Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Liz Marotz on October 15, 2016 at 12:51am

I couldn't agree with you anymore. My Husband passed when I was 40. Our friends didn't understand my grief. They all said you will remember him but someone else will come along and fill in the gap. Well let me tell you, it's been 9 years and I still want him back so bad that I tried to be with him intentionally 3 weeks ago. However it was a failed attempt because I got caught. I think about him every day after all these years and I am sick and tired of people telling me he's not coming back and I need to learn how to move on. Well quite frankly I haven't been able to move on because nobody will be able to fill this hole that I have in my heart and in my life. Like you my Husband was perfect for me. He was one of a kind. I know I will never have that again. I just miss him so much and I want our beautiful life back. Who knows...Maybe one day... 

'

Permalink Reply by ShingingLight1967 on October 15, 2016 at 8:15pm

Liz:

I honestly know where you are coming from, and I thank God that I dont have a gun in my house, because I might have succeeded. 

What keeps me going are my kids. And with all the loses they have been through in the past few years, I couldnt put them through one more, but when it's my time, I wont stop it.

When you find "the one" the perfect one for you, and then lose them, there is nothing in the world that can replace that.  The fact that people look at me like I should find someone new, just want to make themselves feel better.  It isnt for ME, it's for them.

I realize now that I am out of place with a lot of my friends.  I know that there is this elephant in the room! And I realize that people dont know how to deal with it... but dont put that one me.  I wish people would understand that there is no way I am going to "move one" and "find someone new." 

((hugs))

Permalink Reply by Lisa on October 15, 2016 at 2:08am

I'm so, so sorry for your loss ShiningLight.  My husband has also passed away, almost 10 months ago now....he was 35.... the "you will find someone again." comments are the ones I have found to be the most hurtful as well.  They are so offensive.  Just like you and your husband, I had found the one I was supposed to be with.  I know without a doubt were supposed to be together. I have never met someone that I got along with so well in my entire life. Someone I could truly be myself around.  We supported each other and helped each other no matter what kind of crazy and fun dreams or goals we had, and we had so much fun with our life together.  No one else seems to be able to understand that.  I can never find that again...no one can ever, ever fill the void that he left in my life.  It makes me sick to even think of being with someone else.  My husband and I, we were best friends.  We were each others world.  We would have rather been spending time with each other than anyone else. Of course we had our squabbles too, but they were never serious. Just over silly things.

I just want to be with him.  I don't know where he is, if he's anywhere at all, but I want to be "there" also.

People think it's so easy to just "move on".  Lately when people tell me that I will find someone else, or even worse, ask if I'm dating yet because I'm so young and SHOULD find someone else (because they still talk like this, no matter how angry I get at the words. It happens at least once or twice a week now)  I just ask them "Why do you think it's so easy to 'find someone new'.  Just wait until it happens to you."  And they usually get quiet for a while.

I miss him so much.  I'm so angry and bitter that we can't still have our wonderful life together.  It was so wonderful.  Now every day is continually worse.  Life is just so tiring now.

Permalink Reply by ShingingLight1967 on October 15, 2016 at 8:22pm

Thanks Lisa.

I am sorry for your loss as well. We are right at the same time frame of our loss, which makes it even more insulting to me that people would tell me that I will find someone new.  My husband, my best friend, the one person you dream of finding was the perfect person for me, and the thought of trying to replace him makes me sick.  I am just trying to get through everyday, and these people want me to find someone new??!!  Seriously??!!

No.. I am not dating. No I have no interest in dating. No, I will never find anyone to "fill his shoes" no, I will not  do that to my girls, they have been through enough. No, I wont find a love like we had.  No.. just NO!

People just dont understand and it makes me angry.

((hugs to you)

Permalink Reply by Angela renteria on October 16, 2016 at 2:35am

Hello shinning light 1967, it is a horrible place to be . No matter what age loosing your spouse is awful. Though being younger in my opinion is a rough spot because what are you to do when you could possibly live 30 years or more without your spouse? It's been 4 months since my husband died and I think of this every day. Reading Liz comment about loosing her husband nine years ago and still missing him every single day just felt like someone sucked all the air out the room. It's been 4 months but it feels like eternity and the thought of missing him this much 9 years later kills me. I will not find anyone else because I don't want to move on. I will be 38 but this is a life sentence I feel . I have 3 youn g Children and a infant and if it weren't for them I would not want to continue living . I don't understand how God gives you someone you love so much and that person loves you and then they are taking away. I always wanted to be one of those elderly couples that dies together or at least hours apart but that will never happen.

Permalink Reply by Louise on October 27, 2016 at 4:18pm

Me too. I had this image in my head of us all old and grey haired, sitting on a park bench holding hands and laughing together. Of us lying in bed together one day and finding the other had passed on and joining them. We talked about that and I always said I hope I go first because I wouldn't want to live without you for one minute. I just keep asking why.

Permalink Reply by Louise on October 27, 2016 at 4:09pm

I am so so sorry for your loss and I really empathise. I too had that connection with my sweet husband. We finished each other's sentences, we could just look at each other and know what the other was thinking, we often did that in the company of others. We had our own jokes and references we'd make about things which other people just didn't get. He was so empathetic and kind and we were both completely in tune with each other. People always said how much alike we were in every way, some even said we looked alike. It was like we were in our own little bubble together and the world could throw anything at us but we'd be together. We'd be ok. I lost everything 28 days ago and after 2 weeks someone told me I would fall in love and get married to someone else. It's like someone said on here and completely hit the nail on the head, it trivialises what we had and how we felt about each other. That anyone could even suggest that I would ever find that with anyone else is just ridiculous. I am not some innocent little girl, I am 33, I had previous relationships, I married him because he was the one. I knew it the moment I met him, don't ask me how, because I never even believed in that stuff but I just knew. And that doesn't just happen. He was my whole universe, he still is, I love him and miss him so very, very much. It's hard to even put into words how much he means to me. And it's so unfair that I am so young and have to wait such a long time to see him again, if there is an afterlife and if there's not, then it's just too long to live without him. I know people aged 60+ whose husbands die (I envy their age) and people don't say to them "never mind you can meet someone else". Age has nothing to do with the depth of love or connection we had. Like you said, people are putting their uneasiness on us. I try to ignore them, thank them politely, then excuse myself while I go scream and cry and beat into a pillow. It helps to see so many of you on here have experienced or are experiencing similar things. It's not bloody fair.

Permalink Reply by Bryan Kelly Reeves on October 8, 2017 at 8:33pm

I understand completely and would love to talk sometime on that in more depth. What I hated the most and just made me angry was…oh time will help and the hurt will go away. Well no it won't, time lessens it would this was your special person that you had given everything and committed to do life with and all of the sudden out of your plans, they are gone. Everything you had planned in life changes in a minute.