Jan
  • Erie, PA
  • United States
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About Me:
Just turned 50. 18 days later found my husband of 17 years dead. He was only 53. Now im all my children have. Ages 23, 16 & 12. I just dont believe it. We are all traumatized. We keep expecting to hear him in The house. Its so wrongly quiet. So tired of the what ifs and why didnt i's and if only and on and on and on and on!!!! God didnt do this. God and I kept him alive...willed him life for 5 1/2 years following his triple bypass. His heart was too damaged. We didnt know. We never expected this. We thought we had more time.
About my Loss:
Only 3 weeks ago i had my best friend, the keeper of my memories, the one who knew me, the one who loved me completely, the one who could hurt or love me like no other, the one i could count on. We had our problems like any others, but there was hope every day we opened our eyes. I feel like im going insane. This just isnt ok. I dont understand. This isnt fair to our children. In an instant, a split second, my whole world..me..our children and their world...turned upside down and spun out of control. No telling where or when or if our lives will ever come to rest. I dont know how to make this pain bearable.
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At 4:46pm on June 15, 2016, Jan said…
Day 54 of my new existence.........
 
 
 

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Gary Ruby is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Julie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Nov 5
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Speed Weasel commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"GriefShare is a church based support group. They do have meetings online, but the usual format is a group of people experiencing a loss getting together weekly to watch videos (13 weeks total) about grief and loss. After the video, we talk about the…"
Oct 21
Natasha commented on Speed Weasel's blog post A Return to GriefShare and a Crisis of Identity
"is griefshare a website like this?"
Oct 21
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Morgan Sangrouber is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Oct 10
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Addie replied to Kali's discussion It was not supposed to be like this in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"Kali I’m so so sorry you are going through this. Grief is hard enough, but going through it secretly, all the while having to continue showing up for your kids, is just brutal. Perhaps your friend was careful to hide your conversations behind…"
Sep 26
Kali added a discussion to the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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It was not supposed to be like this

In 2014 I met the most amazing man ever. We were both in our very early 20s and were looking for different things at the time. We ceased communication for roughly 6 months. During which time, he completed basic training and joined the Air Force. By the time we reconnected he was already at his first duty station.. 8 hours away.We decided we wanted to continue our relationship and proceeded to cultivate a deeply emotional connection. Regular calls and video chats, visits while he was home on…See More
Sep 26
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