Comment

Comment by Debbie Powell on March 4, 2011 at 12:14pm

I have been involved with hospice and love that organization.  In the past 3 years I have lost both parents 2 dogs and now my husband.  I had to take care of all of them and loved it.  Well, loved them.  is there a typical time to get over hurt.  I'm guessing it's individual but I would love to know on 'x' day I will  feel better. 

 

Comment by michael sandoval on March 4, 2011 at 11:28am

Thank you dr. You found perfect words. I don't feel like the same person without Denise

Comment by Stan Goldberg, Ph.D. on March 4, 2011 at 11:18am

Hi Debbie,

What you've described is very similar to what my past clients, and current  hospice families experienced. Many people who have never grieved don't understand that the lives and souls of caregivers and loved ones are so integrally tied together, that the loss of a partner is not just the loss of a loved one, but also the fracturing of an identity.

Comment by Debbie Powell on March 4, 2011 at 10:41am

reading the posts makes me feel like I'm not crazy.  I lost my husband 8/10/10 and every morning when my eyes open I am hit with the loss.  My husband was also my best friend and soul mate.  We worked together and lived together.  I miss EVERYTHING.  I feel like I am in a life I don't want to be in.  I have known him since I was 23 and am 53 now.  I go out into the world and it feels different.  I see everything differently.  I loved spoiling him and I took care of him during his cancer.  We didn't have children but have 13 pets.  One of them is now dying and I truly believe she will go with her dad I don't want to lose her.  I don't know when my life will be something 'normal'.  Oh well... just sounding off.

Comment by michael sandoval on February 25, 2011 at 8:50pm

Dear Barbara, my condolences. I also know your anger. My Denise was so wonderful. And her faith in and love of God was so beautiful. The Lord gave her courage to face her fate in a way I couldn't. It's not the Lord's fault, although I struggle with a place to put my anger. I just miss my Denise so much that every is the biggest struggle of my life.

Comment by Barbra Ingrassia Fairman on February 25, 2011 at 6:28pm

my brother started slurring his speech in December of 2010. On December 26th he entered his first hospital and was diagnosed with ADEM.They said he was having a reaction to the H1N1 shot and sent him home after a week. He continued to get worse and we felt so lucky to know someone who could get him into NYU where he would be treated by top doctors. They continued with the ADEM and told us he was getting better the day they cancelled his brain biopsy. That week started he could walk and talk by the end of the week he couldn't move and could barely talk. The biopsy finally happed(3 weeks later) and it was brain cancer. Glioblastoma. One doctor told me my brother won the lottery, just the wrong one.WE were told he had six months, he died in 3. We were able to bring him home to die, which I will be forever grateful for. It's the way he died that I just can't accept. He was in there, just not able to communicate at all.What a good man my brother was. Everything was about his family. He couldn't wait to get home at the end of the day. Why him when there are so many out there who are crappy people. I have the worst time hearing about some dead beat dad and God had to take my brother. It wasn't about money for him, he had a small house and loved it. I now have that small house and a lot of anger. I was always a happy go lucky person and that has all changed for me. I'm now angry and bitter at the world.I think God made a terrible mistake and I am paying the price and it is not fair. I'm coming up on a year and the feelings are so overwhelming it is hard to deal with them. I cry everyday. I feel gurilty for being alive, he was a better person than me honest, never did drugs. Always took care of his health. He did not deserve this and for him to know that he was dying and not be able to talk to us. It was CRUEL!!!  Really cruel way to die. March 30th will be 1 year and I still can not accept this

Comment by Stan Goldberg, Ph.D. on February 25, 2011 at 8:50am

Hi Charlene,

In your post I heard the pain of many who wonder if they did "the right thing." And in that question is often the seeds of guilt. As a hospice bedside volunteer for the past eight years, I've witnessed this struggle often. It's been my experience that when decisions regarding DNR's are made, the situations are very different than later when people reflect back on the question.

 

Caregivers are daily faced with making momentous decisions that "non-caregivers" may not understand. The decisions I've witnessed were based on compassion. Regardless of the outcome, there is no basis for guilt.

