This morning I was up at 7am! It's rare that I am up that early, unless I've been up all night. I was watching The Waltons. I usually do in the morning before I leave my bedroom for the day. You see I have had this fantasy about having this family for my own all my life.  If I could have afforded 7 children I would of had them. Now that I know how life can betray a person, i'm not so sure. That's why it's a good thing to not know what the future holds. I always dreamed that if you were a…

I had my first therapy session yesterday. I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I thought I might get sick but this was long over due for me.

I was so beyond nervous that I had to call a good friend of mine. He has this amazing ability to 'talk me down' when I get worked up. He has been to a therapist of his own and he told me that the first session is usually the hardest because you're about to be brutally honest with a complete stranger but he reassured me that this is…

It will be 2 years June 26th that Mom passed. I can't even use the word "died". My life is such a struggle. I try so hard to be the best person I can be. The job I loved, as a veterinary nurse/tech, is now something I can no longer put my heart into. The women I work with UNBEARABLE. They have told the boss that I don't carry my weight. I was floored. Had a good cry this morning. My day off - I am crying. I have absolutely no one to tell me everything is OK. My family is so…

I have been befuddled over the passing of the 10 year old boy that was hit by a car last week. My grandchildren were in my care all last week so there wasn't much time for deep thought. Npw that I am alone now I'm having lots of thoughts about it, so I went to the farm for a little distraction, plus the grass out there really needed cutting. I brought my dog Zero with me. Zero's getting old and I want him to have a good summer. Anyway Zero and I took a trip to the farm. I buzzed around…

In two days my sister will have been gone from this world for 180 days. 6 months. Each hour we get closer to the 20th my anxiety builds. I can't breathe, I can't think straight, I have no appetite, my heart is pounding, my hands are shaking and I just want to disappear. People around me can feel the anxiety radiating off me. I know that Thursday will be just another day for so many people in the world but I desperately don't want Thursday to come. I know it will accomplish nothing and change…

My wife passed away a year ago . My question is for those that have had someone close to you die,what have done with there clothes and belongings.Also I cann,t see any sense holding on to things that we accumulated in out 35 years of marriage.Who knows where I will be and since Iam without a wife in this case and 66 yrs old I know I shouldn,t hold on.Her ashes are in the house in a urn also.I figure I should put some things in a box and get rid of the rest of the items. So what anyone done…

Last night I heard a bunch of sirens go by, As always I froze for a minute and got a sick feeling in my gut. It was a 10 year old boy. He was riding his bike and was hit by a car. He is brain dead. They are waiting for the rest of the family to arrive and then they will terminate his life support. I can barely think about this without getting sick to my stomach. It gives me flashbacks. I am a little disappointed in myself. I can't think of one thing I could say to this young mother to…

My dad was found last sunday.  He had died of a GI bleed and heart attack.  Thankfully my 20 year old sister lives with me but this is going to be a very hard day for sure.  We were not ready for this at all.  I am surviving but it seems the night are always so much harder than the day.  Sometimes I don't know how I am going to make it through.  

fed up of getng emales on fathers day get yore dad a gift tak him put for meal i wish i cud if he woz still hear

i wish he woz still hear so i cud get him gifts but cantt?????????????????????????????????????????

i dont why i dremt it iv alwayz had weid strange dreams even wen i woz a kid but on ths dream it felt real

i dremt of all th peple i hav lost thy wear out side having a babr q i cud hear music playing frm th 80s andd 70s songs playng in th backk groundd 

evry 1 woz thr it had past evn th peple tht i hav nevr met in th family woz thre thy wear…

The other day I was watching a movie and a character was talking about a woman who was separated from her husband, he said she was not doing well and that's what happens ''when you have only one thing in life and you lose it''.

That's how I feel. My Mom was my reason to live. She was the special person in my life. I do have some other family, like my godparents, who I know love me as their child, but it is simply not the same.

I have tried to go back to the life I had before…

It's been one and a half years since my sister and best friend left me to be in heavenly places. This coming weeking will be the second birthday of hers that I cannot celebrate.

There are some nights when I lie alone, I can see her so clearly. I see what she looked like when she smiled, what she looked like when she slept, and what she looked like when she was with me. We both had a content look on our faces. We were happy to be in each other's company.

I also…

Love is a useless word,

when the one you love

could not be heard

on the morning of a gentle dove

Mother,

love is a…

I see my wife gasping her last breaths (May 26,2012) I was visting her in the hosp for over a month.She recieved a pace maker and new heart vales.Medically her insides went bad she was on dialysis for over 5 yrs. For some reason while in the hosp I made a decsion that I never thought I would make.I gave the hosp staff permission to take out her breathing tube and she died. It didn,t faze me untile the 2 or three month.Now my mind is running all the memories of our life together over and over…

Another morning and the day begins to dawn

My heart cries out, please God I can’t go on

Pull the blinds, please close the drapes

For my broken heart, there is no escape

I miss your laughter, I miss your smile

This pain will last much more than a little while

I know your happy and you couldn’t stay

I hear those words “Nah I’m Good” now enjoy your day

This advice I would usually take and move on

But there is no joy since you’ve…

Another morning and the day begins to dawn

My heart cries out, please God I can’t go on

Pull the blinds, please close the drapes

For my broken heart, there is no escape

I miss your laughter, I miss your smile

This pain will last much more than a little while

I know your happy and you couldn’t stay

I hear those words “Nah I’m Good” now enjoy your day

This advice I would usually take and move on

But there is no joy since you’ve…

Good Morning my precious Dustin Lee,

Today is Sunday around 8 a.m.  It looks as if it is more like 6 a.m.. There is a lot of thunder and lightning and it is dark out. You know I have never been fond of days like this. You on the other hand would sleep in and enjoy the extra rest. Like Kris and Josh told the news reporter when they came out to the house,” He worked hard, played hard, and rested hard”. What a true statement. Even though we spoke and text every…

My dad died when I was 9 and my big brother was 18, 6foot 6, and strong as an ox.  I never knew life without him in it.  And now he is gone.  Not sure how much more of this I can take.