Today wasn't a good day, so many memories. I can't even listen to my I pod. Songs are a big trigger. Trying to just get through, one day at a time.

You Never Said Goodbye

by Unknown

You never said I'm leaving

You…

I lost my Mum on 8th Nov 2015, she was my 3 in 1, my Mum, My Best Friend and the child I wouldnever have. I'm 43 and I in away gave up my life to look after my Mum (and Dad).  My Mum had MS from a very early I was to help with washing, ironing and making the tea.  So it was the life I knew. I always said I would be worth a watching when anything happened to either of my folks.  In 2013, we were called for ironically on the 8th November Mum had taken a really bad pnemonia attack and they…

the emptiness is taking over, a few weeks ago I tried to take my own life to be with my son, I wished it had worked. I need to hold him, see his face again. to go on without him, no I cant any more.  theres nothing left without shawn,  this loneliness is unbearable,  no one can help me any more, I just need to be with him, that's all I want. forgive me shawn, ill be with you soon, I promise,  love always and forever   mom

Hi,

My name is Lisa and I am trying online support for the first time. I have been considering it for a few weeks. I think I would prefer it to going to see a therapist.

I continue to wrestle and fight with is this concept of logic. I have been saying I can understand these things happen but tell that logic of "these things happen" to my heart as it can't understand. I see now I am fighting logic against logic. It is logical in this day and age to live out a life. It is logical to think that you meet someone who finally fits and you should be able to have the many years deserved, especially at mine and Gary's age. It's logical you should get sick, have some…

I really don't think I can do this much longer, I can literally feel my heart aching, i feel like i can't breathe, I never knew you could ever miss anyone so much, its killing me, I knew it would be bad but after 7 months I guess I stupidly thought maybe I wouldn't feel like im dying inside so much, I was so wrong, I don't know if I'm just having an extremely bad week but he's in my head 24 hours a day don't get me wrong, I want him there but I can't take it (well actually thats a lie , I…

I miss you so freaking much some days. Most days you are with me and in my mind everywhere I go, so many questions I ask as I look to the sky, and look at pictures of you, so many unanswered question, so much love and so much brokenness, so many many tears. …

I've just so had enough , the kids are in bed and it's just another night just sitting here, I have no intrest in the t.v, in fact I have no intrest in anything at all. I miss my conversations with my Andy, he always made me laugh he had a quirky sense of humour which I adored. When he died everyone said there will never be anyone like him, and there won't be. I work in the day so I'm kept quite busy , but these nights sat alone are killing me, the days just seem to roll in to one, I can…

That moment when you realize you are all alone. You have nothing and no one. No support or a shoulder to lean on. No chest to burry your face in when your eyes swell up from despair.  Only self-absorbed sadists.   I miss my family. I miss my dogs. I miss who I used to be. I have never felt so alone and sad in my life.  I wonder what kind of asshole I must have been in my past life to deserve this. 

I really don't know where this road of hell is leading to. Yesterday was 11 months. I'm still in a funk from last Friday. I don't know that I'm getting any answers. My heart still doesn't understand why he had to go. I still don't understand how to fucking do this. I'm so damn tired of saying it and living this heartbreak. But my words don't change a damn thing. I feel like I'm in the broken nuthouse. I'm on the roller coaster that has stalled in hell. I don't want to do this anymore. This…

Back here again in the same place I was 6 months ago with my dad. This time its my sweet momma. I knew I jinxed her when I called her indestructible. She lays there now. Stuck in a private prison inside her mind and body. Unable to speak and unable to comfort her visitors.  Momma I am so sorry if I jinxed you.  I am sorry I cannot help you or fix you. I am sorry you’ve had to go these last few months without Pop. I am sorry they moved you so far away from us but I promise we will bring you…

all I do is cry, I keep telling my self  my son will come home, I miss him so much the love of my life. theres no way to go on, to live with out him, I feel so empty, broken and so weak.  my prayers are not heard, not answered,  no one hears my pain, hears me. let me go with shawn, let me be with my son.

As Valentines Day approaches it will make 24 years since I have seen my little brothers smile and have heard his laugh. Does time heal all wounds, No.  Time helps, but the wounds still remain. The open wounds are now covered in scare tissue. The scare is still seen as bright as the sun in my uncontrollable fear.  Fear for my own children. At the age of 12 I lost my little brother, my little mister. He was 8 when he lost his life in a fatal car accident with my grandfather. My grandfather was…

 I remember the first time I heard it.  I had never heard anything quite like it before, nor since.  It was the winter of 1976-77.  My parents and I had moved into an upstairs apartment.  It always started around midnite, a low menacing growl. Like something wild snarling softly in the bushes. But then the sound would grower louder and more intense, until finally it had grown into the high pitched shrieking of something tormented, demonic even!  I would bury my face into my pillow until the…

Yesterday I didn't shower. Didn't even bother getting out of my pajamas. Realizing Friday what day that was a year ago seemed to open the wound. I wasn't expecting that. Wasn't even thinking that would be a trigger. It made me remember how everything was finally coming into reach. Something I've wanted all my life. Something Gary and I had been fighting so hard for.

I saw a picture yesterday from what looked like handful of years ago of one of my exes and his wife on her FB page. She…

12 Steps in Grief Process

1.RECOVER FROM A LOVED ONE'S DEATH REQUIRES MORE THAN TIME.

Yet, if we allow ourselves the time to mourn we can gradually break grief's grip on us. Recognizing the role and value of the grieving process orients us to accepting the fact of the death. Acceptance marks a major step towards recovery.

2.GRIEF IS UNIVERSAL - GRIEVERS ARE DISTINCTIVE.

Grieving follows a pattern, but each griever experiences it…

its so hard everyday to get up, I feel like the walking dead. I cant think any more, I don't dream, I just cry. my dr says the drepression is getting worse, I don't care, I just want to go with my son, this hell I live in  is killing me, I just want to go. to be happy with my shawn, everyone says you got the memories, well im saying I don't want them, I want my baby, I want to see his smile, his laugh, to hug him, kiss him, to hear his voice.  I pray to die,  to be this broken in side, this…