So I didn't add enough to my profile. I had been with my husband since I was 19. We fell in live, married 3 yrs late and had our 1st son 2 yrs later.......fast forward, we have 3 sons and he gets into drugs. Sentenced to 15 yrs I only decided mot to divorce when he set me free..telling me how much he loved me and truely sorry he was. And again he was sober and the man I loved. Its was a long journey filled with years and struggle. So finally he came home in 07/2015. So ready to start again. Got is bicycles so we could stay in shape. By now we are 55 and 50. He rode that bike 35 miles to work and happy to do so. Finally, I could breathe. Within 4 mos his back hurt and he looked like he was wasting. The day after thanksgiving ( he was too week to go anywhere) we went to the hospital and the nightmare began...in fast motion. Spontaneous Burkitts lymphoma...deadly agressive. We were hopeful for a stem cell transplant but after 4 aggressive in patient chemo, it came back in 3 weeks. I remember the look on his Dr's face and she watched me try to absorb it. Cancer would take his life.......this was mid July 2016. We thought months probably but of coarse too afraid to ask. 4 days after our 28th wedding anniversary on 8-20-16 he couldn't stand up. Hospice came in and I choose to believe it was God Grace that let his pain end on 9-1-16 at 10:35 am. He waited for me to wake up. I'm blessed that I was laying next to him and holding his hand. We talked and cried and laughed those last few weeks. I know he wants me to be happy but how do I love without my heart?