This was mostly just a random little ramble....

I didn't get much sleep last night... As usual.

Part of it was thanks to Suki though.

I was texting Ryan (the amazing guy =3) until 4 or 430 in the morning, the whole while just thinking in general. Which, in my position, is not good. I try to…

all of her things are still here, un touched. it's as if she still lives here.

today i decided to have a look in her closet and got me missing her so much. seeing her clothes it's almost like she is still in them.

i think its good some times to force yourself to do these things, have a good cry.

miss you so much mom XOXOXO

I saw a young girl wearing a shirt today, and it was lime green with white print spelling the word COURAGE.

That word is very much stuck in my head!

My wife was not at all afraid of death.  Neither was my mother.  

I guess, when you're not afraid of death, there has to be a lot of courage there within you for staying alive!

Courage (also bravery, fortitude, or intrepidity) is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or…

I don't understand how some people can be so insensitive, like they were never taught to be considerate of the loss of life, to think about what they say or how it affects the person they're saying it to. Last week my 7 year old son's physical therapist asked me, "So is your summer getting back to normal?" I was stunned...uuuuh let's see here; my son DIED on June 20, 2011, he was 18! He's not ever coming home. He's never going to be a chef. He's never going to be a husband. He's never going…

Let's all begin to heal today!

Michael

It's been 4 months since my wife Jami passed away, and 7 months since my mother passed.

I have written a lot about grief, how to conquer it, cope with it.  What I have learned is that grief is a struggle, an

overbearing and overwhelming struggle when I stay in its path by thinking of sad thoughts, sad feelings of missing whom I have lost.  Feeling guilty that I may have been able to fix my wife and possibly been more understanding of my mother. 

In coming to terms with…

 I went to the shrine yesterday. It was like Cheryl was pushing me to go. I prayed and talked with Ruthie. She is a true blessing. I thank you every day for encouraging us to go. I told her about Cheryl and I was very upset.…

Momentary lapses of sadness is something I wish to describe as those moments in which I am overcome with dread and  emotion about the loss of the beloved Lisa.  This is different than grieving I believe because these moments don't last very long now.  They come to me while I rethink the events surrounding her death and our wonderful life together(which seems like 24/7 although she been gone for 3 months now).  

My latest momentary lapse of sadness was this morning as I looked…

What's to say when all is lost, when the words don't matter now

yet I find myself in constant need to spit them out somehow

struggling to convey to you although the moment's passed

to heed the words we spoke to you, but now the dye is cast

Days tick by, a silent count thrust upon my heart

one by one they pass me by, whisking me beyond and far

never leaving me time to breathe I beg time "slow down for me"

as though I had but whispered,…

From Letters

. . . . You will not be cured, but . . . one day (an idea that will horrify you now) this intolerable misfortune will become a blessed memory of a being who will never again leave you.  But you are in a stage of unhappiness where it is impossible for you to have faith in these reassurances. 

I am here because my boyfriend of 3 years died by suicide in February. For the first few weeks, I thought I was handling it very well, but I realized later that I was numb. I have good days and sad days. I try to accept what feelings come and not judge myself for them.

I talk to him often, mostly when I wake up or right before I go to sleep. I send him love every day. I have heard that that helps their soul/spirit.

Some of my friends do not seem to understand…

I am very new here.  I thought I would write a bit about me so you all have a better idea where I am coming from.  It is quite long, so I will summarize it by saying that my wife's life-long illness caught up with her and took her from us one month after her 41st birthday.  Her death was likely hastened by one big mistake on my part and a plethora of really bad moves on the part of some…