Hi Anne, I'm so sorry for your loss as I grieve mine. I'm suffering day and night and there's nothing I can do or think that can give me a moment of peace. I visit him every day and ask a stupid question "how you doing my love" as if he's alive and than I apologize to him for asking such a dumb question. I'm so broken that I've decided to be miserable and deprive myself of anything fulfilling including food and sleep. I'm tortured by the video tape that plays in my mind of his hardships and everything we both went through together. His beautiful face with just one wish, I want to make sure my Anna will be ok. I'm screaming in pain yet no one can hear me. I've lost my faith yet I pray my painful life ends very soon. My baby dolly, one of many love names I called him, is sleeping in a grave only 39 years old, how do I accept that? My hero, my braveheart that fought this ugly disease that snuck up on us is not here to tell me "don't worry, about a thing, cause every little thing will be alright". When he was sent away on a project from work, he'd make me pinky swear I won't cry after I dropped him off at the airport.. I'd drive home just telling myself your love is going to be home before you know it.. and now, he's never coming back how do I live knowing that? I've wished the entire world's cancer on me so there's no Anna crying for her Keith anymore but the cold hearted killer will do what he pleases only because, he can. Shows his cruelty to innocent people who know nothing but to love, an unconditional love for their spouse and suddenly they are robbed. Every day I cross off my calendar that one more day I'm closer to my death. If we weren't given a choice to be born than why were we? If there's something called God out there than let that thing come to us and answer one simple question, did you need my Keith more than I do? But of course that thing is a big shot, has more killings to do and has no time to answer little people like us. I'm going downhill pretty fast and I'm banking on my end to arrive soon. I'm ashamed to be alive 97 days after he's passed but I know this won't be too long, as I'll close my eyes one day very soon, he'll hold my hand and we'll both be together again. Can't wait.

I wish there was a place I could just go and feel a little alive but unfortunately for me, there's nowhere. I only feel at peace when I visit him at the cemetery which I do every day and this weather can't even stop me. My brain replays every painful memory of his last couple of months. 38 years old, in June 2015 I took him to the ER for a tummy ache which turned out to be stage IV colon cancer, why?? Why I didn't get it? Why we both didn't get it together? Why take my love my life away from me to live for what? For who? We didn't even have children yet and our love story was put to an end? Oh I miss him so much I can't even breathe I can't eat I can't sleep I'm so broken I can't even describe oh please my love please just come take me with you please.