Just stopped in to say hello , mainly because as much as this is the place i wanted to be when i first found it and still want to be in the future i guess right now the grieve the despair im experiance in the last month especially having to have July 12 the day amber would have been 19 and then three days later six months of her being gone was ,is , has been to much for me i log in and read one two sentences i so badly want to help say im sorry for your loss , i know how you feel something i…

I have been crying all friggin day today.  Today should have been my husbands birthday.  I should have been making a special dinner and his favorite Strawberry Shortcake Torte.  Instead I sit outside watching the lightning storms that he loved so much and cry.  But it is more than that.

July 18th my sister died on the other side of Canada from me.  She was 98 years old and I have not seen her in a few years now.  If Tom was here maybe we would have been enjoying our retirement, maybe…

When mom died, i really felt like a piece of me died with her .She was only 61 years old. So young to die. 

She had such a traumatic life. She had rheumatic fever when she was just 4 years old.  She almost died. Her mother , my grandmother was so sick. She had ovarian cancer and another type of cancer in her body and…

It is Monday morning and I am at work in my cubicle. Crying and can't stop. Finally, my sister has started crying after about 8 months from losing mom. It made me start crying because she is the one person left on this earth that I love unconditionally. It is all so sad. This life is so depressing. WHy in the world are we here? To go through grief that makes us so depressed that we can't function?  Life is just so sad and depressing, I can't think of anything good about it. I am not sucidal…

When I lost my job on Friday afternoon I felt really low for a lot of reasons, but the worst of it was that I was worried that I would have to break a promise to my 7 year old daughter. Literally the day before I had brought her to her first ever Jazz class. It was a free trial class to determine if she would enjoy taking lessons and what class to put her in. She was amazing she really put an effort in and it was the firs time, probably ever, that I had seen her participate…

It has been a month and one day since my moms death.I am still trying to deal with the loss.Mom lived with me for 5 years.She had high blood pressure,diabetes,dementia and arthiritis and other ailments.It is so lonely in this house without her.She was so sick before she died.She stopped eating as much,she also started to get more moody and aggressive.She was in and out of the hospital.I am so happy that she was with me but i have this picture of her in my mind when she got to the point where…

When you come to the edge of all the light you have known and are about to step out into the darkness FAITH is knowing two things will happen, There will be something to stand on or you will be taught how to fly

 i feel so depressed in about 2 weeks and 2 days i will be having my second child and my mom wont be with me. my mom was there for the birth of my first  and i was so happy to have her there. now its just gonna be me and my husband there and half the time we are arguing. im so ready to have this baby but not looking forward to not having my mom there. im naming my baby after the two most important women in my life my grandmother and mom that both passed away. its so hard not having anyone to…

well, 

Lost my job today.  Don't really know what else to say. Maybe 6 months was too early to go back. Maybe I wasn't ready. I got to many disciplinary points for a person on new hire probation. I  worked there for 2 months and 10 days, the shortest job I have ever had. I am depressed about losing my job, I feel like I was doing well, like I was a good employee.. but maybe I am not a good anything. 

I was allowed 8 points.. I got 5 for missing a shift because my…

why do they keep on sending my dad post today he got post for to buy sky tv he bort free sky a few yrs ago i woz with him wen he bort it or they send him life insurense or eye test do these people not check the f@@@@@@G computer or do thy like upseting people  

HI EVERYONE,  I MY ENTIRE LIFE I HAVE NEVER HAD DEPRESSION OR GRIEF THIS SEVERE. I TRULY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO.   IN OCTOBER IT WILL BE 3 YEARS SINCE MY WIFE PASSED AWAY.   I BEEN ALONE EVER SINCE.   MY CHILDREN LIVE IN OTHER STATES AND EVEN THOUGH I CALL AND LEAVE MESSAGES THEY DO NOT CALL BACK. THE LONLINESS IS KILLING ME.   I AM A COMBAT VETERAN IN HIS 80'S WHO SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION MOST OF HIS LIFE AND NOW HAS…

its 457am in austin tx. I have been up since 3am .Mainly because I was up yesterday late and crashed late in the day which messed up my plans of getting my sleep cycles in order.To make matters worse I have some overtime I didn,t want but have to go to(umm nows the time to schedule all my appointments on my day off which is today)…

Iam on night shift two nights out of the week,its the two worst shifts of the week.Mainly because your whole sleeping cycle is disrupted.I end up taking meletonin.I have shots of vodka becasue I hate just laying in bed waiting to fall aleep

So did I make an appointment with the Psychotherapist Nooo! Shesss .Nor the dermatologist.I don,t know whats wrong with me(other than a upset stomach )meltonin and booze mixed together.Well I have to do over time for two hours plenty of time to…

Here I am, another sleepless night.  I never sleep long anymore, just cat naps here and there. There is just so much going on in my head, and my dreams have all turned t nightmares,  they are not always bad nightmares, but even my sweeter dreams are torture because in my sweetest dreams I am with my beautiful girl.  The dreams always end, and I wake up with out her. I don't know what to do. I feel so ungrateful, so dissatisfied, so .. ripped off.  They are unfamiliar feelings…

I find Iam not as strong as I think Iam. Far from it ,eveything that has happend has overwelmed me and I had better admit it.Rome wasn,t built in a day. I kid myself when I just suck up the fact that my wife died and just keep on going. Nooo! far from it I had better slow down encompass the grief as it were. Iam not going to wake up and jump…

Well Iam not managing I did force myself to go to the gym,they show a movies in one of the excersize rooms so I do alot of time on the exersize machine watching the movies . I keep thinking of a social life.Gosh! did you ever see so many grief sites on the internet.Iam still at odds with the hosp over my wifes treatment.Of course yes! Iam sure there was a professional medical thing going there. Who knows…

Color Run... I wish Christian was here to enjoy with me.