What does success in coping with death mean to you? Does it mean you can now walk your dog through the neighborhood and actually look up and smile as people go by?  Does it mean you went and bought flowers for the oak barrel that has been neglected for the past year? Does it mean you made chocolate chip cookies for the first time in God knows how long?  Or did you just go for a ride without crying or talk to your kids about something stupid and inconsequential?

      There are no…

"Just Walk With Me"…

As much as I´d like to take life quite serious, it´s not necessarily in my control and each jerk reaction out there yeah, I want to kick ass too. There is kiss, kick and put up with and as much as I´d love not to engage, life engages a few of those in that daily course of life perhaps to make sure we also belong to HUMAN RACE in the full range of what means to be part of it. I wonder what time does. Some people seems to be highly unaffected by time, positive or negative, more like 5 year…

It´s one of those things so much easier said than done. At days I st myself in the challenge to only SPEAK positive. Well it´s near IMPOSSIBLE to say and think good all the time because the peers, events and stuations demand from us different. It´s more possible when I am away from people and the interactions. Doctors visits for instance. People and this world is in most cases so deeply ROOTED into a NEGATIVE dynamics that we feel quite compelled to complain back just because in order not to…

When we have a loss we go through stages that arent forever, they move along like a roller coaster of a range of extreme feelings. Like a roller coaster between anger, frustration, sadness and feels like there is no end to the HURT. By interactions and a pattern of attracting equals in any level of interactions there may be, if we were to watch ourselves as the third person holding a camera to our outer expression we wouldcertainly qualify for best actor/actress of a mexican soapopera. We…

Best things in life don´t cost ANYTHING. This is my experience s a pet owner. There is so much more my dog gives me than most humans being will ever be able or WILLING. In her world I am her best friend, she puts her life in danger for me. If I went hungry, she would be right next to me. When I am in bedrest she does never leave bed before I do, NEVER. She just gets food, shelter and love...but her LOYALTY is much beyond what I can possibly give her. She is my friend, companion and…

There is a part of being human that is perhaps more evident to who is more an INTROSPECTIVE person. The part in me that the REBEL takes charge and propulse CHANGE. It´s not visible to others necessarily. Because it is in such a deep level, that most don´t quite read right. Works like this. When a lot of people tell you things that are not remotely acceptable, you make a longer distance from them to you. And they wonder what´s wrong, and of course they wont point at themselves reading you…

Today's been one of those days where I just can not breathe, I woke up like it, all day it's been on and off tears except when i was at work when I had to play at 'let's pretend everything is o.k and I'm not falling apart', which I'm actually pretty good at now, anyway it's been just such a hard day, I miss him every day, every second of it, but I try and keep it together, but on days like today I just lose it, I even feel angry and mad at him for dying, I shouldn't but I do, how could he…

Sometimes we get so caght up ih the realms of the what ifs and the have nots and the souldn´t, couldn´t wouldn´t. And what we miss is to find joy in the small things, to smile for the right reasons, and simply EXIST. We put so much pressure in that smile to happen that the guilt or whatever problem shuts the opportunities to ENJOY some more, and allow all to go and fall in place with a little less participation and letting time for things to eventually fall into place. It´s as if we trust…

Shifting the mind to the PRESENT is not only good, but necessary. THe PRESENT is the only time that EXISTS. The FUTURE and PAST are not real. They are a construct of our feelings and experiences and projections. The past is not only facts but attributted feelings and worth of experiences. Some taught, some were good, and some we chosse to forget. No matter what bringing the past to the present and projecting forward is a CHOICE. And most of us grieving don´t FEEL it´s a choice. In fact, we…

Many of us wonder if there will ever be PEACE. It does depend upon PEACE is mentally a real possibility. Meaning, you can´t achive what you don´t believe you DESERVE. As SOULS, we don´t come to this existence in pairs, and there is a reason people walk in and out our lives in one way or another, and that is because they are no longer NEEDED, and most likely it´s not for us to decide. It´s contemplation of what is and was that will lead to this very valuable conclusion. Creating to the soul a…

What does success in coping with death mean to you? Does it mean you can now walk your dog through the neighborhood and actually look up and smile as people go by?  Does it mean you went and bought flowers for the oak barrel that has been neglected for the past year? Does it mean you made chocolate chip cookies for the first time in God knows how long?  Or did you just go for a ride without crying or talk to your kids about something stupid and inconsequential?

      There are no…

After so many days and nights in this internal struggle to LIVE in this body and mind that more resembled a world war, being mty body the place and my soul the victim. Only echos of hurt propagating this waves of internal constand struggle. I removed myself from a lot of things, so I could sort out what was internal and triggers and just finding peace was a hard enough JOB. And out there more crap to my crap when craptometer is already running on overload. TODAY I FEEL ALRIGHT. First day in…

why can't I die 

I am just so god damn tired. Everything takes a ridiculous, enormous amount of energy. A simple trip to the store, getting a haircut, many times just getting out of bed in the first place. It is exhausting. The first death anniversary I went into a block. The second has felt like a second knock out punch when I'm still in the critical care unit from the first one 2 years ago. I haven't even begun to recover. Just struggle to survive. I'm fighting for a life I've given up on.

Taking a…

Healing is not about fighting feelings. I think the more we fight them the more neglected they become and come back worse and in ways that makes for a poor outles to say the least. These feelings cannot be neglected, and yet cannot be just discarted. THey have to be DEALTH with. In the realms of HEALING, we must recoup enough to no longer need them....to be able to let go, detach. It´s so much easier said than done. Some we think we are done with return from the dead given triggers and…

I remeber asking that myself sometimes when the worry sleeps with me and is stil present in the morning. Almost like a nightmare we fight the mind off to sleep, and it´s right there in the minute we wake up. For me thats the time to put some positive input in the brain. And since heading out and about even for a dog walk can be difficult with the pains in my back, I must try something else. Medicines altering the brain, I am very allergic. Thus in the times I´ve been in bed for over 6 years…

Here is something to help rescuing the mind from the negative thinking by replacing by positive thinking and ALLOW HEALING to take place. Guided meditation and music helps to bring the mindset back to the present and in the positive side of life. My favorites are from LOUISE HAY. There is more online. ENJOY!

Morning guided meditation 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jNV1FV-_Os

Self Love…

As I start regaining grounds of my OWN LIFE, it´s amazing how many people love to through some crap to get a negative reaction. Of course if they touch my HURT the WRONG WAY, they gained just MORE DISTANCE form my feelings and life. It´s not about them. It´s about TIME my life is ABOUT ME. If they cared to SUPPORT my HEALING, they WOULD NOT be doing that. Settting me off will work just perfect knowing exactly where my HURT is, but in fact what they just EARNED was a greater physical distance…