I am sorry for what you are going through.  I am going through some of the same.  I read your blog today and your "Hawk" sounds like an amazing man.  He was the same age as my husband who died July 1st.  Tom was a great outdoorsman, animal lover too.  Your talk of the cats really struck a cord in me.  One of the few times that Tom completely broke down sobbing was one day after we got back from an appointment with more bad news, he walked into the quiet house and his three buddies greeted him at the door.  My dog, his dog and an almost 1 year old kitten that was so obviously his cat.  He picked up the cat and sobbed into its fur.  I knew he was thinking he would be leaving them soon and wondering how they would be without him.  It broke my heart to see that and that picture plays over and over in my head.  I think it was when we both faced the fact he was not going to be ok.  Now here I am crying again, not the first today.  Thank you for sharing your love with your words today.