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Comment by Joanne on November 15, 2015 at 2:01am

Thank you it's vey hard,I miss him so much...I'm very sorry for your loss as well

Comment by Tildyc on November 14, 2015 at 11:27pm

Joanne- I'm sorry you have to be here.... There really aren't any words that describe the amount of pain we have to live with now. But here- we are allowed to say what we need to at anytime. It's been the one and only place I've been able to go- period.

For me- this loss of my soulmate has consumed me and has left me irreversibly broken. I will never be okay.....

I know my words are of no comfort but, I and most of us here, will hear you and understand. And I'm so very very sorry for what has happened to you, me and everyone else here...
So very sorry.

Comment by Joanne on November 14, 2015 at 6:02pm

Thank You Trina, My condolences to you as well yes it's so hard... no children so he was my everything my best friend

Comment by Trina Mamoon on November 14, 2015 at 5:23pm

Hello Joanne,

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved husband. I have no words of comfort to offer you, only that you have come to the right site where you can talk freely about your grief and find support and empathy. 

I lost my wonderful husband Joseph to lung cancer in August 2014, and I am still struggling daily trying to come to terms with his death. It was much harder the first year, it's gotten a tiny bit easier. To give you perspective, in the beginning the pain and anguish was like being hit by 100 foot-high waves all the time, now the waves are more at 70 or 80 feet high for me, and I do get respite once in a while during the day. So while it's been a tiny bit better after 15 months, I am not healed, nor am I "moving on". The loss of a beloved spouse is one of the most harrowing and painful of all human experiences. It's unspeakable had, and unless one has faced it themselves, one don't know what kind of a living hell this is. There is no answer or tip that I can offer, except to say to take one day at a time. 

Again, you have my deepest sympathy. Hang in there!

Comment by Joanne on November 14, 2015 at 3:49pm

Hi my name is Joanne I lost my husband Chris, June 11 2015 to suicide. We met in 2001 we were together 10 years before we married in March 2011. We were engaged for many years. I miss him very much this has been a living nightmare Chris was a wonderful husband he suffered from a eye condition he was on doxycycline for 10 months and had horrible side effects from the very beginning but he thought he could fight the feelings he was having. He was my best friend I also lost my mother in law on July 20 2015

Comment by nicole irving on November 10, 2015 at 12:56am

Tildyc i am glad you didnt loose your job, would be the last thing you need, being tough/ strong doesnt help much in the position we are in, i too have always had people telling me how strong i am, raised 2 kids by myself and stil accomplished alot, but seriously not feeling very strong at the moment

Comment by Tildyc on November 10, 2015 at 12:46am

Nicole Erving- yup- I hate. Very much so. Damn near lost my job today due to this bubbling anger underneath my facade I put up every day. I seriously had my Hans raised up in a strike position today..... I've always been tough, yetbfair to even my most difficult rm

Comment by nicole irving on November 9, 2015 at 10:00pm

i wish i knew how to stop the sadness, mike was such a happy person, he would hate to see me so sad all the time, i just got put on full time at the job i love, i should be bouncing, but i just dont care. i am not a hater but... i hate his work place that had him working up to 72hrs a week, 72hrs of hard manual labour, 72hrs of bullying, as far as i am concerned its their fault. i hate the ex wife that was giving him a major hard time, i hate the man that prevented us from going away at xmas last year for a few days, we never got to go away together for any extended period. i hate that i only got 3 yrs with him, i hate that i am not going to get to marry him and grow old with him, i hate that we cant continue with our dream, i hate coming home and not having him here, i hate the thought of the little silly half arguements we had, i hate happy couples/ families, i hate special occasions, i hate going to bed, getting out of bed, i hate not being able to give him a call, a cuddle, a touch, i hate , hate , hate. I just want him to come home, i am half the person i was, i need him, want him, cant live without him

Comment by Tildyc on November 9, 2015 at 9:29pm

The up coming holidays and markers are breaking me into a million pieces. I do not know how I'm gonna make it through this BS. I'm continually getting so unbelievably.... even..... lower .... Every.......day.................

This is going to be sooo bad. I don't know what to do.

Comment by Tildyc on November 9, 2015 at 1:34am

AnneJ- Alaska is where I and my entire family was born and raised. It was all I knew. Then I went to the outside and lived for morebyrs than I ever wanted to. Yet- the entire time I was gone, I was always-always trying to find my way back. It's where I belonged. Where my roots were solidly set- without question. Now- that Mark is gone, I feel that even this unbreakable and defining bond with this land has been taken from me. Even though we both knew we belonged here...without him- I belong nowhere.

How could of I've ever known that this loss would've changed me to this depth? To steal away all that I thought defined me? I still wander this wild and beautiful land- but it does not take away my pain or change the stark reality of what my life has become. There truly is no escape.

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