Loss of an Only Child

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Loss of an Only Child

As bereaved parents we must deal with unique issues that accompany losing an only child. 

Members: 18
Latest Activity: Jan 19, 2022

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Comment by katherine foster on March 20, 2016 at 1:05am

Comment by Linda on February 22, 2016 at 9:16pm
It's a terrible club to be a part of love nobody ever wants to join we just thrown into it one way or another. I lost my only child Desiree in auto accident March 18th 2014. It's been a long long hard journey. I'm coming up on the two year anniversary. The hardest part for me is that my daughter Desiree left behind two wonderful children my 2 year old granddaughter Nalani and my 6 year old grandson Jashai that was their ages of the time. What I think is help me calm a bit closer to healing although that is not really the word I will never ever heal from this but help me too get beyond the all consuming grief the profound of her sense of loss is my two grandchildren. They no longer live with me as they had done in the beginning and that too is another loss that I'm suffering at this point another story get an understanding as to where mommy is. The way it happened with my daughter she was coming back from school she was working part time going to school full time to get her nursing degree and she just never came home after saying goodbye to the children from the afternoon. It's hard for me to imagine a child trying to process the fact that they go to bed and when they wake up there simply just no more mommy.
Comment by Connie K on December 14, 2015 at 11:58am

Katherine

 Just do what is in your heart, I have memorialized my son in many different ways - usually things I know he would love. The first year on his birthday we had a jmembe drum circle with all his friends and family and a a chair left empty for him. It was awesome really. I felt he was there and playing along. My husband has a tattoo in his memory. This year I had a good friend of his make a collage out of is concert tickets and special events he would go to for electronic music. It is so wonderful and I know he would think it is totally "SICK"! I also had his tee shirts made into a comfy blanket that I can wrap up in. I would be happy to send you the info for that. We planted a tree with neighbors at his school... it can be anything and I feel that doing something is like still giving him a gift. None of it is easy but easier for me than not doing it. I hung a bell in his room and every morning I open the curtains ring the bell and say good morning my sweet boy. Oh how i miss that smile.....it is so very difficult. I hope you can find something that will touch your heart and bring you some peace. Hugs to you and everyone.

Comment by katherine foster on December 14, 2015 at 11:21am

My husband and I started pulling out Xmas decor to go through and down size.  We haven't been able to even think about reestablishing a new kind of holiday  since Lesly's death.  This year we decided to make an attempt and put up something that had  'good' memories attached to it.  The few things out so far were some of his mother's decorations.  We both loved her so much and she always made the holidays enjoyable.

I wish I could say that  I was 'dealing' better but I'm really not.  

I admire all of you who are able to actively memorialize your children.  It's such a positive thing to do and I hope to be there some day.  it's just oh so painful to  think about her for too long.  I would be interested to know how you got started with the process of establishing  a scholarship in memory of your child.  Seems like such a positive thing to do.

Comment by Gale Brunault on December 13, 2015 at 6:34pm

To Us:

Here they come again - always without warning,
Those holiday months - how they trigger my sense of mourning.

From the music to the decorations, and all the holiday cheer,
Makes my heart sink even further - oh how I wish that you were here.

I'll always hold you in my heart for that's the only light,
That shines in spite of my darkest days - for you my love, sleep tight.

Comment by Connie K on June 16, 2015 at 11:59pm

Gale - wonderful celebrations of your son's life. And I am so sorry to hear about your sister. My heart breaks for Janelle also. Sending you lots of prayers  tonight

Comment by Gale Brunault on June 16, 2015 at 6:22pm

Hello ladies - sorry I haven't been on site in a bit.  We had a fund raiser on June 6 for my son's art scholarship and then the next day, which was Sunday, I had a mass in Michael's name.  Tuesday, June 9th was the one year anniversary so the mass was to celebrate his life with my family.  Such an emotional weekend and all.  Then to top it off my sister who is a year younger than me is dying of liver cancer.  She came to the service but is now in the hospital in Boston.  She has been through a lot.  She too has an only child, a daughter named Janelle.  Michael and Janelle grew up together and were like siblings.  Evamarie (my sister) and I are very close and so knowing that I'm going to lose her is just heartbreaking.  The one saving grace is knowing that she will be with my precious son Michael.  He happens to be the godfather of Janelle's son and so I have put her in my will as my living heir.  It's all terribly sad yet part of life.  Hugs to all of you -

Comment by Connie K on June 7, 2015 at 10:50am

Gale - sending you lots of love today. We also did the same thing at my son's high school and gave 2 scholarships to deserving  students. It is important to always honor own children's memory and keep their true spirit guiding us to help others on this world if we can. Hugs to everyone.

Comment by Tina on June 7, 2015 at 8:55am

I wanted to thank you too Connie for your kind and helpful words.  Yes, I still can't believe it is for "forever", it will be a year on June 11th and the pain seems like it was just yesterday.  Gale, that is so wonderful that you set up a scholarship in your son's name. Your in my prayers.

Comment by Gale Brunault on June 7, 2015 at 8:41am

Thank you Connie for those the helpful words - I've also heard that the 2nd year can be hard in a different way.  Perhaps the truth that they aren't coming back sinks in more and more.  It's not so much about the anniversaries, but more about "holy crap this is forever." I had a good cry yesterday following a beautiful fundraiser in Michael's name.  The scholarship is the Michael Colby Art Scholarship and on May 28th I awarded the first recipient $1000 at the High School Michael attended.  It was sad yet empowering.  I was able to tell people what a beautiful son I had and to give Kudo's to the recipient. 

Anyway today is a mass for his 1 year anniversary.  Say a prayer for me please. 

 

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