Life CHANGES all the time according to our perception and choices and opportunities presented to us. Some changes are more abrupt and unwelcome than others. And some are more than welcome anytime. And we can´t wait for that change to happen. Fact is CHANGES are part of life, and acceptance makes a little easier every day. Coping with loss of course is time consuming and hard. And even when we come to accept, peers around us love to throw us right back where we were. By reminding how good it was, etc etc. I think there is a part of breaking the pattern with what was that we must measure exposure to triggers until things no longer affect us negativelly. When we are caregivers, moving on is somewhat quicker than those who seldom visited or chose not to deal when everything was happening. For who was at a closer range we have been there and there is no guilt or what ifs. For the rest, it´s always that memory on a distance the best connection they choose to have, thus they have more to process because they haven´t dealt with those feelings. And they try to live that loss through us. I´ve been there more than once as I always chose to do the best I can while people are alive and willing to have me for care and company. Thus when I move on there is nothing left to try WITHIN THE BEST I KNEW AT THE TIME. Of course I learned better and will continue to learn. And looking back, I probably would have done some things differently because I have now the EXPERIENCE in my memory files in the brain to access and use towards making better decisions regarding the same person and issue. But guilt is not an option for me. I never chose to be ruled by negative emotions, and I won´t allow simply because all times I do the very best I can. And I assume people out there do the same. And the best they could was very far from the closeness and responsability I took on. But nevertheless, they aren´t more or less valid than my reasons. It´s just that when they want me to do more, I honestly give them a mirror asking where they were to earn the right to judge? Instead bossing me around now, where was the backing up? And in my absence, they can go do it instead trying to make me an intermediary to excuse their absence. Since I left cargiving to my sister, I have been a watchdog for anyone trying to guilt me in any shape or form. Showing them where the guilt should belong, to those neglecting her needs. I am at peace with myself even if their minds can´t et around things in real time. It´s hard enough to catch up in so many things in my life, and you can bet they will help me in the same fashion they helped mother, close to ZERO action and LOTS of TALK. Everybody wants a piece. But that piece isn´t the whole. The whole me is still right here and I can count in my fingers in one hand who ever came to see me or my mother, when both were sick to the bone. And it wasn´t all good when they came with tons ideas for me to do. It´s so easy to boss around. But to do, nop, there is so little effort, and availability. I think many of the society superficial ways are most obvious in times of illness. There is a lot of make belief in the family that they give a damn. When their mouth match very little with their feet. They drag the feet and run the mouth like there is no tomorrow. But I am THEIR TOMORROW, the aftermath ACCOUNT for the distance between the mouth and feet there. Funny is that they think now I SHOULD CARE MORE. And I respond, EXCUSE ME, but NOT CARING IS THE FAMILY STANDARD here. So, there were too many bosses for just one person doing, thus now I am leaving for them to ACTUALLY DO IT. Because I can run my mouth just fine for a hundred years with my feet exactly where it is, living MY LIFE because I ACCUMULATED CREDIT on the other side of this equation. As much as 2 wrongs don´t make it right, so  many have wronged me, that it´s like 20 wrong to one right, and I will let them sort out their crap with each other on the TO DO side and say as is. IF THERE WERE MORE PEOPLE LIVING MY LIFE THAN HELPING MOTHER, THERE IS NO LONGER NEED FOR ME TO BE THERE, they can DO IT TOGETHER. When I was no one wanted anything there. Now they wanted so much that I let them have it all, accept ME. Because my vote was not NECESSARY when they all jumped in and out and made decisions one more stupid than the other over my head and about her care. To the point where was no longer HEALTHY for me to do what I really enjoyed to do, which was care for my mother. But they think they can do better makes me wonder what they need my opinion or presence for? I figured that one out, they need to boss around and for that they can boss themselves now and do better. I will become them, no do better...won´t ask, and won´t bother and that way give them more peace to do it than I was given. Sometimes in life there is not time and energy to give so much people the crap they DESERVE to hear, so I traded places and fe in God for the trade wasn´t what I wanted, but perhaps what I NEEDED before going insane with the buzzz around. Sight