It's been quite awhile since I posted anything or even came to this site. I guess it reminded me too much of my father and the grief and sadness here was too much to bear. I've been keeping busy with home stuff, even tho I still think about my dad every day. I have quite a few pictures of him up in my bedroom, along with things he bought me for my birthday, etc. Every once in awhile strange things will happen in my bedroom...the light will flicker continusly or the tv will go off, my whole…

So it has been over a year since my dad passed away, and it is coming up on the year mark for my mom. To this day it has been horrible. I feel nothing has changed for me regarding the pain I feel and my daily crying spells. People look at me as if I am going crazy and I feel like I am alone. For some reason I just cant "deal" with the loss of my parents. I am looking for anything and everything to help me through this. I even went to see a medium but it was a pleasant experience but I was…

Before my sister's death I thought I believed in God.

Right after her death I was very angry with God. Angry that he allowed that to happen, angry that he didn't help her hold on a little longer for help, angry that he took her. Then I realized that she died because of her boyfriends free will and I know God has no control over free will. And I realized that after what her boyfriend did, if she had survived those stab wounds and lived, she would have had to live with the knowledge and…

i got to finely talk to someone here really a couple of ppl made me believe there are ears out there that listen. 

Ah my dear boy I love you so very very much, I am still here and that seems so very wrong. I miss you horribly and everyday is challenge for me. I am doing the best I can since you have left your little son as well, so just know that I am doing everything in my power for him to be safe and secured and most importantly loved. Your birthday is coming up on March 11th, and I do not look forward to that day without you here. You should of been turning 27, just really starting out your life. Love…

When my mom passed 3 months ago, it felt like my world ended. I always thought we were so lucky to be such a close family, but since my mom passed, I feel so distant from everyone and everything, wanting nothing to do with my dad or brother anymore. My parent's would have been married 33 years this June, and my mom passed in November 2012, the weekend before Thanksgiving. The last time I spoke to my dad was almost a month ago. I'm not sure if it's because he had already joined Match.com a…

That my Mom has been gone for 1 year, and 23 days. I never imagined that I would lose my Mom at such a young age..well even though I'm 23, I consider that young because I don't feel my age at all! I feel like a little girl without my Mom. Of course I've always felt young since I didn't have much of a childhood and my innocence was taken away from me, but since she has been gone, it has gotten worse! During the day, I seem to do ok, since I'm around Step-Dad's family, but during the night,…

When I came home from work yesterday, I got into an awful mood. I started crying and thinking that I don't want to go on and that I'd like to follow my mom and go away with her.

I couldn't stop these thoughts and it was torture. Now I think I haven't got to the point where I'm suicidal, I don't really want to die, so why do I get like that?

Has anyone gone through the same thing?

Mom wouldn't want me to feel like this. She was always a fighter and kept going no matter…

I am new to the group as of today 2/20/13. I hope it is a wonderful experience. My main focus is to deal with the loss of my family especially my mother who passed away on 2/14/2010, on Valentines Day.

Not terribly far from where I live a pregnant 33 year old woman was stabbed to death by a long time ago ex boyfriend. Her young daughter and step-daughter were in the apartment with her when this happened.

I did not know this woman or her family but when I saw this on the news my heart broke. I thought to myself, "What the hell is going on in the world? Where are all of these crazy people coming from that think it's ok to hurt others?!"

I was angry, I was sad, I…

Mom, I never realized how much I counted on you to be happy. Ever since I was born, we were apart just a few times. I don't know another life apart from the one we shared.

 I'm not suicidal, or in deep depression, you don't have to worry. But these days the only barely meaningful thing I've done is going to work. Guess it helps me because otherwise I'd have to be all day at home. Seems like I live because I breathe and I eat and I sleep, that's what life means these days.

 Mom,…

Daniel...

I still don't sleep. I stare at the darkened ceiling, sight blurred by tears. 

I am considering water-proof pillow case's. I had to buy new pillows again on Friday. 

I went twice on Valentine's Day to see…

is it just me or dose any 1 else find thm selfs doing silly thngs in grief buy ther loved 1s thngs or still hoping its a big mistake and thy r going to come thr u the door saying its all bean a big mistake im still hearor u went to sea the wong body it woz my luck alike u saw i no iv bean told wen u breav u will find yore self doing silly thngs 

I found this poem online but its a poem I can really relate too.

When I laid there beside you,

Could you feel me there?

My arms were wrapped around you,

And I was stroking your hair.



I was talking about all the good times,

For me they were every single day.

I wanted you to feel love and comfort,

And happy in some way.



I watched…

Friends of ours set out on a three month missionary trip to Costa Rica leaving February 7th 2013. Received a call late February 10th that Tom had passed away that day of a heart attack. His wife, Linda, will be home with him soon. Two of his children flew to Costa Rica to be with their mother.

There are no words to express my sadness. It is Normal to Feel This Way because God did not create man to die or get sick. Thankfully we are comforted by the hope Jesus mentions at (John 5:28,…

If there is anything good that I can take away from tragedy, it's that I need to try harder to maintain the relationships I have with the people I love.

That being said, I'm having a hard time being around my mother. I'm not angry with her but I feel uncomfortable around her right now. I know she is going through really intense pain and having a really hard time with my sister's death. My heart breaks for her and I wish I could make it all go away. I know I don't see or talk to my mom…

There is just so much grief - caused by many events in our lives - unfortunately death may well be the worst but many other happenings rank right up there. This is 15 yr old Brandon Parra. He is not my blood grandson but he calls me grandma and it sure feels like he is mine. He has been in the hospital off and on, every few weeks for over a year - this stretch has been 4…

Well Good day! After reading my last post I must say, Shame on me! How pitiful the last post sounds. Now that's self pity! Sometimes i'm pretty good at it! Reading the last post is the reason why i'm grateful for this blog. When I write I realease the yucky bad stuff that enters my heart and my mind. There is no book to tell me how to deal with all of this, so I just have to do the best I can with what I learn from day to day. I dont like to read my pity posts, but I do because it's good for…