Comment

Comment by kathleen akin on January 12, 2017 at 12:07pm

Very well put John T.

Comment by John T. on January 12, 2017 at 11:45am

To diminish the pain of others and dismiss it as self-indulgent isn't helpful here.  Personal suffering is just that: personal.  We try to understand it and to respect the feelings of others.  To seek the support of those who understand this unique pain is not "misery loving company."  To offer comfort, to listen, and to offer a kind word is what this forum is about.  Mutual support and an opportunity to heal is a special opportunity.  I am grateful for all this group has done to help me on this journey over the past two years.  There is no greater loneliness, of emptiness than that felt when a spouse is lost.  No one can know what personal factors figure into the way we react and the pain we feel.  Talking about those feelings without being judged has been the special gift offered here.  To have the safe place this forum has represented threatened by the harsh judgments and senseless cruelty of some is awful.  Those who have "moved on" from their loss and no longer want to "wallow" should find another outlet for their personal sense of triumph.  Seeking comfort from others who are in the same place emotionally is not wallowing.  Those who have just picked themselves up, dusted themselves off, and moved on within months of a profound loss can stop congratulating themselves here and delivering harsh lectures to those who are so deeply hurt.  If you don't need the support of the group, continue to "move on" and leave the people who need the help of others in peace.  There is no point in needling they who grieve for the joy of it.  If this forum was being disrupted by a troll when I first came here with raw wounds and seeking comfort, I would not have stayed.  If I had not stayed, I would not have grown or come to understand my own feelings.  That opportunity to possibly heal, to whatever extent possible, must not be denied to those who need it.  Perhaps by ignoring the calloused input of trolls who feed off their ability to hurt others, those trolls will be starved and go away.  Responding to John the Dragon and their ilk just emboldens them and gives them what their shriveled egos need.  Their sort thrive on the internet but it's pretty terrible to see their cruelty taking root here.  It's really awful to watch them have any success in this special forum.

Comment by Mary on January 9, 2017 at 4:05pm

My thoughts are with you Michael. It has been 8 months for me and I too find it hard each day. Am also still working on my husbands estate as he didn't have a signed will. We had ours prepared about a month before but hadn't got to the lawyers to sign.
I wish you strength and peace as you progress through the days. Losing a spouse is as I imagined...much too difficult...actually more difficult than I imagined.

Comment by Michael on January 9, 2017 at 2:20pm

Today it has been three months since my wife Roxanne died. It is still unbearable. To add to the pain, every day brings another thing i have to do to settle her estate, sell house, possibly move. It is all too much.

Comment by kathleen akin on January 4, 2017 at 11:54am

Oh Michelle!!!! I'm so sorry you are grieving so hard... I wish I had the right words to lift some of that pain off you
People will tell you that in time it will get better. I think it does but not back to the life with your husband. Not that kind of better. But something different. You will now be different
You said you talk about him all the time. I do that too!!! Nobody else will bring up Rocky's name....I'm sure they think I will start to cry. I'm getting better at controlling that but not always. I just don't want my kids to forget him. He was not their dad but he was such a good dad to them. He chose to love them so I hate that they might forget him
You know what I find hard? Thinking about how he doesn't exist on this planet anymore. He's gone. I don't know why this is bothering me so much. He's only 9 months gone and I feel like he is so far away. Like he's being erased. That's why I talk about him. We didn't have children together. How I wish we did. I just have his very sick dog and when he goes, that's it
Hold your kids tight and talk and talk about him. Everyday. Keep him alive in your heart

Comment by Mary on January 4, 2017 at 3:31am

Michelle - my heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry you are a member here. My beautiful husband has been gone 8 months. He was only 52. I don't find it any easier. I find it harder each day. I cry every day and have breakdowns once or twice a day. I wish I would have died with him. The only reason I get out of bed is for my 3 kids. I don't want them to worry more about me than they already do. I need to be here for them. I too can not bear to move my husbands things. They are a comfort to me where they are. His robe is my comfort at night. His pictures throughout our home. I talk about him all the time. I talk to him every day. There are some days I think I am in denial ... Then some days it hits me so hard I can't breathe. Our worst fear was to lose each other. Sometimes what gets me through the day is knowing that he doesn't have to suffer living how I am living. But he is with me. He gives me signs because he knows I need them in order to keep going. i feel joyless, vacant, empty. He is the love of my life.
Wishing you peace and comfort.

Comment by Elynn m on January 1, 2017 at 11:34pm

Michael, you are probably right about your stats.  I'm sure that all of us are different.   But you (and the rest of us) know ourselves,  more than anyone else can.   You brought up some good points to comtemplate.  Hopefully, our chances of  being miserable till death will decrease with time.

Comment by Michael on January 1, 2017 at 8:52am

Made the numbers up, just a guess.

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 1, 2017 at 7:29am

Another year without my beloved Husband Julian. There is nothing happy about a New Year.

Comment by rachel_micele on December 31, 2016 at 10:23pm

Michael - what criteria did you use to decide the numbers?

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