Ive been thinkuing , there is , actually are many dreams and plans dan and I had, other day I started thinking about one of them, actually Ive been thinking about doing it for years..off and on, never has seemed to be the  right time.. still isnt but Im hoping in a couple yrs to be healed enough..I want to adopt an older child. a girl, a teen ager.. alot to workout and learn and think about but...please pray or think good thoughts....for me on this...Im doing alot of reasearch.

I am no longer scared to die. Why would I be? My 15 year old sister walked the veil into the other world in a day, bravely. I can do it too. And I will. Death is a part of life. You can't escape it. We are all dieing. It's not depressing. It's not 'taboo'. It's the cycle of life. 

I believe what someone believes they will see/experience when they die is what happens to them. No one is right and none are wrong. If you believe you will live eternity in the clouds partying with your…

all i no death sucs it duze 

i wishet thr woz no death thn we wud be all happpy again

This week I will officially be out of the teen years and turn 20 years old and I have to say a revelation came upon me and I can’t believe I have actually made it to 20. There has been many times where I’ve wanted to just give up and not continue because life has not been so easy for me to say the least. The of the main things that consume me the deaths of my parents to not have them here for me is just tremendously hard. I think about them every day and wonder if they would be proud of…

Even though it's been a few years now, I still feel the ache of losing my mother, especially around her birthday every August. This year, as a gift to myself, I decided to contact a psychic channeler to see if I could connect with her. This channeler was amazing and knew all about my mom, even bringing up a horse my mother had owned as a young girl! It brought me so much peace to know my mom was okay, and I plan to make this an annual event. If anyone else is open to connecting with their…

Good afternoon to all of you.  I just wanted to say i pray I  haven't said anything that has step on anyone toes.  I'm new to your group and it is in no way I'm trying to offended anyone at all.  So if i have plesae let me know so I won't do it again  Thank you Judy Edwards  

At the end of the month it will be a year since you past. I am stronger and yet often I find myself on the edge of a cliff. There are still loose ends to tie up with the financial end of things. It's a shame so much energy has gone to that part of your life/death when all I wanted to do was grieve. I told you that would be that way - you made it so there wasn't anytime to grieve. I was and in many ways still in survival mode. You didn't want to have a will - you didn't want to make decisions…

Today, I took part in the chat room feature on this site. It was really nice to talk with people casually about our moms. We discussed how we were feeling today, and shared memories and ideas with each other. I think this site will definitely be a difference maker in my life.

I am so sad and depressed totally, cant hardly move.. dan birthday is coming soon. on he 18th.. Im having a getogether with close friend..plan to cry all day.. dreading the next few months.. so angry mostly at God...I know Ddan'saroundbut ..I just.. its so hard..

To the people whom have posted either blogs are message's to me, I am so grateful for your story's of your losses you put me in my place.  I found out how lucky We were to be there when Matthew passed I'm so new to your wonderful site I don't know where I am are were I'm supposed to be when I post. However I needed to read the post it set back to a place I needed to be y'all but my feet back on the ground

.Now what happen since I posted last that got me stirred up is my son fiancee,…

I joined this online community to see what other people are writing. While it does help to write something and have people respond and say encouraging things back to me, or even just reading other people's posts, I have a hard time writing anything back. I want to give people all of those same encouraging words, but I can't. I can't even get my own life together. I've gained a decent amount of weight. I have zero motivation to eat healthy or work out. And I've gotten angry. It's been 9…

I can't understand why I keep having to learn that lesson over, and over! I'm off work today. Yep that's right I started my new job at the daycare center. I must say I do enjoy the little ones so much. At first I was a bit sad because the memories of the boys became so vivid in my mind, but somehow the sadness turned into joy. Joy because I did have the time I had with both boys. While I changed a dirty diaper, and played peek a boo with a wee one I was reminded that besides their death it…

Today for the life of me I couldn't remember what we did to my son, so I called my partner, and ask him.  [Here a secret we found out when we had my son cremated, if you have a love one cremated at a Black Funeral Home the price is 795.00. after calling around 10 Funeral homes we got ahold of a black Funeral Home.  The men came right out and told us that the difference between White and Black funeral home, the other funeral homes we called that night wanted 2500.00 to 3000.00 dollars to…

My head's been aching for two weeks straight now. And it's not your typical kind of headache, either. It's brought on by emotion, which feels so strange. I'm at this point where it's like... Should I not think about what it is thats bringing me pain? Or should I find a way to address the fact that my emotions are affecting me physically, now? It's hard to be like, "DON'T THINK ABOUT HIM...", especially when that thought process actually kickstarts head pain. It's like saying don't picture…

It seems my mom is always in my dreams or the ones I remember anyway. It's better because I don't wake up crying now. It's the same kind of dreams I would have when she was alive. From what I have heard it usually takes a long time for your loved one to come to you in dreams so I try to be thankful for it. It still hurts when I wake up and she's gone but at least I have that.

It's been a very long time since I've posted anything on my page, and I can't tell you why I'm moved to write this morning.

In June of 2012, after "dabbling" with online dating services, I returned to eHarmony as I found it to be the safest and provided more compatible matches than any other.

On July 20th, 2012, I checked my "what if" matches, women who were not 100% compatible, but the differences were minor enough, "what if" you contacted them and things worked…

I have been having a pretty tough time recently, as my older posts show. So I have had to do some serious soul searching, and I did not like what I saw. I saw a child throwing a temper tantrum because things didn't go her way. I saw a mother with a very broken heart, and I saw a middle aged woman doing nothing, to help herself. Worst of all I saw a angry, sad, and lost human being. I wanted every one else to fix it, or to help fix it. I couldn't muster up the strength or courage to do…

we haven't really been a "family" 36 years!!!!

in the early 80's we all started to move away in the small town that our grandmother raised us in. we had an extended family. grandma was a  retired  educated widow by the time she raised us. mom was a n educated working young divorcee not receiving any child support for my…