I made it through another big BANG. I wasnt sure if I would make it this time. This time. It seems like i've been saying this time forever. It feels like I just get back on my feet and then BANG it hits again no big warning just a big BANG. How much longer can I survive the big BAngI'm not going to wake up thinking it was all a bad dream. So I have to accept it. I'm tired of suffering. I'm tired of the pain and worst of all I'm sure my sons wouldnt want me to suffer this much. I am doing…

on the dec. 14, 2010 will be 7 months since my mom died and im sad. tomorrow also is the birthday of the man who killed my mom and himself. I honestly dont knowhow to feel about it... im so tired of all the sadness and the depression im so tired of feeling angry.im sadbecause ever since my mom died my world has been turned upside down. my mother was the glue in our familyshe was the one who rememberedb-days the one who did all the holiday cooking with me helping her, she wasthe one who kept…

I will admit that the holidays make me really sad. I never had that big of a family to begin with and ever since my mother left my family seemed to get smaller and smaller.

I did manage to get through anothe semester with half my insanity.

My college…

Today was a better day than yesterday. I knew that if I gave in to the feelings lurking in the back of my mind that they would somehow consume my entire day and I would still be in that neverending fog. Perhaps today was better because I had alot to do or because I am slowly coming to grips with the idea that my sister will never return. The latter scares me and part of me tries to ignore that fact for as long as possible. Do you think that tomorrow will be better than today?

I still feel as though I am in a fog even though it has been four weeks since my sister was so tragically taken from my family. This has been the most difficult thing I've had to endure in my life. My sister had a head on collision with a driver who slid/ swerved into her lane killing her instantly. He is fine and hasn't been charged. The accident was caused due to icy road conditions the police claim. This has not been enough for my parents, my brother and I. We are left with this…

Maybe it will just help to write this out. My 67 year old mother passed away unexpectedly the day after my 40th birthday. My Dad has been battling lung cancer all year. My Mom has always been a 'sickly' person who quite enjoyed getting attention from the doctors. I can't say that we had the best relationship - I know she meant well, but she was quite abusive when I was a kid and manipulative as I became an adult. My Dad has always been the quiet one to standby and let it all happen. About…

It is now six weeks since my heart was torn in half. The unbearable pain of that moment is healing, just as one heals after major surgery.

I may be alive, but I am not living, I am existing. The only emotion I come close to feeling is the pain form losing Nanette, but it is so unbearable I run from it.

Things like this are supposed to happen to other people, not my family. But this time we are the other people and I am lost, lonely and so very, very sad to even consider it is…

When I open "My Page" the picture of my beautiful wife full of life greets me and seeing it feels like she is still here.

Acceptance is still a long journey for me, I cannot comprehend life without her. But every day the reality hits and knocks the wind out of me.

You can see the impact just driving by our house. Here it is November 7th and there are piles of leaves in both the front and back yards. Something I would never have let happen when Nanette was here. She made me want…

And the days seem to get longer

As the nights stay the same

I wish I could see your face…