everyday is the same, same pain, same tears, same emptiness, same heart break, how can I go on without you, how does everyone else go on knowing you went away. I ask you every night why you left me, but you never answer me. I sit and watch the butterflys  sitting on your beautiful butterfly bush. and I cry.  I ask you to tell me what you want me to do, again no answer,theres no such thing as a good day any more. everyday is to  filled with pain. filled with tears, sleepless nights, needing…

yesterday we had a lot of company, it was kinda nice, till one asked, hows shawn. I heart fell. I went into the house and cryed. I guess these days will come but I just cant deal with it. one of shawns friends next door got married last night,  it really was a hard night for me and cryed myself to sleep. god it hurts, I miss him so much, I just want to be with him, im so ready to go please.

I baked  mini peach pies the other day, today I baked dark fudge chocolate cup cakes with butter cream iceing. my husband ken said  wow nice  who are you baking all that for, with out even thinking I said, for shawn, he will love this. when I realized what I had said my heart dropped. shawn loves my baking,  dear god I miss my baby so much, I love him  more then life.  trying so hard to keep busy but its not working, every thing I do and did  is for shawn,  I felt shawn touch my arm today, I…

 Thanks for that bluebird .Those sentimental movies always seem to get to me, they sneak up on me every time lol. I guess I just never allowed myself a chance to stop and realize that. And I do apologize for not visiting as frequently as I would like to. I walk around 'trying' to think positive and yet my wife may think I'm having too much fun without her. But just for your information i, and everyone here, I really do read & pay attention to emails from others here. And I may be "one of…

today my husband went to help a friend at 3 this morning, being all alone hurts. I cryed all morning, then I went to see my son, talking to him and crying my heart out I feel hes there hearing what im saying. I water his floers and wipe off his stone, like I do everyday. how can my heart keep breaking, I know theres nothing left. I see people that look like him and it takes everything I have not to run and hug them, instead I just cry. the phone never rings any more, friends never come over,…

I think I just blew a fuse. I generally do my best to be positive, but today I read a post that said that God picks and chooses who lives and who dies.

specifically it said that God chooses children to die so that he has younger angels in heaven. That's such crap. I'm so upset I can barely type. Why would a person post poetry like that? How can writings such as that be of any comfort? Obviously the person who wrote that poem knows nothing of which they write. I understand the need to…

I'm only 2 months into my greif.  And I don't see how it's supposse to get better.  I hurt all the time.  I'm still in the denial stage.  I truly don't feel as though my daughter is really gone.  She was my only child.  She was killed in an auto accident.  She was the only beauty in my life.  I was so proud of her.  She graduate college with a bachelors degree in education.  She was all I had; I'm not married and my "little family" is no more.  I will never hear the patter of little feet…

I pray  my heart beat would stop. then I could take my sons hand and go with him, to hold him and never let him go. to see my mom again after 33 years, I would hold them so tight . I could smile and laugh once more, if I could just be happy again. I feel it will never happen. please shawn answer my questions, hear my crys.  I need you shawn, I want so bad for you to come to my dreams, I have not had a dream since you went away, soon it will be 10 months,  we have never been apart that long…

 I think of my mother everyday and wonder why god took her and not some evil person. She was not just my mother but she was my best friend.now my life seems empty and without meaning.they say in time it will get better but I dont think so. My heart is broken and no one can mend it.

I forget what its like to feel anymore. I have no energy to do any thing out side the house. I keep asking to go with shawn, there nothing here, my life is over . I want so bad to hear the word  MOM  I need to hear it, how can I go on and never hear it again. I don't know in my heart if he hears me everyday, crying , telling him I love him, I need him, I cant go on with out him. please let me hear his voice again, I cant do this, the pain is so over whelming, unbearable, I want to hug him,…

I am caught up and ready to accept new submissions. If you have a story of loss; especially recovery after that loss, whether it's a pet, a relationship or a loved one. I ask that you have the courage to share it so that others can find comfort and healing in knowing they are not alone. Please send submissions to dreama.nana2@gmail.com subject line "book submission". Your story will be published along with others and Hearts United... we will gather our strength.

I received a very well meaning e-mail about coping with grief.  In part in read:

“If you find there’s an emotional connection to some loss,” says Dr. Wright, “then maybe you have not really processed it. Maybe it’s still affecting your life in some way.”

Dr. Wright suggests that you need to come to the point at which you can say of each loss, “Yes, that happened to me, but now I’m going on with my life,” compared to “Boy, that happened to me, and it still…

we dont nead spam on hear it is a grief site it is 

not 2 spam us 

I never thought I'd ever feel so empty in my life yet even when doing something so out-of-character . I sometimes even try gorging myself full of junk food late at night and watching horror movies, when I'm not even hungry nor even interested in the movie I still can't fill that void. It's like whatever I do isn't going to change the world so why should I bother, this is just my inner feelings so don't worry-I still respect others-just to let everyone know my wife would still find a way to…

I need to discipline myself from watching certain movies , like the movie "What dreams may come" with Robin Williams , which reminds me how I'm either expecting my wife to come around the corner or it reminds me to stay away from female & couples. I do this not out of being mean but to keep from getting burned again, although when I lost my wife it was well known that it wasn't her fault-she expired from is well known as the 'drinking disease'. And I know I am…

Just can't let go . After 16 years of my wife's death i still can't let go, is that crazy or what ? My wife, even though she may have been in pain, she would still persevere just to make a baby laugh or giggle . She never would allow herself to utter one negative word against someone else. Every time I allow myself to 'let go' and relax , maybe have a little fun , I find myself stopping and remembering the fun and all the good times we used to have together. I just can't allow myself to…

Today I washed and groomed myself.

I took my medication and am having breakfast.

I was touched that people responded to my post on this forum.

I helps me so much to know that someone is out there who may understand what I am going through.

I have no support or friends at the moment and am stuck in a lonely country town .I have…

Last night was not a very good night..It hit me all of sudden again..