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Comment by Diane Grell on June 29, 2011 at 4:40pm

Its been a little over 2 years since my husband passed away. Lord, lately I've been missing him so much.

I didn't think a person could have this many tears.

Then some days, I think of how he died, (He was smoking meth) and I get so angry. I lost the person I loved the most because of his stupidity.

Sometimes its just hard to deal with.

Comment by Jillian Margaret Dalziel on June 3, 2011 at 1:57am

Chris died at home from a massive coronary in February 2009.  We had been together exactly 35 years on that day.  He had been ailing for a few years but after his last visit to hospital the July before, we both knew that he had limited time here even though we never spoke about it.  It was still such a shock for us when he went. I have been angry, sad, depressed and lonely.  Some days I still just shut myself in the house and cry others, but I still get angry with him for leaving us and not being here to help me cope with everyday life and also with the things going on in our daughters life ( she was attacked and nearly died by an ex partner) I miss him so much still and don't know when the hurt will stop.  I get on with my life and have wonderful friends but even they are telling me that I "should be over it now and moving on". My question to them is "where?" Chris was my life and the other part of me - now that is gone I am just a shadow and don't know what to do.  I function because that is what people want to see but I know that I am not living as I should. Am I normal? What should I do? Am I doing things wrong?

Comment by Peggy Jeanine Woody on April 17, 2011 at 11:40pm

I also lost my Mother on January 27, 2008.  She was 86 and had Alzheimers.  She had been in a locked ward for a couple of years.  I took care of her for 7 years, but then she started to talk about going to the other house.  We didn't have another house and began to fear she would walk off and get lost.  That is when I took her to the Alzheimers unit.  They had 4 hallways, and she began to walk them over and over and finally had enough exercise to breathe better.  She had always been a huffer and puffer.  

One day they called me and said they had sent her to the hospital, and that she had 2 toes turning black. This was on December 21, 2007.  It was close to Christmas, and I began to realize none of the Dr.'s wanted to take her on.  She was dehydrated and in A-Fib.  They talked about it and kept her foot clean.  The holidays came and went with me spending as much time as I could with her.  When they released her, I chose to move her closer to my home.  I brought her to another home, and in the process found out the Dr. she had had took her off all medications.  She had Gout and without Allopurinol she couldn't walk.  They told me her toes turned black over the weekend.  When I moved her closer, I spent as much time as I could with her. With my son, Shawn, we went every day.  

When her Dr. showed up it was the same one she had at the other home.  I went to him and told him I wanted her back on all her meds. He looked down his nose at me and said, "Now young lady, if you are going to tell me how to DR. your mother, you will have to find another Dr."  I told him " I will, but his name will not be Kavorkian." And I did find a Dr. that was very good to her.  If I understood right, they take the older people off all their meds.  They just let them go without.  I called the other home, because we had several talks about Mom's Gout, and they assured me that she was on her meds.  At the new home, they told me that she wasn't on any meds.  After 2 weeks, she became weaker and the blackness began to go up her Left leg, and then the home called me one night that they had sent her to the hospital. The new Dr. came the next day and told me the best thing we could do was put her in hospice.   He told me her blood was poisioned and nothing could be done for her.  Her heart was not good.  and she was 86. He doubted she would survive surgery to remove her leg.  She had been blind for about 2 years with macular degeneration and didn't even realize.  I agreed and he had her put in a room with no one else and let me stay with her.  The kids came and we spent time loving on her and talking to her.  She was not able to drink, so we soaked sponges and put them in her mouth.  We all told her how much we loved her and one night I told her not to be afraid, if she needed to go, it was ok with me.  She shouldn't worry about me, because I'll be home before supper.  I told her she was going to have a wonderful reunion with her mother, and brothers and sisters and Daddy.  She was put in on Wed. and passed at 6pm Sunday.  It was so peaceful and she didn't have pain.  The last night, my son, Shawn came to stay with me at the hospital. He parked himself in front of her tv. and positioned it where he could watch her breathe.  I told him to wake me in a couple of hours, but he didn't.  When I woke, he was still sitting in his chair watching tv.  He said she is still breathing.  The kids all came over and she passed at 6pm that evening.

It was hard, but I knew it was for the best.  We had come together to be with her and now she was at rest.  This is one reason I miss my son so much. He was there for me in nearly every way.

Comment by Peggy Jeanine Woody on April 3, 2011 at 11:37pm

My loss was a year ago this month.  My 41 year old, bi-lateral amputee, son passed some time in the early morning of April 30, 2010.  His birthday had been April 22.  It was not expected, in fact my Daughter found him when she came to pick him up and take he and their grandpa out to eat.  She had tried calling all morning, and was a little upset when he didn't answer.  When she got there, the door was unlocked and at first sight she thought he was asleep.  Her husband came in with her, and when they saw his coloring, they knew there was noting to be done.  She called me and told me what had happened and  we set out for his house. I remember saying, No, No, No, No, . . . all the way to his house.  A  lady trooper stopped me from going in saying "As one mother to another, You don't want to see this. You want to remember him as he was."  His face was dark because the blood had settle in his face. His little yorkie, Sysco was with him. It breaks my heart that Stacie had to find him.  She is the one who found out first about the car accident that he lost his legs in.  it was 18 years before.  He was taken to the hospital and prepared to go by ambulance to South East Missouri Hosiptal.  We didn't know if he would survive or not, but he did.  He never drove again, and he suffered every day with phantom pain that some Dr.'s said was the memory of impact.  My son's car was going at a high rate of speed, and we think the passenger tried to make him turn on a road he didn't want to go down, and he over corrected and his firebird hit a tree on the driver's side door.  Firebirds have a T frame and it split his car in half.  It was a terrible accident and yes he had had 5 or 6 small cups of beer.  It was a pool league celebration.  He was 22. and his life changed.  He was not put in jail but was on probation for 3 years and attended alcohol classes.  He also went to some schools to talk to students about drinking and driving.  One thing that I can say, he was not a quitter,  Anything anyone else could do so could he.  His legs ended up being One above the knee and one below the knee.  If he had to go somewhere that the chair didn't fit, he went on his hands and knee.

The last 2 years, he had some panic attacks. He had one the month before he passed. His brother, Matt, took him to the hospital and they treated him, and told him the next time they would put him in the Cardiac unit. However the next time, he was home alone and the coroner said if someone had been there they would have just had to watch it happen.  The picture I have is me hugging him.  After the funeral, the coroner also told me that bi-lateral amputees are prone to blood clots.  He said that Shawn appeared to have a pain and his arms were across his chest, and he went straight down. Probably was gone before he hit the floor.  It has been a very hard year, but I have a theory of why he passed on.  The phantom pain was something that no medicine would stop.  A week before he passed I was visiting with him, and he said he was out of his meds which helped a small amount, so he was in a lot of pain.  It breaks my heart to know that he suffered so much, and I remember turning away and thinking, "How much longer, Lord, is he going to have to suffer?"  I thought about that later, and I really feel God was saying enough is enough.  I miss him with all my heart and would love to hear his voice again, but I would not bring him back to the pain he endured for 18 years.  Besides, I believe I will see him again someday when it's my turn to cross the Jordan.  He and my Mother and other family members are waiting for me. Thanks for reading.
 

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