I am so very new to this kind of communication.                 It seems easier than to see people - in person that is.      Deal with  "the face". Oh, I am sooo sorry, The standard greeting it seems.  I know that they are trying to be kind... suppotive...but really !  

My faith is strong - thank goodness - I do belive, and hold as truth,  that everything happens just as it should....              even if I don't like it. 

 It's still hard.. . . so very hard !

There are…

Since Saturday my get up and go got up and went.Iam getting alot of flashbacks that take longer to get out of my mind about my wife dying.I have made made a fair amount of progress towards living independently.Its hard as anyone here can tell you. Iam sure everyone goes thru this in different way. I was thinking there is no real cure for grief. I mean take some anti grief pills,grief rehab et etc .  Ever since she died I have pushed her death out of my mind (no not all the way) Grief takes…

When my Dad passed from brain cancer...it took about 3 years to stop the barrage of nightmares, in which I was constantly looking after him, trying to keep him from falling etc as he was so dizzy and unstable on his feet before being totally bedridden. Now I am assailed by the most horrendous nightmares again...the worst ones being where Peter is being kept alive somewhere and being experimented on, and when I finally get to him, he is so relieved that I have come to rescue him, he is…

if god and the devil are not twins are they man and wife is god man or woman or is the devil man woman i no ther is a lot of tark abot god on hear and difrent relinges is ther 1 god or is ther more thn 1 god and r they all relatd to each otheris evry 1 ther great grand childrn i hope i dont ofend any 1 for this…

Up all night...

Up all night thinking of you

Up all night shedding tears for you

Up all night missing you

Up all night wanting you

Up all night looking at photos of you

Up all night, remembering how you loved me in a special way

I need some sleep, because my head hurts

My eyes are puffy

My eyes are tired

The sun is about to rise.

But... I'm up all night.

It has been raining a lot this past week. Too much even. Rather this than a drought. Am so blessed to have a home and warm clothes and food etc. Also that my home is not flooded like so many are! In fact I am very blessed in so many ways. I am not in hospital, have a fully functioning body....yes, I can count my blessings and name them one by one and see what God has done, and never get to the end of it.

I have read in Plato and Cicero sayings that are very wise and very beautiful; but I never read in either of them: "Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden." --Augustine

I accept what happened. Why *not* me/us in this fallen, cruel world of suffering. Futile to question. Profits nothing. It's never going to be okay. We are all going to die. Please forgive me in advance if I make things worse for anyone. 

How can a man so kind hearted and loving leave us so quickly. At far too young an age my brother was murdered.  The bad part is that he was murdered at his birthday party.  There are so many details I should mention but they are hard to say...I need help finding closure.  I feel guilty for not hanging out with him more.  I feel like he can't be in heaven...even though he was the kindest of all he was previously tied into harmful drug addictions and forgot his family.  It wasn't until he was…

some days i nead a good kick up the behind do i nead to sea a dr anser probely yes but do i go no why coz im scared in case i get admited to hosptile why am i scared coz i have this silly idda  in my hed if i do get admitet u dont come out there alive i shud relize my cuzens husband he cum out there alive and his fithing canser  my mum keaps on saying my breathing is geting worse go and sea a dr and like father like dorter i…

My fiance/bf passed away April 27, 2012.  I miss him everyday and I think of him everyday.   I have been home sick with the flu and I remember how he use to care for me when I was under the weather.  No I am in our bed, sick and alone.  I keep crying.   I miss him so much. I wish I could have him back but the sad reality is he is never coming back to me and he will never make chicken noodle soup for me again.

A poem for him:

time has passed

and Yet I miss you as if…

So if you hear that one year is the magic date, I'm here to tell you that has not been my experience. If anything I find things harder than they were before. There are days I feel crazy. Okay one minute, a train wreck the next minute. Buckets of tears and a lot of pain. I miss Michael so badly and my heart feels like it has been broken all over again, or that that the healing that had begun was ripped…

I read everyones posts on here, and alot of people are just wraught with pain and sadness months, years after their loved one passes. I find for me, that my sadness comes and goes in spurts. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. I think about my father often...but only when I see pictures or think of his upcoming death anniversary is when I cry...as I write this I have tears streaming down my face because I just happened to look at his picture on my facebook. I guess in a…

I don't know if it's normal to be stuck in different stages of grief at the same time or not, but for me, it has been going on for awhile now! I miss my mom so much it hurt, and I'm angry at myself plus the doctors for not doing anything about it! I luckily have never been mad at God, I sometimes get mad that the only person I truly had, was taken away from me but to be directly mad at him, I haven't! There has been talk between some of Mom's 'friends' and all they could talk about, was that…

I can't believe she is really gone...that this just isn't true...that I'll never see my girl ever again...I loved her so much..for all my life it was "us"...We had 2 wonderful boys that I know miss their mom terribly ...She loved them with all her heart ... I find myself crying every day...me..who everyone considers a strong guy..crying when I see a dress hanging in the closet she''ll never wear again..a bike in the garage that she loved to ride..never again...pictures of us skiing,…

odd title ,I was let loose from the constaints of my marraige and the life I knew before she died.(floating in outer space) I think its horrible for anyone to lose a loved one.I have always had an immense hold on my emotions as far as angery outburst or crying.

Do I get periods of grief,yes the kind that paraylze your body. We should have never got married but we did for 35 yr ,Maby she saved me from worst things ,however you could never go up against her.

What makes it worst…

In the three months since my husband passed away from multiple myeloma

I have discovered that grief is sneaky! Many days I have felt better, only to

feel anger or dissolve into tears when confronted by something that

reminded me of him or the disease itself. I took my rage out on the illness

and for a short time turned my back on the many friends and medical

staff who had supported us so much through the years. By avoiding

people around me & the places Bill…

 So my birthday ended up not being that bad. It did start out rough. I cried the whole morning knowing I was not going to get the phone call I usually did from my dad. I smiled despite the pain of it all. I cried like 5-10 times during the day off and on. Thankfully the wishes I got from my friends and family helped mask the missing part.

  …

if heven is a plase on earth wear is earth is earth a good plase to live or is it a bad plase to live like h e l l or is earth the h e l l we live in wit bad thng happing evry day