My Mommy died on Saturday, February 25, 2017 at 2:30 P.M. It was the most devastating day of my entire life. I knew her death was certain because she'd had two strokes on both sides of her brain a year apart. It was expected, but never real until the moment it happened. I was asleep when she died. I woke up the minute to the hour she passed on. The movie While You Were Sleeping was my favorite movie of all time, so it is ironic really.

Around midnight I went out on the porch.…

ever sisne iv had so mush loss i feal lk my lifs bean 1 big crash u cdy u cud say so mush loss in 2012 wz bad thn 2013 14 15 16 17 it tims i feal lk im jinx  i do i no its in my hed iv loss nuber of funrels iv bean 2 ovr lst 5 yrs evry 1 difrnt 

sad thng is only tim i sea famly 

 shawn I miss you so bad, I cry all the time, my depression is worse, god how I pray every night to die, to hold you again.   I love you always and forever   mom

In Gods care.

The Day I'll Finally Stop Grieving

“How long has it…

So today I literally can not breathe, I feel totally consumed with longing and needing him so much, god I wished he knew how much I need him, he's the only person that can make this go away, I want him back so much I've just had a terrible week. I'm 43, how am I gonna do this for years and years when I'm struggling to hold on. Since I woke up this morning all I can think about is the first time we kissed, it was 20 years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday, it just popped in my mind…

im strest i am plsd dnt hav a go or juge me wored abot mom coz of th big goin arnd evry 1 iv gt it shes got bt shes got it shes so frale im wored coz of it iv had so mush loss so mush bad piss or shit goin on plsd dnt be mad it me 

evry 1 i luv bad thnfs hapen 2htm sisne lozin my dad iv seam 2 loss pepelor thy get sic evry days thy do its lk im  a jinx i am i am a  jinx i no i am 

dad  dieds getin betr frm a strioke he wz i thrt grt im getin my dad vac agan i am wong he wz…

 Praying time goes faster so my life will end...I have endured my 3rd Christmas...so meaningless...another New Year with my heart still in pieces. I have started my Eat, Pray,Love journey;  going to places and visiting people special to our 35 yrs together...therapists thought would help but only made my heart break more...wish I had stayed in my shell. My journey took me to the church where we married, visiting my second Moma, visiting my best high school friend who was in our wedding. I…

It's been 18 months now, even though it still feels like yesterday.Is it always going to feel like yesterday? everyday feels like the day before, nothing changes, I feel like I'm in the movie groundhog day, in fact I wish that this was a movie and I would wake up and it would be different and I would open my eyes and Andy would be here and we would get our happy ending, but we all know on here that happy endings are not real. I'm so so bloody tired, I go to work, do the usual mummy stuff,…

http://vimeo.com/15143745 its song i luv coz it remd me of pele iv loss why shud i

had a miserable ending to my day and wanted to ask my dad's advice.  he loved "helping" me.  then I started blubbering in the car cause I couldn't call him

I miss my fiend and I wish that he was still here I'm getting back to the way I heard on may 21st I don't know what to do and I kmoww that it's not the doctor's falt but at the sme time I blame them  and i wish that I didn't feel that way I wish that he called me before he passed away so I could of heard his voice before he passed away I guess I'm mad at him to and I am keeping busy or listening to music