I've read that writing can help, so......

It will be 3 months on Saturday, although I guess She really left us 2 days earlier.  I don't really think she was here for those 2 days she was kept breathing on the ventilator.  We had just bought our first house, and we were in the middle of moving in.  She got to spend exactly one night here.  It was Halloween, and I was handing out candy to the neighborhood kids.  Sue was a service provider for the County mental health service.  If you or…

i got lost in 2012 after my dad coz to may peopel i new died the last death woz my surgate uncle last yr and this yr 2013 iv new 6 people who died in 2013 ths month the last 1 woz my cuzens husband  a goood man like my dad 2 freinds of my mum and dads 2 nbors 1 to alzimers and 1 to 2 hit and run drivers and a cuzen who i only sea at partys abd im still lost in grief its like a fog i cant get out of…

My sister and I were friends on Facebook.

We didn't get to see each other often because of our schedules. I work full-time Monday-Friday, she worked mostly weekends waiting tables. When she worked close to where I live, we saw her every Sunday morning. I would leave her little messages on her Facebook page and send her pictures of the boys. 

At the time those little things were exchanged I never thought I would cherish the virtual words we shared as much as I do right…

At church the sermon was about marriage, and how when we commit to someone, we do it for better or worse, sicker or poorer. The new pastor's dad died 10/31/2012 of brain cancer and he talked about how his mom cared for his dad as his dad lay dying. It was painful to hear-I wish I had a box of tissues, but it did remind me that that's the kind of love I want to give and receive. Love is an action, not a feeling, and I think about the day my dad died, he had uncontrollable diarhea and my mom…

Hard to believe it's already been a month. He was the sweetest thing... always happy to see me and spend time with me. One of the things I miss the most is sharing popcorn with him while we watched movies.

He was only 8 years old. There was  so much life left in him, I hate that this has happened. I'm constantly having panic attacks and I feel like my life is completely over. I'm angry that the world keeps on moving without him in it.

I've been forcing myself to…

Yuck, I just feel yucky so much of the time. Every emotion is so intense, the littlest things set my off. I feel like a raw nerve, exposed in the world. I am still in utter disbelief that my dad died. It just doesn't seem possible. Even though we always had a rocky relationship , I did love and admire my father very much. I guess I thought I would have time to make the relationship right. When he was first diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (what kind? they don't even know!!!) I thought I had…

Hi  My son died almost 4 years ago at the age of 20.  Some days I feel like its not such a big deal and others I am overcome with sadness and I feel I want to die along with him.  The sad reality is that its something I will have to live with forever.  The sadness doesnt go away and I miss him everyday.  I spent lots of time helping my other children to grieve and i dont think I did it myself!  I have a hard time going to weddings even today because he was engaged to be married and when…

I'm a big dreamer. I dream of many things.

Just reading a book will effect my dreams. I read The Hunger Games trilogy early last year and almost every night I dreamt that I was actually in the arena of the games.

I have had dreams of my sister since she has passed. Some of them are good - about us growing up, of her being older than her 23 years with children of her own. Some of them are bad - the things her killer did to her, the pain she went through and I have even dreamt…

I never thought I believed in ghosts or spirits.  but now I am a believer.  I have had some things happen in my home that I believe to be my dear Christian telling me he is with me.  Has anyone experienced things that you believe to be from your loved one?

Here is what I experienced...  One night my daughter was  home alone and she was watching tv.  She said the channel changed to the cartoon Family Guy and she was not touching the remote control. She said mom wasn't "Family guy" a…

The love of my life has been gone from this earth almost 9 months ago.  I can't believe it. And to think that if I live to a ripe old age I will be without him many more years until we are reunited in the next lifetime/heaven. It sounds so unbearable. This is been like a crazy roller coaster ride.  Some days are more bearable than others.  But the past four days for some reason has been soooo hard.  I cry and cry and cry.  I have pretty much been home in bed.  I only go out if I really need…

My sister, Becky, loved snow.

When she was younger her favorite thing to do in the winter months was to play in the snow. Build an igloo, have a snowball fight, sled down a hill with me and my youngest sister, build the biggest snowman on the block and make beautiful snow angels in the front yard.

As she got older, her favorite thing to do in the winter months was to play with her nephew in the snow and watch the wonderment in his eyes. The same wonderment that she…

Today I woke up angry.

I think I hate these days the most, right now anyway. I think that anger is a useless and dangerous emotion that can completely eat you alive if you allow it. As strongly as I feel this is true, I can't not stop my anger from coming.

I'm angry that my sister was murdered. I'm angry that her killer was someone that she thought loved her.  I'm angry that she suffered so much in her final moments. I'm angry that she didn't leave him when she had the…

I've never written a blog post before but I have heard that it can be very therapeutic. I've recently suffered a great loss and I feel deep down that letting some of what I feel out into the open will be helpful on my journey through grief. So, here we go..

I've been touched by death before. The death of a loved one who had been ill, the death of a loved one who lived to be 92 years old and even the death of a close friend who accidentally overdosed. Never had I ever thought…

I can see where Iam going to go absolutly nuts unless I do something with my life.Unfortuntly my worthless therapist just sits there and listens to me talk about something or anything. I have yet been really suicidal I think we all think about (or some of us do ). Anyway I suggested I hike down a popular trail near where I workd and he said "yea that would be a good idea" I would think he would help introduce me to a therapy group. So Iam put in the position where I have to get enough…

I feel so lost since i lost my son. I think of him every minute of every day. my grief is so strong. it is hard to be at home or work. I miss him so very much he was my first born, the first true love of my life. I can not even begin to fathom life without him in it. To watch him grow older, to be there for his daughter and wife to see them grow old together, and watch his daughter grow up. He would have been 28 years old on the 13th. We went and had dinner at one of his favorite restaurants…

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in] by E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always…

I feel like I became parylized when he died and I'm starting to have to feel again and I don't want to because it hurts too bad. I know I need to grieve but I just can't take it. I've been having to go through pictures all day for the memorial, I don't want to look back. I miss him too much. I've stayed in bed for four months now. I'm making myself plan a memorial/life celebration for him, he deserves that and I know I need to try to tell him goodbye. What I've done isn't mentally healthy.…

GABRIEL