Barbara I feel the same pain you feel. I'm very sorry your son is gone.  My 34 year old son Karl died in his sleep March 5th 2010.  It still doesnt seem real at times.  I had my husband to cry and be held and understood by when I was grieving for our Karl but then my husband got sick with cancer this spring and died in July.  Life can be so hard at times.  My only advice is keep pictures and things of your sons in plain sight so you can be reminded of better times with him.  I get pleasure and peace from holding his things and seeing his smiling face in those pictures.