My mom had written this before the diagnosis of cancer. She had many blood clots after my brother was born, which gave her a lifetime of more clots, serious pain and illness. But this really captures the way she was through it all, and even after the cancer diagnosis and the time she lived after.

What Do You Do?

by Kathleen P.

 

Always a fighter, it's been said

Not one to quit, never that thought in my head

But what do you do when…

Wounded Bird

I mourn you today as I did yesterday and will do tomorrow

I mourn each day with the sunrise as I open my eyes,

I feel emptiness in my heart like a sharp knife! Tears fill my life.

Not one day that I don’t cry since you been gone.…

Healing After Loss explains to us how hikers who have lost the exhilaration of starting their hike and can't see the end of the path, often call this the "middle-miles."  Grief's journey, though different than the hikers climb, does have stages.  For example in the early days/weeks of our grieving we have others to help get us through those early, shocking moments.  However once the initial "I'm here for you", fades, we realize that we are on our own.  It's about that same time that we doubt…

Sounds crazy to think that our refuge exists in our capacity to love.......death.  Only then will we begin to see change.

"Healing After Loss" offers us this:  If we learn to love death, the truth, or all that is, we can slowly unlock the chains that have kept us in denial and anger.  We can stop insisting on having something back that is never coming back.  Instead we can accept what has happened and rejoice in the life we have.

"I will try to open my hands - and my heart - to…

One month ago today My Michael went away.

The pain will just not go, and the tears continue to flow.

No words I write could ever say,

How sad and empty I feel today. 

You always said "I love you mom" right up until that day,

My broken heart just wants to know why you went away — For Michael Colby.

As we go to the places that our loved one spent with us, there's going to be that moment of reality that our loss is real.

Martha Whitmore Hickman talks about she would measure the level of courage based on far open she would keep her deceased daughter's bedroom door.  On bad days the door stayed mostly closed, on good days, perhaps a quarter of the way; but most definitely a difficult vision to see her daughter's possessions.

After months of open and close door games, she…

My father in law's house has sold, which is good, but it's still weird how we "erase" everything as if they were not here. Of course we still have some of the things from my husband's parent's, and i have some of my mom's things but mostly we had to get rid of so many things, and it only makes sense to do that. My mom's dresser is gone in dad's room, which is also good but was weird. 

I had a few really rough weeks. I don't know if it's because I feel like I remember so much of heaven…

"Healing after Loss" explains to us that for many, there is the guilt of the survivor.  The one who can't understand why they were spared and then given the dynamic task of dealing with the horrendous grief.  In this meditation we are asked to turn and look through another lens - certainly not in a triumphant or over confident kind of way, but a simple nod that indicates we have come through the storm of grief and anguish.  And instead of emptiness and hopelessness, we can transform our…

Bluebird,

 thank you for your advice & for taking the time to respond. Im new here & not really sure of the best way to reach out. Thank you !

When we truly look within ourselves, we may be surprised to find a glimmer of joy circling the peripheral of our center.  Heck we might even find a sliver of peace.  

From thinking about the meaning of death, remembering our loved ones beautiful faces, reminiscing about times together, it's no wonder most of our thoughts are wrapped up in the person who is gone.  "Healing After Loss" challenges us to; take a moment, return back to our skin, breathe, and try to return to our center.…

Grief - such an interesting process.  The question is, according to "Healing After Loss" are there benefits to us in grieving?  We do get attention and sympathy from those around us. Perhaps we're able to avoid responsibilities that were never on our list of favorite things to do anyway?  How about the fact that grief can actually make us feel even closer to our lost loved one? 

Here's the punch line - of course we want to stay close to our loved one, BUT it's the person we…

it seems like such a long time, but its like yesterday, what I would give to hear his voice, see that beautiful smile again. I sit here crying my heart out again, the feeling of being so alone covers all of me. I hope he hears everything I say to him all day everyday. I wish I knew for sure. every Saturday I would pick him up after work at 4 and go shopping, god how I miss doing that . the pain takes over my body like fire, I don't want to live like this, I want to hold him again.everyday I…

Often times rituals can be a source of comfort and direction as they carry us through the most difficult of times.  Rituals that have been shared with our lost loved one can instill a sense of power that actually brings us closer to them; recalling the sounds and words of what was said during our time together.

Take the saying of prayers or a holiday family feast, we can still surround ourselves with those who continue to participate in these rituals, and carry us through the…

god how I dread tomorrow, everyday is awful but the fifth of every month it hurts more, my shawn was born on april 5 , left me on nov 5. I feel my pain growing more each day. my tears never stop flowing, I keep telling myself its just a bad dream, but its not. its like im falling deeper into the dark hole reaching out for my shawn to come get me. I know I will never heal, ill never know what a day without pain will ever feel like again, my swollen eyes will never go down. when I hear other…

today my shawn sent me a baby bunnie, I cryed again. when I went to see him this morning, I thanked him and sat on the grass crying my heart out. I cry so much everyday and night I just don't know where it comes from.i miss my shawn so very much, god how I want him to come home to me. I smell his clothes every day, to feel him with me.im so lost, empty and I feel so much in a black dark hole without him. the love of my life forever, my shawn.

It's often difficult to savor the daily beauty of the world when we are so lost in our grief.  Why should we enjoy something so blessed when our loved one is no longer here to share in the gift of life. 

It is a true miracle for us when at last we can appreciate and accept that our loved one is in better hands than ours, and that they are seeing the beauty.  The beauty that only those who have passed, are privileged to walk and live amongst the land of eternal love and…

everyone knows how to manage grief - except those who have no grief.  Everyone wants to tell us how to manage it, when to be over it, we're being too weak, or we're  hanging on for nothing.  The truth is we might need help from others; perhaps a trusting friend, a counselor, support group., etc.

But what most matters is that we stick to our own timetable.  Some say it takes seven years to adjust to the loss of someone close.  Whatever it takes, please know that you have every right to…

No words can describe the pain I feel for the loss of my only son Michael.  I only hope that, as the book of "Healing After Loss" tells me, I will learn to bear the pain and give thanks to God for all that my son gave to me during his 31 years of life. 

The hardest grief to bear is losing a child and assuming that the physical being is no longer in our reach.  Yet if we allow faith to remind us that this separation is only temporary, we can slowly begin to squeeze in some happy…

today I tried to nitty gritty clean, to try to think of something else, but it did not work, cryed all day while cleaning. I miss my shawn with all my heart, how does god take my only child, how does my life go on, I know it wont, I know I cant. to feel so alone so empty everyday. life sucks bad.

I'm having a rough day. There's so much to do, but I can't seem to wrap my mind around anything. The headaches are becoming more frequent, and the nightmares have returned. This makes me so frustrated. The neurologist said I'm hard to treat because of allergies to most medicine. I don't know what to do. Lil Del keeps popping in, and out of my mind. His life, his death, worry about what's left of my family. All the things I normally have a handle on. Normal! What is that? I pray, but I can't…