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40 Days and White Doves
July used to be my most favorite month of the year. Me, my sister and best friend all have birthdays in July. I normally spent the whole month lounging beach side and having a great time enjoying warm, sunny days. This year that all changed. July turned into that dreadful month when I lost my dad. My warm summer spat in my face on July 6th. My dad had a stroke in May and slipped into a coma. In late June we were told that he would not likely be waking up and if he did, he would not comprehend anything more than a 6 month old child. My Mom decided that my father would not want to live this way and made the decision to remove him from life support. His body fought and hung on for 12 days before it finally could not fight any longer. I was so scared to go visit him during these 12 days. The two prior months each time I would go see him I was still hopeful that he would be coming back to me. I would play music for him and try to bribe him into waking up with talks of his favorite foods. Now that I knew he was laying there, physically dying, I could no longer handle the visits. I wanted so bad to just run in, wrap him in a blanket and swoop us off to some far away and safe place until a cure was found. I cried so much and was surprised that I could produce so many tears. I am the youngest of three children and he would always tell me things like “they do save the best for last” and “with a kid like Alin, I am the richest man on earth”. O gosh, how he was the best.
His funeral was about one week before my birthday. I remember that day was a blurr. I don’t remember who was at thefuneral. I don’t remember much but I do remember seeing a group of doves fly past us at the cemetary when the priest was saying prayers for my brother. Each time I would go back to visit, I would see the same group of doves. Sitting on a statue near by, seemingly watching over me. On the 40th day after his passing, I went to the cemetary to say good bye to my dad. Growing up I recall when a cousin of mine passed away, we had a ‘good bye party’ for him on the 40th day after he passed. This is a Armenian tradition. After my father passed I did some research on the significance of the 40 days and what the meaning was behind it. It turns out that during these 40 days we are to show our grief in both emotion and in our appearance. We are to only wear black, woman do not wear make-up and men do not shave. We are to remove all items including clothing from the home of our dearly departed. It is believed that when a person passes away, his or her spirit stays on earth with us for 40 days, spending time with loved ones and visiting all the people and places they loved during their life time. By showing our grief we let the spirit know that he or she has passed and it is time to move forward. We are to let go and say good bye. Anyways, The 40th arrived and I was not prepared. It seemed like a life time had passed but I still felt no where near ready to let go and say good bye. When I arrived that day, I noticed that only one of the Doves was there. He was sitting on the same Angel statue I would usually see the birds on. I cried my heart out and said good bye to my dad. I told him to move on and that I would take care of everything down here and to simply check in on us now and then. I looked up to see the rest of the Doves flying towards the Angel statue. They met with the single Dove and all departed together. It has now been about 5 months. I have not seen the Doves since that 40th day. I pray and like to believe that he is free of pain and enjoying his existence elsewhere.
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Comment by morgan on February 5, 2016 at 12:36am
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Very special the signs of the doves Alin. There has to be something much larger waiting for us don't you think?
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Comment by Alin Tooby on February 4, 2016 at 3:54pm
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Dear Felicia,
Wow! I am so sorry to hear of your mother’s passing… And the fact that it happened on your wedding anniversary, Just another sign that this universe has one cruel sense of humor. Either way I am happy that you and your husband still find a day to celebrate your anniversary. My dad had found a quote he likes a lot once and written it down and given it to my sister to share with all of us if something ever happened; it basically asked that we don’t cry and be sad that he is gone, for he is not gone. To celebrate our life and the happy times for he will be there with us and having a good a time as we are. I am confident that your mother still smiles when she sees you and your husband being happy together.
Blessing and comfort to you, Felicia.
Love,
Alin
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Dear Rhiannon,
Thank you for your comment. I am happy you enjoyed my post. I am sorry to hear of your loss and the troubles you are encountering. I wish I had some helpful advice to give you on how to help answer these questions that no one has the answers too. I do know that Kids are quite smart and they seem to understand a great deal. Perhaps you should try being honest with them and explain that you do not know why their dear daddy was taken away so soon. You can however tell them that you are certain that both you and their father loved them to the moon and back. Maybe it would help to watch a cartoon with them like the Lion King. Young Simba loses his father at a unfair age. Maybe you can help relate their situation to Simbas. Let them know that like simba if they try to move forward and know that they have a very special Angel now watching out for them always, they do will strive and grow to make Momma and Poppa proud. I hope my suggestions are not out of place. I don’t have any children yet but I did lose my cousin when I was 6 and he was 8. I recall how confusing it was to have him taken away. Seeing scenarios of others who could relate that had grown and found a way to move forward seemed to help give me hope.
I hope this helps and that the Lord continues to watch over you and your family and provide comfort when you need it.
Blessings to you, Rhiannon.
Love,
Alin
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What a beautiful story about the doves and what wonderful signs from your father. My 5 and 8 year old went to my husbands grave over the weekend and my 5 year old had many questions I was unable to answer. She is so confused, but one question remains that I just didn't know how to answer and that's "Mummy? How come daddy was taken away from us so soon?"
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Comment by Felicia on February 2, 2016 at 11:21pm
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I am so, so sorry for your loss, Alin. I hate that it happened in your favorite month of the year. Death has a way of doing that! My beloved Mom died the tenth of April, and we had her funeral on me and my husband's wedding anniversary. "Happy Anniversary, darling!-- yeah, right! I told my husband from that day on, I want us to choose another day to observe our anniversary. So we do. We were so grief stricken at the time we just didn't realize we scheduled her funeral on our anniversary. Peace and comfort to you, sweet girl...
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