Comment by Diane Grell on February 23, 2011 at 5:00pm

Hi My name is Diane. I lost my husband on 1/6/09. Although the first time his heart stopped beating was the 12/27/08. He survived that long after they revived him. He was  without oxygen for 25 minutes. So when he finally woke up, there was the distinct black eyes. No emotion. Just a blank stare.  It was a horror to watch. Two days in the hospital his heart stopped again which further damaged his brain and heart. That day I put a DNR on him. On 1/6/09, I took him off life support. I knew he would not want to live like that. He would have been forever in a nursing home. Signficant brain damage. Unable to eat except through a tube in his stomach. It took a little less than 5 hours for him to pass. I cried so hard. I do know it was best for him and me and the kids. To have to see him that way would have been pure mental torture.

He was comfortable and he went out the way we both discussed it. I held him in my arms and spoke softly to him until he was gone.

Charlene, I read your post and just had to say, I know how you feel. I however lost my husband not due to illness, but to stupidity. My husband I found out after all this mess was a meth smoker.

I just wanted to tell you you didn't take him off too soon. If he was meant to survive he would have. You saved him from needless suffering.

My heart goes out to you.

Diane

Comment by Kerry Whitley on February 16, 2011 at 10:33pm

Hi, my name is Kerry, I lost my mom 2/8/94 when I was 17 years old because my ex-stepsister and her dad wanted custody of my younger brother (half-brother, age 9 at the time).  My mom was shot on January 26, 1994 and survived 13 days in ICU and we thought she was going to pull through and just be permanently blind in both eyes from where the bullets had gone through her face. But in the end she passed away from being on life support too long which caused a disease called A.R.D.S. (Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome), it is where the lungs lose their elasticity and quit working. We had to as a family decide what to do and I told everyone that my mom would not want to be kept alive and on a machine for the rest of her life, but they thought I had given up on her but I hadn't...I knew she was already gone at this point in my heart. My grandma decided to wait until her heart and/or her brain quit working so 2 days later she passed away. Long story short I ended up taking over custody of my brothers (ages 9 and 16) after I turned 18 and lived on my own with them for over a year before I met my husband and got married. This year has hit me the hardest in a very long time, it feels just like yesterday that we was going through it all and the hurt is unbearable. So, I don't know what to tell others who have just had their loss so recently...it does not ever go away the pain will always be there and the other feelings that go along with it.

Comment by charlene aragon on February 15, 2011 at 8:26pm

Hello

My name is Charlene, I lost my husband the second week of Jan 2011, and it's been a struggle.. He was my life, my soulmate, and best friend.  He was a stubborn hard headed man, who did what he wanted, which I loved about him, but what also killed him.  He's 32 and we have been married 12yrs on 2/14/11.  My Boo was everything to me, and life without him has been heart breaking, I don't go outside, I go to work, but hate being there, and whats worse is I work for a hospice company.  I can't sleep without sedating myself, and if a conversation should start  that even touches something sensitive I'm done. Tears are falling uncontrollbly.  My boy had been sick for a few months, and ignored it, no matter what I'd tell him about going to the doctors, he'd tell me, No I'm fine just a bug.... U know I hate doctors.  this went on for three months.  The last week of Dec, he got very ill, and refused to go, he could hold food dwn, he couldn't quench his thirst, his vile was black like coffee grounds.  Long story short, cause its very long, I had to take him off life support, when he coded it took them twenty mins to get his heart going again.  He had diabetes and didn't know it, I seen the signs in early Dec.  His illness affected every organ in his body but his heart.. I watched him for a week while his body fought off everything they did.  When I had to take him off life support, I wanted to die ith him and still do.. My love is gone over being stubborn, and this maybe could have been avoided.  I don't know if any of you ever had to remove a loved one from life support, but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I wonder everyday, did I do it too soon, but there was brain activity, and I knew he didn't want to live like that, and I wouldn't have let him live that way... when will this guilt go away, when will I stop crying, I want to be with him, and everyday I think about it, because the pain without him is becoming unbareable....

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 4
• 5
• 6
• 7
• Next ›
• Page