.  But don't think that every morning when you wake up life will continue to be so freaking painful...i know it sounds trite---but time helps.  Time does not Heal, no, it doesn't. But it does help with the ache. 

I met a man after 3 years.  I was so definitely not ready.  But he was so sweet, so patient.  And I had to realize that I might never have someone like him again.  I became engaged.  Some months later, he was diagnosed with mesothelioma.  He died also. 

My point is, there IS life after loss.  To tell you the truth, I am still not sure that it would have worked with my fiance.  Ben was sweet, and good.....but I was still hurt and alone.  But I tried.  I still miss my husband Kenny.  every day.  And now I miss Ben. 

Now a friend, Chris has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  We had dated 20 yrs ago for a short while, but instead realized we were better as friends.  We have been close for 20 yrs.  I am going to try to be there. 

Thank you for your help......and your encouraging words to me.

I hope I can help you, too.....

xoxox

Susan