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Comment by Connie K on February 7, 2015 at 3:34pm

I wish I could find a therapist who could understand. I hate to wish this upon anyone but I just don;t think someone who has not experienced this loss can help me. Hugs to everyone!!

Comment by Gale Brunault on February 6, 2015 at 6:07pm

Connie - please don't feel that you're being selfish at all.  You are right on the money about feeling robbed.  I too get envious and down realizing that I will never have a grand child to carry on my son's legacy.  That's heartbreaking!  I know that you are happy for your sister - it's not about that.  It's about realizing what we will never get to experience in this life.  I would have loved a grand daughter.  I'm so so sorry that you lost a little girl Connie.  My therapist is so good about normalizing my feelings.  She too lost her only son at age 22 while in Iraq.  He was on a weekend leave and with 4 other guys in a truck.  They went over this bridge and it collapsed killing her son and another soldier.  Such heartache...... I want you to know that you're doing the best you can.  That's all we can do.....hugs to you always

Comment by Connie K on February 6, 2015 at 11:26am

Gale

 I am glad you have received the answers you have been waiting for. It is hard to revisit that day, that moment but at the same time we need all the info we can get to try to help us deal with everything. Heroin is such an incidious drug. My son was dependent on the pain killer oxycotin (known as the poor man's heroin) for his pain and it just took over his body. He was on the road to recovery when he died in the car accident. But I know how it possesses them even though they fight against it. This was not his choice but the docs kept giving him opiates and he hated needing them. It was a major heartbreak to go through. I am so sorry your son lost his fight. I am sending all the love and prayers to you today.

I am in such a pit right now. I don't want to be selfish but I have to say that I am envious of my siblings all having grandchildren right now. My nephew and his wonderful family are moving back to the to their hometown where my sister lives. Of course I am happy for her, that her grandkids will be back and her other son lives there too so the cousins will get to grow up together. It's all wonderful and sweet but I sit here so lonely in this damn house knowing there will never be the sound of grandkids or my son ad his friends. Oh how i wished for a little grand daughter. I lost a baby at 5 months pregnant. Her name is Emily Rose. And i feel so in despair I can't even think of what I should be doing to go on with my life. I feel paralyzed. My son was everything to me so I feel like nothing, like I failed at the most important test of my life and I don't know how to forgive myself....

Comment by Gale Brunault on February 6, 2015 at 4:28am

Yesterday I received the medical examination report - such heartache to think my son was handled with instruments, etc., in trying to find out the cause of death.  It was ruled an accidental overdose.  I've been anticipating this report for so long and though I knew Michael had used heroin that evening, my concern was the substance that it was cut with.  I didn't want the report to come back saying it was all that.  How I miss that boy!  My hope is that I can put this piece behind me and mourn the loss of my only child without waiting for more news about his passing.  Sleep tight my love

Comment by Gale Brunault on January 30, 2015 at 8:25pm

Oh Connie - I know just how you feel.  In fact I am in the process of re-writing my will.  Instead of half going to my son and the other half going to my step daughter, I've decided to give my half to my niece and her son Kai who is Michael's god child.  My niece Janelle and Michael are both only children so they grew up together and were extremely close.  When she had a baby she asked Michael to be the god father.  I want to make sure that Kai is taken care of as is Janelle.  I do have other nieces and nephews but Michael only had one god child and that's what I want to do.  As for passing things on - I totally get that too.  It is so lonely Connie - we lost our best friends and the love of our lives.  Thanks for responding and please keep in touch.  We certainly have unique situations.  hugs and lots of prayers and peace coming your way.

Gale

Comment by Vasanthi S on January 29, 2015 at 4:10pm

Hi Gale and Connie,

This loss is one which hits at the very root of one's being. Just now a very quick note sending love as I have to go out in 5 minutes. Tomorrow I will share more knowing that I am understood. hugsss.

Comment by Connie K on January 29, 2015 at 11:49am

Hi Gale
Our loss is unique. I wonder will I or we be alone when we're old? I wonder who will want anything we own. All the special things I wanted to pass on, I struggle to think is there a niece or nephew who would really care and want this. No - it wouldn't mean the same to them. Our futures are barren. My son was 17 when he passed.He would have been 20 on March 31. I think of all the milestones he was approaching. The chance to actually spread his wings and actualize his dreams. He will never have the chance and we will never have the greatest joy of seeing them fulfill those dreams. We put our hearts and souls into raising them and now I am praying he is having wonderful experiences somewhere. But here, it's very very lonely. Sending you love and prayers.

Comment by Gale Brunault on January 27, 2015 at 7:08pm

I lost my only child on June 9, 2014 from an accidental overdose.  The pain and suffering has been unimaginable for me.  I feel that I've been robbed of the future.  There won't be grandchildren to love and nurture.  I was extremely close to my son Michael who would have turned 32 on September 14, 2014. 

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