I've never written a blog post before but I have heard that it can be very therapeutic. I've recently suffered a great loss and I feel deep down that letting some of what I feel out into the open will be helpful on my journey through grief. So, here we go..

I've been touched by death before. The death of a loved one who had been ill, the death of a loved one who lived to be 92 years old and even the death of a close friend who accidentally overdosed. Never had I ever thought…

Continue

I can see where Iam going to go absolutly nuts unless I do something with my life.Unfortuntly my worthless therapist just sits there and listens to me talk about something or anything. I have yet been really suicidal I think we all think about (or some of us do ). Anyway I suggested I hike down a popular trail near where I workd and he said "yea that would be a good idea" I would think he would help introduce me to a therapy group. So Iam put in the position where I have to get enough…

Continue

I feel so lost since i lost my son. I think of him every minute of every day. my grief is so strong. it is hard to be at home or work. I miss him so very much he was my first born, the first true love of my life. I can not even begin to fathom life without him in it. To watch him grow older, to be there for his daughter and wife to see them grow old together, and watch his daughter grow up. He would have been 28 years old on the 13th. We went and had dinner at one of his favorite restaurants…

Continue

 

[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in] by E. E. Cummings

 

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

 

no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always…

Continue

I feel like I became parylized when he died and I'm starting to have to feel again and I don't want to because it hurts too bad. I know I need to grieve but I just can't take it. I've been having to go through pictures all day for the memorial, I don't want to look back. I miss him too much. I've stayed in bed for four months now. I'm making myself plan a memorial/life celebration for him, he deserves that and I know I need to try to tell him goodbye. What I've done isn't mentally healthy.…

Continue

Each day my heart breaks. Each day I go on. I don't ever want to forget all of the specialness of her and of our relationship. Jayne was my best friend, my biggest support, and I miss her terribly. But life wants to continue. I wish we had another day, moment, conversation. A chance to smile and laugh together. I want to honor her and cherish the time we did have, but sometimes I am so sad. I find now I don't really want to reach out to friends very much. I do have support; I don't always use… Continue

I lost my baby brother 26 years ago. He was burnt to death by an intruder who also robbed of the money he was saving to come to Florida to visit for about a week. Instead of having him visit we had to place his ashes in the Gulf of Mexico.

I stil cry over him when something reminds me of him.

My mom passed away in April of last year from lung cancer. I find that I still miss my brother much more than my mom because it was my moms time to go and she isn't suffering anymore. I'm afraid… Continue

GABRIEL

I LOVE YOU GABRIEL

 

Tuesday makes it 7 weeks since I found my soulmate's body in his car. I miss Anthony Hitson so much that it is literally killing me. I've had two panic attacks, one of which caused a TIA or mini stroke. Every morning, I come out to the edge of the pasture and would have a good cry with talk time..you all know. Then, before bed, I repeat. Illm
Anthony

death runs in 3s janury 2013 monday 7th january the last few days all iv herd is death a freind of my dads died jimmy nbor died thn today in the obitchery another frined of my mum and dads brian who had the big c i feal like death is folloring me all over                                                                                              i hate death it just seams 1 funrall after a another funrall 

Another victum impact. My mother was stabbed to death april 11,1989. He knocked on her door said he had a sick child and was locked out of his apartment. he came in pulled a knife out my mother was heard saying take what you wantbut please don't hurt me. he slashed her face multiple defensive wounds. He stopped and ate had a cigarette. back then dna was real new so the case got shoved in a box. the law now saysall felonies must give a dna sample. They found the guy. For the next year…

Continue

IM PLEASED 2012 HAS GONE ALL THE BAD LOOK WIT IT I WOZ WONG GOT A CARL OFF MY ANTI ON THUSDAY TO SAY 1 OF MY DADS FREIND JIMMY HAD DIED SAW A OLD NBOR GEORGE WHO TOLD US GEORDIE HAD DIED I WOZ ONLY SPEAKING HIM 2 YESTERDAY MORNING AND HE WOZ OK THEN I WOZ PLEASED 2012 HAD GONE ONLY SAD BIT ABOT WOZ THE LAST TIME I SAW MY DAD ALIBE WOZ 2012 ON THE 2ND MARCH HE DIED THE 3RD OF MARCH AT 220AM

it does creep in that uh maby I didn,t do enough to keep her healthy,there was a lot of issues. She was in and out of the hosp so many times maby her son and me just grew immune to what was going on. I feel sad(she died may 26,2012) What went on the last time she was in the hosp was just a downward spirl into a trip to internity with no return. So I feel sad. I have mixed emotions,after all this wasn,t a picture perfect marriage (no kids except a boy form a former marriage. I would say my…

Continue

Continue

These holidays were absolutely miserable for me. I just could not control my emotions. Now my daughters think I need to seek a counselor. It has only been 5 1/2 months since my loss. This is normal right? Along with the holidays was our wedding anniversary to only add to the problem. I love my daughters but they just do not understand. I knew it was just a matter of time before they would say enough is enough. I tried to explain to them that being married to someone for 38 years is so hard to… Continue

How do I begin to heal?  It's been about 4  months since Dad passed away and I still have a hard time talking about it.  I've tried telling my story on here for months but every time I start typing I break down.  I'm still trying to makes sense of things.   He passed away on September, 3^rd 2012 at 8:03 AM from lung cancer.  He went from diagnosis to death in a matter of a couple weeks.  My Dad was the healthiest person I've ever known.  By the time he…

Continue

Well today is the firt day of the new year. I'm in a strange place right now. I've gone through so many emotions this past year. I liked the good state of mind. I don't like the sad state of mind. I like feeling ok because I don't know what feeling wonderful is anymore. I've gone through so much that just when I think I've got things atleast somewhat figured out, the old haunts come back to bite me. I've worked so hard to treat my daughters better than ever so they'd know that they are just…

Continue