I don't even know where to begin. I wish the anger would just go away. I have a child to raise and two children to help raise. It has been 2 1/2 weeks since I lost my love, my best-friend, and my soul mate. People keep telling me that life must go on but how is MY life supposed to go on when half of me is gone. Half of me is gone and sitting in a damn box in my living room. It is literally, physically painful to get up...to take care of my kids....to do anything but lay in bed. Laying in bed is… Continue

I know it's only been a little over a week since the police came and told me my wife had killed herself. I know intellectually that it's probably pretty normal that lots of stuff is coming up, that random little things keep reminding me of her. I know that's going to be going on for quite awhile, as nearly 15 years together builds a LOT of connections and memories.

My heart, however, feels like each time I look at one of those things, especially the ones that blindside me, it's getting… Continue

Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary, and it's hurting so much.  Barely a month has gone by since I lost my boo, I don't want to work, I don't want to go outside, I just stay in my room.  I'm so lost and empty, that I feel I have no life left to give.  I deal with dealth all the time, but it sure is different when it comes to your own.  I have twin sons 24, not from my husband, he was…

Continue

I lost my wife to cancer, now, her sister. (she and I became so close.).  She was there to help me get away from the pain and heartache although I never did get rid of it but she helped me through it more than ever.  A baby sister anyone would die for.  If someone is testing up in heaven, or if this is just a game, please let me make a statement.  YOU WON.  My love is gone and now my little sister, cancer is a horror in this world and I'm an m.d. to be but couldn't do anything.  In the end,…

Continue

My wish is that you can find some comfort in these words.

I had read this some time ago, but can't remember if it was here

or on another site.  It was given to me again today.

When I read this it just touched me as so true as my son was

so protective towards me (and his dad).

I felt like it was my Valentine from my son.

Valentine's day will be 7 months that he is gone

physically, but I don't believe he will ever be

truly…

Continue

 

 

I am sorry for your loss. I feel the pain you are experiencing trying to manage your life through this transition without your loved one. There is not a set time for any of us to start feeling normal again or to move through each day with ease and free of pain and heartache. It will come eventually, I promise. I don't know what it is like to lose a spouse, but I feel death is something we experience, the pain is there no matter the significance of the person in our lives. I… Continue

the story of my mom's passing is indeed a sad one....first of all, we were very close, probably closer than two people could be....especially in her last two years....anyways....she was to go in for minor surgery to have her ovaries removed, she had a cyst, and the dr. wanted to remove it because in older people the cysts can turn cancerous....I had talked to her a couple days before the procedure....she was in high spirits because she was looking forward to being out of pain, for the past year… Continue

Well Bens birthday came and went but I was too sick and in the hospital to feel much of anything. How's that for a mixed blessing. Yesterday I sang and spoke at a memorial for a man I had never met and only knew from his late night phonecalls. Every time we spoke he was very drunk. I was surprised that I was asked to sing and speak since we had never met. I dont really do funerals or memorials anymore but I felt in my heart I should do this. When it was over the mans daughter came up to me and… Continue

I don't like the sun anymore. I only want to come out at night. It hurts to see the sun shining because it makes me think the world is happy and I am not. Lisa would watch the superbowl with me. We would make snacks. She didn't really like football. She liked the commercials and the halftime show. Lisa passed peacefully in hospice. She was there 8 days. The last time we talked was on Wednesday while she was in the hospital before hospice. I held her hand and rubbed her head. I want her back. I… Continue

I tried sleeping in our bed today. It worked for a couple hours - just a nap. I cried myself to sleep. I tried to sleep in the bed tonight. It didn't work. I felt like a fish out of water. I've slept on the couch since the beginning of the year. Well anytime that I wasn't sleeping at the hospital or hospice. Lisa's cremains came in the mail today. She donated her body to science and that's how they send the cremains back. I couldn't bring myself to open the box. I left the house today around 3… Continue

The other day I watched a couple interacting with one another. He was very attentive and she seemed rather annoyed by his attentiveness.

In my world I would have given anything for him to be even slightly attentive to me. But it seems that guys don't like girls who want to give, who want to comfort, who want to love. The thrill of the chase. Its FUN.…

Continue

I attend college courses. I work two jobs. I give back to my grandmother, when I have the money. I make sure to say hi to most of everyone I meet. When someone needs me I go to them, because I know what it is like to feel as no one there.

I don't have any parents.

And even though my father is not deceased, at least…

Continue

I want the sun to shine everyday. I want my loved ones to never die. I want to feel like a normal huan being. I want life to be better and happier. I want God to come here and talk to me about all the troubles that are happening. I want all animals to be treated with compassion and respect. I want children to never have to suffer abuse. I Want peace and love to rein everywhere. I want to sleep without the fire that tears my heart up every night. I want my granddaughter to be ok when she is… Continue

Well, I do not think that people are right when they tell me that it will get better with time.  Time seems to only make it harder for me! I think about you every day Ken, and I think about all of the things we could have done together in the time that you have been gone.  No, it is NOT Better, NOT easier, NOT ok. 

I have read your wisdom, heard you share the best advice, so am inviting any of you who would like to offer tools, tips, stories, to help others be a guest speaker on Tuesdays calls. I could feel how helpful it was to actually be able to speak verse just writing. If you are interested please let me know.